Well don, here’s something interesting. I was listening to this story on my phone while driving. Right at the part where maple left the truck, i watched a pickup get t-boned by a ford explorer. It was very interesting. It all happened right in front of me. And i knew it was going to happen, i saw the car pull out, and i thought,
“Huh, theres gonna be a wreck.”
Wham!
Nobody died, or was hurt. But i had to pause the story to call 911. And then I couldn’t remember where i had left off.
You ever see a truck roll over doing 60 mph? There was a dirt bike in the back too, it went flying down the road.
So yes, interesting day.

I don’t really have anything to say about this chapter. I do think that the salvation would be challenged by attack aircraft instead of the shuttle, but thats about the only thing I’ve got. So far, i have been able to guess when you will upload. At some point i will just randomly think, “don will be uploading today”. And within a few hours of that thought, i get the email. Spooky, i know.
Have fun with school, especially with the corona games in session.
You have my pity.

I'm going to leave this as a review of the entire story so far. This is actually the first time I've read a fanfiction on FFN, and i have to say this is easily the most creative WOF fanfic I've EVER come across. I really thought I was the only one merging sci-fi into Wings of Fire , but this is on a completely new level. The lore, worldbuilding, and characters are unbelievably colorful, and I'm an especially big fan of the way you managed to integrate a "racial relations" theme throughout the description of Hidden's home dimension when it came to the humans of that dimension, going as far to turn the familiar dragon term for humans in canon WOF into a slur among the peoples of your universe. And in terms of universes, my goodness, you've really achieved something by the sheer *quantity* of original AUs, all at the same time being unique and well-developed AUs at that! I'm really liking this so far, and the sole reason I signed up for a FFN account today was to favorite this fic and leave this comment. Keep going, I can't wait to see how this story continues!

Sorry it took so long to get to tgis. Lifes been crazy. I haven’t been able to slow down for the past week.

So, a few things are a little odd. Like how a colonel can order tanks, infantry and ground support aircraft at a whim.
But, eh, i see that its for the story.

Say, ricky was able to snag an advanced energy shield. Perhaps Reggie can pick up an m16. You know, a useful, human sized tool to help him later.

I have a suggestion. I know that you like futuristic stuff, but I suggest doing something a little different when it comes to laser guns.
I suggest that instead of lasers or plasma guns, you have these futuristic weapons firing actual projectiles.
These future weapons can have a different kind of bullet, perhaps with tungsten cores. And a different form of propellant, something that is more powerful than gunpowder.
Why do I suggest this? Well, it’s different. And cooler, in my opinion. Plus, i think plasma guns are not a good idea. What will hot plasma or lasers do that a piece of steel or depleted uranium wont?
So yeah. Its not a very big suggestion, with story altering characteristics, but in my opinion it would make it a little better. A little more logical. Maybe i would like plasma guns better if their blasts weren’t so slow, or if they ejected spent shell casings. But they strike me as ineffective against armor.

Im suspecting that Xavier and Ricky will get caught. Theres no way they can outfly helicopters, or hide from their thermal sights.

Also, i see what your saying about not wanting to kill characters. You love them, and don’t want to see them go. And at the moment, it appears you are trying to keep this story a little more light hearted.
But, if you want to convince the audience that they are in danger, you have to at least injure them.

So, injuring Xavier was a good call. Dont be afraid to actually have his condition become severe, where the characters are really, really worried for his life. They have all the advanced medical stuff, so you can get away with it. Also, as a side note with that, even with the advanced medical stuff, don’t have it be a magically quick recovery. That would be like bringing Fatespeaker back from the dead in my other story.

Alrighty, I think i have blathered enough. See ya

"He had a small scar across his nose, and he wore a golden hoop earring in one ear."
The fandom: SCREAMS
I have a confession to make: I'm not going to be able to review every chapter :( School has started and I'm taking a lot of hard classes this year, and I also need to work on my own writing goals (and do things like, you know, applying for college). So it's not because I've lost interest - I will follow this story till the end. But until further notice, know that this story is one of my favorite fics on this website, and I will follow Hidden & CO's adventures with avid interest.
This is the Unidentified Whistling Object, signing off.
...
Okay one question, is Maple based on Mabel from Gravity Falls?

Lol the second I saw the words 'first contact' I knew exactly what was about to happen...well not the things going to shit part, but heh. Xd
Wonder how this will turn out.

Reverse alien encounter. Interesting. Its good to see conventional equipment. One thing i dont like, and this is not your fault. I see you are making a parody of other stories that have this scene.

With these alien encounter scenes, they always do the exact same thing. Soldiers, tanks, apc’s, self propelled guns, infantry, and ground support aircraft. All these units drive right up to the alien ship and sit in nice little groups or lines. Then the alien proves to be hostile, or in this case misunderstood, and the military begins shooting. Their weapons prove ineffective, or they are incapable of hitting their targets. Then they all retreat in terror as the aliens effortlessly destroy them.

Im sorry, but im going on a bit of a rant here.

In their effort to show how powerless humans are, they portray the military to be a bunch of ninnys. They make such stupid mistakes.
Why would you send a valuable, high ranking general to potentially die while making contact? Why would you stack infantry and armor in undefended, totally exposed positions?
Why isnt the area zero’d to be stonked at a moments notice?
Why arent there bombers waiting with moab’s/BLU 82/demolition bombs?

So, because i like military stuff, im gonna ask. Are these humans armed with the same equipment as American forces? Or something different, because phyria?
Im assume they are armed with M16 and M4 rifles.

I had a conversation a while back on the supposed effectiveness of bullets against dragons. Using ballistics, math, and other advanced stuff, I believe we arrived to the conclusion that yes, rifles would indeed be able to bring down dragons.
So it will be interesting to see what you do with this. Those two dragons are big targets, the humans had full auto weapons. They would have put a lot of lead on target.
Now, i don’t think you are going to kill or maim any characters (unless you surprise me), but i am curious as to how you are going to portray the bullet injuries. I hope you don’t just have them shrug them off like its no big deal. Depending on where they’re hit, they could be hurt pretty badly. And if xavir is bleeding heavily enough to leave a visible blood trail in the sky, then he must have gotten hit somewhere serious.
Maybe you will surprise me. Im placing a bet with myself. Lets see what side of me is right on the bullet-wound portrayal.

One other thing. I see Ricky is using some kind of future shield. Ill never understand how an energy shield makes any sense, but thats beside the point. I just wanna say, be careful of showing the future tech being too op. I know that technology from the future is advanced, but it shouldn’t make all the older stuff completely useless.
One interesting thing to go with that. I noticed that in several cases, advanced tech is created to counter other advanced tech. But in the process, older tech is capable of countering the new stuff.
I can give an example if ya want.

For that reason, i would argue that tanks are better than mechs. Well, that and a whole lot of other reasons. And normal guns are better than laser guns.

Okay, i see i am bringing up an argument that doesn’t need to be made. Im gonna leave that there for now. My brain is fried at the moment, i cant think anymore.

Good chapter, cant wait for the next. See ya.
Pt35

Blistering barnacles I'm late again. I read the chapter when it came out but I wanted to wait until I wasn't at work to review it so I could listen to the song, and one thing led to another and then I just aaagghh. Thanks for including the song though, it was really cool.
Good fight scene, but I like the interactions at the end of the chapter even better. I knew Luna had a tragic backstory! I assume she's going to join the team eventually, based on the cover. Excited!
$1,000 is a good price for the magic orb thingy. Thanks for the explanation.
On to the next chapter!

It was good, but your characters need some help. I didn't realize he has wings until you said he took flight. Describe them. Also, is he tall, short, does the grass tickle him because he is smaller than a human? Tell me about his friend.. what is he like, look like, etc. Describe the silk wing, I want more than just another cranky passenger on the train. Is she dark and brooding? Does she have pointed teeth? Flaming red hair? The setting is good, characters need a little help.

Earlier, I made the mistake of passing this story off. Big mistake. This story, plain put, is not only entertaining, but fun. There's a lot of time spent on characters that I would've expected to be spent on the plot, seeing the premise, but having personable characters just makes this story that much more fun. It's well written too, fight scenes having enough detail to convey the intensity, but it doesn't linger, and the character dialog is of epic proportion, as is the world building. Man even made up a frikin card game. There is one thing I feel is missing, or more like underdeveloped. The conflict. Sure, chapters could always have our dudes captured, but they always make it out in one or two chapters. There's really only small parts where what seems like the main conflict is touched on, with an overarching war, and powerful superdragons. You could argue that the main goal is making it home, but if so, its not conveyed. This story has some much potential though, and to hear chapter 21 was around the midpoint almost makes me sad. It'd be interesting to explore different timelines' lore, or even their own, with its Great War and all that. Heck, they could even visit an alt timeline of their own world where the Great War ended in a nuclear exchange, and have it Metro style and all that jazz. Though, I guess I've spent enough time rambling, and to give my opinion on this story, if it wasn't already clear. This story, is amazing. It may not be as deep as other stories, such as Finding Peace, but its exciting, fun, and has a lighter atmosphere which can still transfer some more serious moments.

Schools starting already? Oof.
So, to be honest, i would have left out the song. In my opinion, it was distracting. Took away from the scene.
But other than that, it was pretty alright. Now, just so you know, i dont like anime. There are many reasons, but one of the big ones is because of the overpowered, drawn out, flashy fight scenes.
I have whatched 1 anime movie, jin roh, the wolf brigade. If you watch that one, you will understand completely why i liked it, as you compare it to the other animes.
That being said, my preferences are not the same as everyone elses. Im not trying to trash your writing or interests.
So then, moving on. I definitely liked this outcome better than the other. Good job on the scene where her leg was broken, i can just picture the limb breaking in one, violent snap of lunas wrist.
I myself probably would have written a more serious injury, just for the suspense of it. But hey, thats me, not everyone else.
I am curious though. What was the scene you scrapped? I know the frustration of putting a lot of work into something, only to throw it away.

It will be interesting to see the rematch. Maybe lin could accidentally break lunas leg, make things even. Who knows? Lotta possibilities.
See ya next time.

A great chapter! The fight scenes were intense! Xd

I've wanted to bring this up for several chapters now but I kept forgetting. _'. Anyway, it came to me that Reggie should learn how to fight too, now that he has a dragon suit he will need too. Or at the very least learn how to survive as just a human against a dragon, sure one on one reggie would most likely lose, but not IMPOSSIBLE for him to win. After all it took only a lucky hit to kill the sandwing qween. What I'm getting at us is shouldn't Reggie ask lin to teach him how he could survive against a dragon with or without the mech?

I left you a pm. Im not sure it went through though. Please let me know if you got it

Good chapter! That said, this should probably be the last arena fight for this story, unless you add a third nearer to the end if you want to draw parallels or something, I dunno. Glad to hear that Blue and Sundew aren't dead, although if Luna exists in this timeline, then they probably would, too. But it's fine! Excited to see how the fight with Luna goes - something tells me she'll be tougher than Lin's other two competitors, and maybe even Lin herself!
One more thing - how much are scales worth? Because a hundred thousand scales sounds like a lot, but if adult admission to a hole-in-the-wall fight show is 550, how valuable is that magic thingy?
Signing off for now, thanks for posting!

Fight scenes are hard to write. And I’ve written several, outside of ff in my original stories. It is hard to show the events, while still keeping up the pacing.

Here’s something that i discovered though. A fight doesn’t have to be very long in order to be good. In fact, fights are actually pretty short in real life. (Keep in mind, the fight scenes i write aren’t non-lethal like this one. Mine are violent, as two or more characters intend to kill, or at least incapacitate their opponent.)
This is something that a lot of stories don’t do very often. They want to show a big long fight scene, with lots of exciting action. Thats why we get all of those five minute sword fights. In real life, sword fights would last between three to five swings, or just a few seconds.
I try to write a shorter fight scene, pack more gritty, tiring, realistic action into a small package.
Now, the only example i have is back in my other story, with clay against scarlet. Thats not my best example, i did do some things differently. But its a tiny example of what i mean.
Obviously I’m not telling you to do what I’m doing. What your doing is fine, although as you pointed out with hidden, id like less dialogue in the middle of a fight.

I think i know how the next one is gonna end. But, once again, you could surprise me. I do have a suggestion though, if you would like to hear it. Obviously, if you have everything planned, then you don’t need any help. But if you would like to hear it, send me a pm. I have recently gotten access to pm’s.

Also, please don’t feel like I’m pressuring you, or trying to make you change the story for my liking. Im just making the offer, i wont be upset if you don’t want my opinion/suggestion.

Hmm, i think that wraps it up. Maybe i babbled too much. I have a habit of doing that.
See ya

It's only a little bit contrived - they need to stock up on supplies. That line about capitalism is really good!
I noticed the names of the street signs, and now I'm worried that Blue and Sundew are dead war heroes or something, and Luna survived and that's why she seems less cheerful than in the books. Sorry this is late!