This is an interesting take, and I hope it continues.

I'm so glad you decided to not change anything from what you wanted. If you randomly changed things from the game just to sanitize it for people who can't handle that bad things happen I would be seriously bummed out. The story is good and I'm loving this fic!

I really enjoyed this chapter! (and reading it through with you)

One thing that I particularly love is that you've been building Ren's resentment and anger up to now and when he awakens Arsene it's like a dam breaks and all his anger comes out in a rush. Arsene's more violent lines make sense with all the build up of Ren being pissed off and frustrated. And it really does make sense with all the crap that's been happening to him. When he finally unleashes that it all just comes blasting out.

I love how you took several dialogue options and merged them together. There are a lot of dialogue options in Persona 5 that feel like you could say 2 together and it would feel natural, and I'm glad that you're doing that in this.

I also really appreciate all the little things added in the chapter like the extra lines, as well as tiny details like Ryuji's limp. And I like that you give explanations for why Ren acts the way he does during cutscenes. Him feeling like something is really off about Kamoshida but not wanting to do anything cause he's trying to stay out of trouble and keeps remembering what happened when he tried to stop Shido is so good. I love that you added in Ren saying "Per...so...na" during his awakening cause that's a little detail I missed in the actual game. And Ren's reaction to seeing Ann for the first time was absolutely appropriate. Ren is extra as hell and him seeing Ann and being floored about literally everything about her was perfect. And more bro moments with Ryuji is always a good thing.

I can't wait for the next chapter!

Hmm, Theodore and Margaret? I look forward to the roles they'll play in your fanfic.

I like how the protagonist keeps trying to figure out how make things easier for his father and the rest of his family even as his life keeps going down the tubes; that takes a lot of willpower on his part.

You did an incredible job on Ren's awakening! You did a great job on capturing Ren's rage, which is great since you can't really do that in-game as he's meant to be a blank slate.

But honestly, the best P5 fanfic EVER. Deserves to be the at the top of the list, the others just doesn't compare. Thank you so much for writing such an amazing masterpiece, looking forward to your other P5 works!

Wow! This was a very long chapter and it was only three days. It was so masterfully done!

I could really feel the angst that Ren was feeling during the beginning of the chapter. The part when Ren turned from “pissed towards the world” to “a guy who was punched in the gut by Cupid who was using brass knuckles made out the tips of his arrows” was executed perfectly!
Including the Ace in the Hole reference you’ve sneaked in there during their encounter.

Then his awakening. I could feel his fear and his righteous fury! It was like I was actually there! You even wrote the animation for their basic attacks!

The fact that Ryuji was actually injured after the beating he suffered was a plus in the realistic scale. And the fact that Ren has become more self aware through his bitterness towards his mother is oof *italian fingers* SO good!

This question is unrelated towards the main plot, but who’s the Persona 3 protagonist in this version? Is it Minato? Is it Hamuko? Or do they both exist in this universe and one of them died? Maybe both of them died? I’m starting to make rabbit hole for myself here.

I hope you write more chapters of this quality in the future!

It was fun to beta this chapter, Erin! It's like getting a sneak peek at everything! And thank you for the little shoutout! And it's great that you got this chapter before Royal came out!

But oof, this chapter could be renamed: Give Ren Amamiya A Hug

He is just going through so much and he's SO jaded about everything. Though it doesn't help that everyone keeps reminding him that his actions was a mistake :(

And I always appreciate P3/P4 references ;) You know how much I adore doing them in Ace in the Hole, but it's always fun to see people write it. And you know I especially love a reference to my boy. I really like the details about Reika though. She's a cutie though. I love her personality too. She's definitely Ren's sis lol (Though I honestly I'd love to see her flirt with Ken just to see his reaction lol)

I also love the little detail of you combining the dialogue choices into Ren's thoughts. It fits very well.

And the Velvet Room! I loved your take on it. (Sorry Ren but it only gets weirder later) The tweak to explain the twist on Igor... I really love it. It fits so well. Like, it's a plausible reason on why Igor chooses to help Ren. Though Ren's attitude regarding Caroline was REALLY entertaining.

Though after the Velvet Room dream... back to kicking Ren down :(

Please wrap Ren in a blanket and give him hot chocolate! He has it so rough. But hey... Ann brought him a little sunshine. I love how you captured how lovestruck Ren is in the meeting. And I love how you fixed the anime's version of the meeting ;D

Though I love how you establish how Ren is a Risette fanboy. Ren... pls. I love how you tie in Rise and Ann having the same hairstyles rofl

But dangit Kamoshida for ruining the moment. I love the little parallel between the confrontation with Shido and this moment.

AND THE AWAKENING WAS AWESOME

I loved how much you embellished it, adding to Ren's declaration that his actions WEREN'T a mistake, screw what everyone's saying! He's doing what's right and he can't regret that. But man, poor Ryuji. Best bro doesn't deserve this at all

I also love how you describe Ren's pain... The awakenings are PAINFUL. and you really captured it.

And the little detail about Ren grabbing the glasses... I feel that it's great. He's brushing aside the reason but... that's not really true. I'm really looking forward to the plot with Ren and Rikumi.

I also adore the touch about Ren struggling to summon Arsene. It wasn't just a one time thing. Of course in gameplay, it'd SUCK but this is a story and it works extremely well. I also like the small detail of Morgana genuinely smiling at Ryuji.

I really liked Ren being rather cunning about lying to the counselor. Though too bad it didn't really help his reputation... The little detail of Ren calling out Kawakami though... oof. It's good dramatic irony tbh

I really adore Ren and Ryuji's talk on the rooftop. While of course, Ren is close to all of the PTs, there's a reason why Ryuji's his best friend. I love how Ryuji just accepts him. (Though hehe, the exchange about RenRen)

But anyways, this was a fantastic chapter, Erin! I was glad to help!

I keep seeing memes on Bayonetta being Joker’s mom soo I’m just gonna imagine that is what Ren’s mom looks like

This first chapter is Masterfully Done! I hope you update this story soon!

It seems that we have similar backgrounds with this series. As well as the fact that we have been avoiding spoilers for P5R like the plague.

So I have one question. What are Ren’s social stats starting from this chapter?
You don’t really have to answer this question cause I think it’s very fun to find out for myself, but if others are reading this review then why not put this question on their minds?

A really good start! Curious to see more!

this story is showing promise I look foward to seeing were goes and the other Cameos that appear

ERIN I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE STARTING A PERSONA FIC!

I'M EXCITED!

I like this, this is something I definitely want to keep a close watch on, and also RenxAnn is major plus for me! I'm curious to know if you are adding more members to the Phantom Thieves, especially with these cameo appearances to everyone that appear in this chapter? I also like the added detail you're putting in, Makoto and Akeichi being childhood friends, along with Yusuke and Hifumi, etc. My favorite is getting insight of Ren, and just his background with his family, school life, social life before everything that happens. I hope he gets his heart healed soon with all the people he is about to meet. So, overall, good chapter! Can't wait for the second chapter!

My interest is piqued, especially since you had the Persona 4 protagonist marry Rise in the backstory (I briefly had a copy of Persona 4 for the PS2 many years ago when Persona 4 was first released, but I couldn't decide whether to romance Yukiko or Rise).

Looking at the pairings in the summary, you're going for a Futaba and Mishima pairing? Futaba is my favorite Persona 5 female party member and if I had played Persona 5 personally I would have picked Futaba, but I am glad she'll be with Mishima here, I do think Mishima is a good match for her.

And this is a Ren and Ann pairing too; excellent! Ann is my second favorite female Persona 5 party member, only second to Futaba.

I look forward to more chapters!

It's good to finally see the first chapter! You've been telling me about it and showing me snippets for so long it's exciting to see you finally post it!

First of all I love that you start off the fic with Dojima (sorry I can't call him Ryotaro that just sounds so weird) with so many references to Persona 4. Quite an excellent list of ships if I do say so myself. I really liked the mentions of Yu and Rise coming back from their honeymoon. I love that you tied Dojima to Ren's dad to set up him going to Sojiro. And speaking of that I love how you characterize Ren's parents. All too often I see either them portrayed as completely awful or totally innocent and having it be a very complicated gray area is so interesting. Ren's dad in particular is so sympathetic and you really made me feel for him. You can see how badly this is tearing him apart. And Ren's mom really complicates it even more with her being more disconnected and obsessed with work. Ren's whole family situation is a mess and even before you properly introduce Ren you already make him sympathetic.

And the details of bad bad things were for Ren are great, in a heartbreaking way. The game alludes to some things but Ren actually talking about how long time neighbors turned on him and treat him like a monster, his friends abandoned him, and even his girlfriend breaking up with him cause he became bad for her image... Just ouch man. It hurts seeing how bad this affected him :'( You wanted my tears now you have them :(

I actually really loved the friendship between Dojima and Kaneto. Even though Kaneto is a character you came up with his friendship with Dojima feels so natural. It genuinely does feel like they're long time friends who were catching up with each other. But ohhh man that shot Kaneto took at Dojima about Adachi hurt. That's something else I liked. I really like how you tied Ren's dad to Adachi and made it important to his backstory. It's interesting to see that Adachi ended up hurting more than just the cast of P4 with his betrayal.

I love that Dojima gets the idea to call Sojiro cause he's eating curry and drinking coffee. It's so cliche and cheesy I love it. Sojiro's attitude when Dojima called was so funny. Even when he's being a dick he's still entertaining. Underneath his curry and coffee fueled snark there's a heart of gold.

I really adore the dynamic between Ren and his family. Raito is adorable and I love that Reika can see right through Ren's facade. I also really like the detail that Ren got his glasses from his parents, especially since it highlights how differently he feels about his both of his parents.

Incorporating Port Island was a neat inclusion. Having Reika go there with their mom may ultimately be a footnote in the story but I love seeing references to a bunch of other Persona games. And I definitely got a kick out of the part where Ren runs into effectively the entire supporting cast like Mishima, Hifumi, Yusuke, Akechi, Makoto, and Vulgar Boy. I genuinely chuckled at the bit with Akechi. And I loved that little hint at Futaba. I smiled when I realized Ren passed Kasumi before she got named. And I definitely look forward to seeing more of Phoen-I mean Ryuuhiro. I have to admit I'm a bit of a sucker for that trope where the main character walks by most if not all of the cast at the very beginning of a story. Also don't think I didn't notice that P2 reference to "the Fuhrer".

You did a good job characterizing Ren. It's always tricky having to write characters like the Persona protagonists cause they purposefully have a more muted personality. I know what it's like since I wrote Ren in The Star Detective but you did a great job giving him a personality and fleshing him out. I really like that scene where Ren sees those guys harassing Ann and Shiho (and I have to admit in shame I didn't realize it was Ann and Shiho until after reading the notes at the end) and almost does something about it then remembers what his dad says and stops himself. I would have loved to see more of stuff like that in the game where Ren struggles with wanting to help but also wanting to stay out of trouble before he ends up awakening his Persona. And actually writing out his reaction to seeing Arsene was so funny. I know it's literally what happens in the cutscene but the fact that Ren is so nonchalant about it cracks me up. The part where Ren sees the butterfly was great. Of course knowing the full context of Persona 5's story it's obvious what it's about. Just little breadcrumbs hinting at the story. You're really good at those details.

One line I thought was funny was "She claimed he had a natural flair for theatrics...that was probably a lie too" especially since... well Ren DOES have a flair for theatrics. Also "He noticed there was a mother with a little girl walking their dog" WIFE AND DAUGHTER.

This was a great start to the fic and I can't wait to see more!