Good luck with school!

While the moment with Caelior was wholesome, a part of me can't just ignore, you know, the monstrous amount of death and destruction he caused on Earth. I know he is a victim of abuse, but... is he really redemmable? Then again, moral greyness is a core part of the XV, and this has Xabiar's seal of approval, so congrats on expanding Caelior.

Ah, Dawn is getting her first battle in Guinea. Called it on Sunday's chapter.

Reviev part 2 (covers the last 5-6 chapters)

The story continues to be a good addition to the main storyline. Ethereal basketball was really something, I gotta say.

Dawn continues to exceed my expectations in how well the character is written. Very fleshed out and alive. Also it's nice to see the characters such as Caelor, Geist from a new perspective.

What I liked most however, was the fleshing out of Borelian culture. Carreria and Sandeath are now one of my favourite secondary characters.

I'm not a particiular fan of the therapist parts, but I do expect that Dawn's problems will go away with more training and eventual deployment. I expect it will come soon with the offensive in Turkey.

This was a pain to write, but it's done. Yay. Let's go!

So the story's exceeded my expectations and then some, and they were quite high. The strengths of it by far are how well you've portrayed not only Dawn but how you've portrayed the canon characters of the ADVENT Directive themselves. I don't know how much of a hand Xabiar had in it; but The Commander, Geist, Aegis, Caelior, and others all feel not only in-character, but some have been expanded on in ways we haven't seen in the ADVENT Directive. Caelior and Geist being primary examples of this.

Geist I think is the most noticeable and most interesting of the canon characters. While retaining who he is as a character, we see a new facet of who he is that we didn't really see much if at all in the ADVENT Directive. Him being a teacher, an honest to God teacher who can help others patiently and guide them. Geist genuinely wanting to see Dawn excel is heartwarming. Moreso since it's from the guy who threatened to make Nuan experience losing her arms again when she joked with someone about punching him in the face. Not sure how to explain what I expected his teaching methods to be like; but I wasn't optimistic.

Dawn feels like someone her age. Which sounds weird, but a lot of stories I've seen media and otherwise write characters this age that don't act their age. It's the minor details that make it work. Her being more vulgar than those older and more mature around her, her vernacular, her naive mindset and how she reacts to certain situations or conveys her thoughts. Like how she thought "0/10 would not recommend" when Aegis tested her telepathic defenses. The way she falls back on sarcasm as a defense mechanism and doesn't handle everything as well as others have also helps convey she is still just a teenager, one whose entirely in over her head. The elevator scene sticking out the most. Which is pretty close to how I was at some points of my life; first few weeks of College were especially bad. That felt very genuine and close to how I probably would've reacted (overusing sir and ma'am especially I'm stunned no one told me to cut that shit out).

Her personal arc so far has me invested and feels like one that would fit someone in her circumstances. The conflict with her parents, her trying to find a center on her beliefs and morality; it adds to her character. Issues such as not only killing aliens who she sees as being very similar to her; but also using her telepathy to kill them while seeing flashes and visions of how they have loved ones who very much love them alive and don't want them to come back in the form of Alien Food from EW (Alien Food was an item you could find and sell in XCOM EW. It's a viscous organic slurry made of melted organic beings, with DNA traces indicating humans are in it too).

I think it deserves special mention how everyone in XCOM for the most part is actually welcoming of her and wanted to help. They don't treat her as the 'Fucking New Guy' type deal that festered in the Vietnam War and as a trope I've seen in the past. Odd thing to point out but it was a pleasant subversion of how I expected it to be.

The flow of the narrative between humorous scenes like Ethereal Basketball and Shoggoth head-pats to more emotional scenes like Caelior's near breakdown and Dawn having a full-on breakdown help put the latter scenes into firm context and create contrast that I think makes them all the more compelling. It also nails it too, at no point did it come off as jarring or a downright butchering of tone. I've read stuff in the past that tried this and just butcher it. Jumping from especially bleak and dismal scenes and circumstances to goofy Anime slapstick humor within a matter of mere sentences/a few paragraphs or for webcomics, a few pages. Or as Yahtzee said in one of his reviews: going from a mother tearfully using the dried corpses of her children for kindling to one of those wacky station commanders with one 'quirky' defining trait (The Division Review).

My personal favorite scene was Caelior and Dawn in the Dreamscape. I genuinely felt bad for Caelior, and I could really feel his anguish as he revisited his old life and had to again come to grips that it was abandoned for a lie; and how he truly doesn't want Dawn to become like him. I found it hard to believe this was the Ethereal who posted a selfie on Twitter to get back at Quisilia during an argument or who threw tantrums about nothing going his way or anyone he saw as inferior daring to contradict or question him. Seeing humans as utterly beneath him and almost killing Zar'Chon for recommending a retreat during the first battle of Japan.

That's about it I think. I had nothing to complain about or suggestions on what could be improved on; and I do apologize for that. I genuinely loathe posting reviews like this that are just praise. I feel that it becomes vapid and hollow at best or downright fanatical gushing at worst and I am self-conscious about such things. Believe it or not I hate coming off as an obnoxious fanboy. Anywho! Story's great, glad I read it. Would recommend, imagine I put a picture of a cat giving a thumbs-up with its paw. Image available on request on Discord.

So far, it's a great read, what's really welcome is that all dialogue and text is.. simply entertaining to read. Not all authors have this gift, that's a great plus.

Family drama: Dawn's parent are really crappy I gotta say. In a realistic way, of course but really.. she's nearly 19 years old. How do I put this.. during the last world war it was normal draft age. And how... blind do you have to be to not understand that if humanity loses, it's as if everyone died, even worse than that?! (The Collective represents the worst type of government that can exist. A totalitarian regime, where not even your thoughts are safe. Advent has it's flaws but, it's like comparing an average government to USSR under Stalin)

And I do wonder how Dawn will take it once her parents are inevitably killed by their stupidity.

Shoggoths: The killer octopi are really cute! What's more to say?

Geist, Borelians and education: Yeah, Advent has much to improve, and Geist is a good model for how education ought to work

Generally the story is a breath of fresh air. With so many god -like creatures all over the main storyline and strategic movements, there's fewer points of viev of everyday people. Of course the main story has to well.. move forward, so it's not a flaw, but an opportunity for extra materials to fill in the blanks.

Another little thing I'd come to appreciate in XCOM was the usage of the metric system to measure things, rather than Imperial. It wasn't anything huge or difficult - I was just glad America caught up with the rest of the world in that regard.

Found a typo: BRING toyed

Morris will end up being her real teacher, eh...

Amazing chapter, as always, and got me quite interested in the potential aplications of biopathy outside war; being a biotech major myself, the idea of direct cellular control to that level with psionics is incredible

Pool party!

It's always a nice change of pace, seeing some wholesomeness in the XV.

Busan will definitely be remembered as a rather dark chapter in the history of the war. Poor folks. The Collective's stopped playing around.

The next chapter title got my interest, however.

Is there going to be a wedding?

Perhaps *the* wedding?

Busan hit Dawn hard, I see.

"Giant robotic squid" Well thank God those don't exist in the Xabiarverse. Right? RIGHT?! (giggles)

"sending them to the video with the red-haired singer" NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP!

I gotta say I was half-expecting Dawn's live fire exercise to kinda take place... outside of the Dreamscape, for some reason. :D

She's growing so fast. Next month I bet she'll be melting an arm of Mutons while fist-fighting the Battlemaster at the same time, and we won't even bat an eye.

Her conversation with the Commander sounds like it has plenty of potential for her character in the future as well. Curious to see where that goes.

Finally... you just couldn't help it, could you? Getting that xenophilia going on in XCOM. You madlad.

Dawn is slowly coming a badass. And good call back to that human-vitakarian couple from older chapters.

Really entertaining chapter overall, it was fun to read about a battle (simulated it may be) from a single soldiers point of view, and its fun to see Dawn get better at fighting while still seeing her flaws shine through. The dialogue with the Commander at the end was especially entertaining to read, I found his characterisation on point, and I also found the way Dawn responded to him in kind very appropriate. I like the hint at the end of the chapter that there’s still something holding her back, I’m very curious to see how that’ll play out in future chapters. Keep up the good work!

This story is always so fun, I love Dawn and her interactions with everyone!
...and I kind of ship her with Kunio, heh