First of all establish your MC. Who is it? Jaune or Emiya? You need to give us something to look forward to reading in later chapters, instead of giving us vague infos about the world. Like a enemy other then Salem or Alaya. what makes this Jaune different then the typical Jaune Arc fictions? Also you should not introduce more characters unless you show how your MCs are personality and purpose wise. Give us readers a reason why we should care and get invested in the story. Don’t expect us to stick with the fiction because it’s a Rwby/Fate Crossover.

I knew it! first I thought that guy waas Heracles, but since Touvlo wears boxer with strips I realised he was a Spartacus alike.

I tried to read this story a few times, but the truth is that the way it is written takes a lot out of my immersion; besides that many things are cringe. I hope you can improve with that, luck with the story but I better go on to read other things

this is corny.

again rereading.

i am noticing alot of near slip, switched words as I read.

For example, in a sentence you clearly meant to type 'tilted'
you typed 'titled' and similar happenings.

Also everything seems to have a touch of extremism that feels off for the characters.

for example, I do not think Yang would react in that function when seeing Jaune at Juniors club... Not because she would care about Jaune... but rather she would care about Ruby finding out through Jaune about her actions. Yang always trys to shelter her sister from her darker self as she mothers her. With Jaune being her sisters first friend in Beacon he kind of has an untouchable spot for her. even going after Raven, Yang wouldn't go beyond sparing level with him because she would believe herself protecting Ruby.

lastly, when you try to complicate your characters dialog, Archer specifically, half of what they say literally doesn't make sense grammatically.

regardless I am enjoying the fic and looking forward to more as I continue.

rereading as stated in the last review.

coming back, I'm noticing just a bit of overuse of bold. Most of these can be italics and would make more sense. the bold itself should be used a bit more sparingly as it can get distracting from time to time.

content wise everything is still wonderful.

rereading this cuz I honestly got lost first time around. I remember liking it I just have to catch back up!

I am confused by the way you structure your writing. While the grammar is amateur-ish and is semi-passable, the content itself is difficult to understand at certain points. An example of this being Jaune's fight against Yang.

It would be hilerious if archer met jaune while jaune had piped blood vessels in his eyes it Gilgamesh did abd they did the while us this a mirror gag.

For some odd reason I feel as if you have absolutely zero clue on what you're doing even through you seem to have thought out a lot things. You're making this far too confusing than it actually is. I don't intend to read this anymore but please try to find and ask someone that can explain better on what you're doing wrong here

Kinda cringey

Cool to see jaune use a bow and be skilled with it . Could you consider having jaune use a mediterranean grip and shooting from the right side(outside) of the bow ... it is how a lot of archers are depicted in medieval art and I personally shoot this way since I like to do Medieval reenactment’s and since Arcadia And Jaune’s family is being portrayed as taking inspiration from medieval France it would’ve cool if he used that style of archery. Hell you could have Jaune and Archer argue about which style of archery is best archers Japanese inspired archery style vs Jaune’s European archery, my friend and I often have friendly arguments on the boons and busts of each style he practices Kyudo with a Yumi and I use an English longbow. I dig that you made note that jaune was able to have the strength to pull back the bow but was still not strong like a huntsman since it’s believable because pulling a bow strengthens certin muscle groups that are not used for traditional strength.

I feel your story can go far with a bit of refinement. On a personal note, I believe harems don’t work for serious stories. It forces a significant portion of the story trying to fix or deal with the love life. Don’t misunderstand me, I am not saying to exclude romance. Romance is an important character tool. But can you focus on normal couples instead of a harem. And if you wand different pairings maybe make routes like fate.

Fuck you

What the hell is wrong in this fic? From the beginning of this fic, i noticed many wrong information written in this fic.
Like , Alaya. Alaya in the first chapter is losing? When there is humanity in almost all timeline, she is defeated? She is not a god, spirit ,mortal or otherwise. She is a multi dimensional entity that will exist as long as mankind exist and yes, that include future and parallel worlds

I see that you only watch Fate Anime. And I also see that you are an Avid Fan of RWBY. I can see that in your writing as you put each character on a pedestal(again, these shows in your writing)

Stop shitting on Fate lore and start making some fair writing and stop sucking on rwby's balls. I get that you are a fan but tone it down with the fanboyism okay? It really look like you are sucking rwby's balls soo desperately