Your capitalization are random. You don't necessarily capitalize the beginnings of sentences and sometimes you capitalize after commas. Names are also sporadic on the capitalization and the random emphasis caps lock/capitals aren't really necessary when you are already using exclamation marks. Capitals are a part of fundamental literary mechanics, learn them and apply them because while the rest of your work seems fairly clean it gets undermined when basics get ignored.

well i am done with this story, from nerfing ichigo to buffing random nobody characters to being enough to penetrate the heiro of ichigo this story has got much worse.

then the whole leader of apollos family suddenly going psycho to change shit up for no reason is the final straw. I hate when authors nerf the mc to tell their shit story.

if you wanted a weaker ichigo grab an earlier version of ichigo. the reason captains and lt of bleach verse sealed their power is because their spiritual powers are capable of affecting the world. When ichigo used mugetsu his power far surpassed even aizen whom was fused with the hogyuku. which is why aizen could no longer sense ichigo.

Aizen whom was stomping captains and Lt"s left and right. You claimed he has grown stronger since then, you are being inconsistent in his powers for the sake of your plot developement making it one of the worst things an author can do. I would recommend you restart the story or fix the current ones.

whether you do or do not it is no longer my concern.

Is this supposed to be a comedy, or a serious story? On one hand, things are taken seriously. On the other... it can feel like a parody skit at times. It's pretty jarring. The reader is even directed to laugh in parentheses... why?

Characterization is an issue. A big one. I suspect there will be a plot hole in the future due to Ichigo or another character doing or saying something they would never do or say, or not doing/saying something they would.

There are so many moments that break character, and for different reasons, too. Sometimes it's to create drama, which is a bad idea. Never sacrifice good characterization for the sake of drama. That breaks suspension of disbelief quickly because the reader just thinks, "That makes no sense." If a character needs to change to get something done, then that change needs to be written in ahead of time and earned.

Why on earth would Ichigo struggle with his hollow? He's already dealt with that issue. Regressing his characterization to make some inner conflict does not make any sense.

If it's really 'battle lust' then why give Ichigo a struggle he isn't prone to? There is nothing to suggest he would ever become like Kenpachi Zaraki, and just saying he struggles with it doesn't make it any more plausible.

Why would Ichigo run away and know an army came to meet him? Why is he such a coward?

The energy missed the city by quite a distance; why does everyone assume it's an attack on the city?

Why does Bell want to continue hanging around Ichigo after Ichigo thoroughly proves he's a jerk and will likely make things more difficult for him?

Sometimes it seems like you just don't know the characters well enough.

Why is Ichigo's mockery so childish? He's direct and curt. He doesn't drag out embarrassing others.

Ichigo's dialogue is alien at times.

Why is Ichigo suddenly able to expose every trick against him so flawlessly? He's not normally so socially aware.

How does Ichigo not know what Bell is saying when Bell says "liiiikes"? He's dense, but not an idiot. There is literally no other way to interpret that line.

Why is Bell so much more childish than I remember?

When did being a goddess make anyone deserving of living better in Ichigo's eyes? There are probably better reasons that exist for Ichigo to say that, but he uses one that's not in character.

I couldn't keep reading the whole chapter, and ended up skimming through most of the second chapter.

And then sometimes the narration seems confused. Ichigo can't remember the last time he ate, but he does remember it, and the time was even brought up.

And when did Ichigo learn to cook in the wild?

And then there's the issue of Ichigo being turned into a Mary-Sue type character:

After Bete gets humiliated to the point of needing to be rescued by his goddess... he wants to train under the guy who did it? On what planet does that happen? That guy was an arrogant bully, and now he magically changes his tune? Hogwash!

Ichigo can't have the world forgive him without even a sorry everytime he acts like a jerk or does something that would anger someone. They need to be angry. Please don't break characterization for the sake of plot, either. That just makes an unbelievable plot.

Not that there aren't good parts in the story.

The spelling, punctuation and grammar are passable.

And... okay, look, I'm gonna be honest. I have a short memory. Usually, when I review a story, I can remember the good and the bad, because the issues don't take up all that space. There are things I liked. I read the entire first chapter, and thought there was potential. It's the reason I'm bothering to review in the first place. I like the overall direction of the story. The romance-building is decent. I don't hate this story by any means.

But the greater good is so overshadowed by all the little things that don't make sense and sabotage it that my short memory no longer remembers most of the good elements and executions. My suspension of disbelief is broken. I certainly hope that there is improvement as the writing continues - there usually is - but I can't find the motivation to push past this part to find out.

I hope that didn't come across too harshly. I can't say I was ever very eloquent with my words.

Regardless, I do wish you success, and this is all my opinion. You don't have to listen to me if you don't want to.

Have a good week and God bless,
SomethingAncient

Besides the grammar, the only other things I dislike is the pace at which the story is going, it's way too fast and gives the reader very little time to digest everything.
Another critique is the dialogue feeling forced, Ichigo doesn't feel in-character a lot of the time as well.
Besides that I have no complaints, even though I am not too familiar with DanMachi/Is it wrong to pick up girls in a dungeon?, I grasped the concepts easily enough without having to research it, which is a plus, I have very little recollection of the series anyway. Should probably rewatch it

Forgot to say this in the last review but I don't know if I misread something but didn't bell say you could get a house for something like 300,000 and then I ichigo paid 450,000 for a meal? is it just me? probably, I'm hella tired but still. nice fic so far.

ya know, I'm not sure even cannon Ichigo was this dense...

I mean, I know bete's an ass but isn't that kinda racist? it was fine the first few times but he just kept hammering down on the dog jokes, noy very original...
ah well, otherwise this is a pretty solid start to a fic.

now this is what I call a genius's work... conisidering its been only, what? 3 or 4 months? and its already approaching thousands of fav. and review?

An interesting cross but needs a lot more work put into it, as it is it's pretty meh. Grammar and general OOC issues aside, Ichigo's integration into the DanMachi-verse feels very contrived.

Damn this is a masterpiece and definitely needs to be read. And incredible job Author-san and keep up the amazing job you've done so farDamn this is a masterpiece and definitely needs to be read. And incredible job Author-san and keep up the amazing job you've done so farDamn this is a masterpiece and definitely needs to be read. And incredible job Author-san and keep up the amazing job you've done so far

Perfect and update soon please

love it

nice chapter. cant wait to see more of this, cant help but feel like shiro's teasing at the end there is foreshadowing!

Ottar are you fucking stupid? I'm pissed at how much you have nerfed ichigo both psychically and mentally. In other words you made him weak and dumb you shit writer.

I don't mean to nit pick but there would be no way Ichigo could have seen lone survivor due to it being released in 2013 and bleach taking place around 2002. Maybe Jarhead but even that's a stretch due to it coming out 3 years after the aizen and Ichigo fight.