Frankly, I don't have anything really to say here. A lot of the corporate talk kind of got lost on me, so I feel for Steven and his daydreaming... although to say we'd be getting a chapter focusing on Steven at all is out of left field, so that's a nice change of pace.

It's the second half of the chapter that's really interesting. It sounds like Cynthia lead him to regigigas, and that in turn seems to be leading to steven discovering... which was the one in the desert? Regirock? I have zero idea where -this- is going to tie into the story, but that's all the better.

And now I have PMs to reply to.

Ah, there's some more of that lovely personality for Gibs here, and honestly this is the stuff I mean. It really makes you care more that Mark's separated from his partner, just a little bit. Granted, in this case, there's only so much concern one can feel, both with Mark having just done what he did as well as barely knowing he or the liepard much previously anyway, but any little bit helps.

Hah, I love that they refer to Archie as Captain Ahab.

I'm also absolutely loving the interaction with the solrock. It's arguably much harder to describe, but that makes it even more enjoyable to watch.

Oh, and there's Mark talking about how dangerous his team is. The question then becomes, does he mean powerful, or does he mean it in a "maybe I shouldn't be involved" sort of way? He does hesitate, after all.

Oh wait, Spitfire has her own organization too? That's interesting.

Huh. And now Natalie's mad at Mark. This is the sort of thing I just don't understand with protesting. Natalie was a part of it herself, how could she be mad that Mark was too? (I'm not expecting an answer for this, by the way.) Something about KOing a cop's team doesn't feel good. This probably won't end well for her.

Ah, and then she starts questioning it herself. I want to say good for her, but it's hard for me to keep my personal feelings out of the writing.

Wow, this parking lot battle is completely chaotic. Mark's doing really damn well, being able to fend off three other trainers. He's really no joke.

Oh, and what's this? Archie is Natalie's brother? Quite the shock there, if I understand this right (and now we know why his name wasn't revealed before now). but it makes Mark's escape all the more impressive, too.

Alright, I think chapter 4 here is the new stuff, so that's where I'll be starting this review from, as I didn't really notice anything different in the previous three chapters from my first read.

So, gurdurr. I tend to dislike fighting types, and gurdurr is no exception. That said, I've never seen one in a fic before, so I have no problems with it. It's also a strange choice for Natalie, I feel like, but it's too early really to tell.

So, the black master ball thing... is that supposed to be able to catch trainer's pokemon or something? I assume that's what the cop was planning to do if Natalie hadn't recalled him, anyway... that feels like a whole mess of nasty implications waiting to happen.

I love the reference to the song.

Hm... you know, just reading about this protest makes me a little uneasy. Like, it's written really well, to the point where I know I'd probably avoid it had I seen it in person. It really gets its point across. Although, I really, really do hate it when these things block traffic and shit like that. That's the kind of thing that, as a passerby, would end up making me lean towards the other side of the protest, regardless of whatever the protest is over.

Yup, that's what those master balls were for. And immediately, Magma is smart, just recalling and changing locations to send out again. It's a wonder this isn't used more often to get out of tight spots.

Huh. It's interesting how Natalie sees Magma protecting the protesters and sides with them immediately, like they weren't the ones to start the engagement to begin with. I guess I'm just on the other side of the fence; this isn't how one should be arguing their case.

Oh, it looks like Mark's not only a member, but a higher ranking one, huh? That's interesting.

I wonder what Natalie's all shocked at. That Mark is there? Yeah, maybe. That the protest got violent and the destruction left behind? Maybe that too, but Natalie willingly joined in on that one... I can't help but wonder now if she'll continue with Magma or if she'll end up on the other (Aqua?) side after this.

I like that this chapter jumps to Mark's perspective. Sometimes in a story with two main characters, when it sticks to just one character's POV, when the other one pops up it feels less rewarding. We never get that other side of the story. But that's not the case here. It's some nice agency in showing that Mark and Natalie, while intertwined via the narrative, are still their own separate people living their own separate lives. It's nicely presented this way, and in this case serves to invest me in Mark's narrative, not just how Mark relates to Natalie's.

Interestingly, Mark doesn't seem to be very good at keeping a low profile. Getting socked in the face, other Gym trainers thinking he's in trouble with Roxanne. Very stealthy. I also realize we never did find out just what happened that he had to run off that first night and get punched in the face...

Speaking of punching, our first battle! I like that you broke from convention and gave us some unusual combatants for the Rustboro Gym. Funny that it wasn't even a rock typing that mattered in the battle. You know my feelings about Orwell and how much I love it, but you also do a wonderful job of showing Mark's penchant for shady dealings on the side has an impact on the way his pokemon behave in battle. Orwell's defensive tendencies even in a controlled Gym battle setting are both endearing and worrisome. It's clear, though, that Mark is an experienced battler, and Natalie makes up for lack of strategy with heart. The depictions of the attacks were clear, and a few takes on attacks were unique, like the crunch being energy-based but still responsive to the pokemon's physical moves. It worked well!

And after the match, Natalie leaving instead of challenging Roxanne is that little spark again showing that this *isn't* about her being a trainer any more. She's made up her mind. Having Mark catch onto that and warn her about the protest (which again, we know how it turns out) is the second cog catching onto the wheel of this story's plot. To me, this is the true "end of the beginning" with chapter 4 being the jumping off point of no return, and the point that invests me in the story in full.

Hm, I just realized that Mark proposed they meet up in the evening to explain, and that never happens, as next chapter opens with the protest itself? Or is he proposing they meet up *tomorrow* night after the protest? (which we know how that goes down)

Backstory time! I do like that this chapter, which feels like a bit more of a traditional opening chapter, comes *after* the meeting between our two protagonists. We learn more about Natalie's upbringing, including her main pokemon partner, her family life, and the all important brother. I know I've mentioned this before, but I still don't think the name Bubba fits the feel of the story. I know it's a nickname, but I cannot take it seriously (especially given that he's involved in politics and now protests and all manner of serious public profile things).

Weirdly, despite the overarching mystery of her brother's disappearance, I can't help but find myself more interested in the ongoing turmoil in Rustboro with the pipeline protest. Perhaps because it becomes the linking factor of all of Natalie's motivations. Her waning confidence about pokemon training, learning about the pipeline from Mark and the protest flyer, and then finding the photo of her brother in the older protest. It's the here and now that seems to be the most interesting, while Natalie might be motivated by her desire to uncover the past, it's not really driving what's happening in the here and now.

That last line though, [But Bubba would go]. I think that's the ticket. There's the magic bullet that invests me in Natalie's story, or more importantly, what Natalie's story is going to *become*.

It's always interesting leaving a review after you've read through something once. Perhaps it's cheating, but I think given the nature of these first few chapters it's refreshing to see how they work as a whole to set up the big jumping off point for the story.

At first glance, this is a chapter about a conversation. An introduction to the introduction. We meet two characters, who (via the summary) we know to be main players in this story. Natalie is a junior trainer, and also a junior detective, and apparently middle-of-the-road at both of these things. Mark is a senior trainer who makes a living as a Gym trainer and has a penchant for being tall, dark, and mysterious. At first glance, Natalie doesn't feel that distinguished from other "trainer journey OCs" and Mark feels like a nice stand in tailored toward Natalie's interests. But a single chapter does not a fanfiction make.

Though I wouldn't say this chapter alone shines that much on its own, it does set the table nicely for the rest of the story. The real magic for me is when it's read in succession with other four chapters of this opening intro-arc. There's several curiosities in this chapter that pique interest (Natalie's mystery, Natalie's training journey, Mark's cryptic dialogue, and Mark's urgent phone call), but nothing about either of these two characters has me fully invested. Yet. (Oh boy does that change, though)

The dialogue is nice and snappy and it flows well. Definitely got a laugh as Mark let Natalie dig a hole for herself with that junior-detective bit about his hometown. In particular, the worldbuilding scattered through this opening chapter is wonderfully done, giving us bits of info about just how this version of Hoenn works without dumping it all in some big chunk of exposition. And again, it's juicy to see how the info here might not be the most exciting stuff, but it lays the foundations for big things to come. It's that little slip of paper in the reader's shoe that says, "go on, keep reading if you want to know more." And I do.

Chekov's swablu trainer keeping an eye on Steven, I see... I'm enjoying watching these small seeds be planted for later. I'll be curious to see who this is and their impact on the story later.

Also, I like the diversion from the usual "mentoring" role that Steven usually has for Brendan and May in most Hoenn-centric stories. The fact that Brendan is in more of a research role (and that his last name is Birch) suggests that May would be the player character (if this were simply an OC story set to the game's storyline) and that she and Steven appear outright hostile to one another was an interesting surprise.

It's really neat to see RSE/ORAS game lore twisted around into something completely different here. Looking forward to continuing to read!

Hi OldSchoolJohto!

I'm only on chapter 2, but I was hooked from the note in the shoe. I'm going to have to finish up this story later for sure. You've done a very excellent job of building your world and I love it. Have you seen Detective Pikachu? Such a great job of building up an atmosphere of crime noir in your fic. You do a good job of blending our world with theirs.

Thanks! Other people have valid criticisms, so listen to them if you want, but this is so far a very entertaining story. I hope you finish.

This is FASCINATING.

Just read all chapters straight through, and you've managed to throw in a few nice twists in such a short amount of time - super impressive.

The protest scene is so, SO well done. I didn't realize until it was over that I was holding in a breath the whole way through. Natalie's gradual transformation and character journey is very well done, and I thought it was a smart call to introduce the twist with her brother early on, rather than hold it. Can't wait to keep reading and see what comes next.

Off-roading the canon, huh? But did you bring the collapsible expresso maker?

* Ahem *

It's nice to see this chapter all prettied up and polished. Some larger-picture thoughts on it. We've been in Mark's head before, but this chapter feels the most intimate. It's Mark with some of his confidence shattered and his barriers down. You get the sense that he's compartmentalized his life to an unhelpful extent. Also very telling that two of the most important people in his life here, Gibs and Cora, he likes in large part because they don't demand very much from him.

Orwell continues to be the sweetest solrock-you have successfully made me love that little psychic rocky lunk. Montag cough Maxie cough makes a new dynamic with Mark. I'll be interested to see how Mark's relationship with Montag contrasts with Natalie's and Archie's next chapter. She clearly idolizes her brother the way Mark idolizes Montag, but maybe that's been shaken by everything that's gone down? Looking forward to seeing how that interaction plays out and, of course, the long-promised Steven appearance.

Also, intentional oil spill v bad ideas and I am pretty sure this will make for some pretty strong anti-Magma ammunition for Natalie's brother.

Okay! I actually am up to chapter five (gasp), but the per-chapter reviews here are going to be a mix of before/after reading thoughts.

[Natalie Armstrong didn't especially want a drink, but she wasn't ready to go back to her hostel yet either.]
[She kept touching it, reminding herself it was real, though she didn't need to open the paper to remember what it said: Stop looking for him. Go back to Slateport. Your dad doesn't need to mourn two children.]
I love this as an opening paragraph - Natalie's brother is a huge driving force for this intro arc here, and it's a neat little mystery that we get hints of throughout these early chapters that gives a bit more direction for things. I found the last lines of this paragraph a lot more impactful than the first ones though - I almost wish you'd led with those instead; they do a great job of setting up the theme/tone for this.

[she stumbled across On the Rocks]
Honestly not sure about convention for this. I feel like quotes/italics to denote names of places would help this read a little more clearly though.

["The real world is fucked up. I don't have much patience for stories that don't acknowledge it."]
oof.
Your dialogue here is killer though.

[Mark chuckled and sipped his beer. "What gave me away?"]
["So you just wanted to see how big of an ass I'd make of myself."]
I love this lmao.

[But he was still smiling, so she smiled back.]
I'm really interested to see how this dynamic fleshes out! I admit I was a little nervous when you said this was about romance and Natalie's chapters read so unironically naive (and so much focus on how she's constantly seeking his attention/approval), but Mark's chapters make it clear that, yeah, mysterious half-smirking bad boy is actually quite Aware.

[It didn't even have a camera]
lovely foreshadowing here

The burn on the first three chapters is a bit slow - I actually think it works here, though, because it works to establish the relationship between Mark/Natalie [s]before throwing it all in the trash[/s]. On my first readthrough of this chapter there was a lot of "interesting, but then what happens?" feelings, and I do wonder if some combination of the intro three chapters could be cut/re-combined to maybe two, to keep the plot threads running. The characters introduced in this chapter are solid, but plotwise it's mostly just crumbs/foreshadowing (mainly with Natalie's brother and baaaaby hints at activism), so the next few chapters end up doing double-duty to set up the events for the rest of the world - wouldn't hurt to maybe spread some of those into this chapter to balance things out a bit.

But I love the themes that you've got going here, for sure - Magma/Aqua rewrites as climate activists is definitely a major Mood and I think you do a good job of preserving enough of the originals while still doing a more realistic tone change.

More thoughts to come! I suck at spacing out reviews by chapter haha.

Dunt dunt DUN!

What an exciting, but appropriate development! I liked the foreshadowing where Natalie mentions that the aqua symbols are frequent in her hometown.

["Both." She didn't smile.]
Thought this was a great moment of subtle character development. She's saying something that could be cute and snarky if she smiled while she said it, but since she doesn't, you can feel the impact of what happened sinking in. Brave. Stupid. Or both.

You did a great job with all the action sequences. I couldn't always follow what was going on, but I think that was the point? It's chaotic and everywhere, not like an official battle.

Mark clearly thinks she's some sort of infiltrator now. And his reaction has shown her that it's not all fun and games hanging out with the brooding magma asshole. And Natalie's found her brother! I was expecting him to be Aqua when the two showed up, but didn't expect him to be Archie. I guess Archie's always seemed middle aged to me, and her brother can't be older than thirty, yeah? But I am happy to suspend canon ages.

Excited to learn what Aqua's philosophy is, and what's put them into conflict with Magma.

That was brilliant! Absolutely love how you depicted the rhythms of the protest, particularly when the local protest meets the red block. The contrast between the two is so clear-one mostly ordinary people, disorganized but angry, and then Magma, who are organized and to some extent, professional. The moment when the two merge was so tense, great job!

I love how you made the threat of the police feel real-with the power limiter that doesn't limit, masterballs that mean they can recall any trainer's pokemon, and the use of noxious gas. I see the real world analogies clearly, though I have to wonder whether a swarm of dustox using something like sleep powder wouldn't make far superior crowd control.

Natalie's reactions and how she was slowly drawn into the group mindset of the protest were done well. It's been clear from the past chapters that she's aimless, looking for something exciting. This was definitely exciting.

The ending was also excellent, when what has been implied all along becomes clear-Magma has their own agenda. Is the havoc it causes worth it? The line [the red bloc streamed away from the remains of the crowd like blood from a wound] was just perfect. The writing was stand-out throughout this chapter-you conveyed the energy and emotion of each moment well.

Oh, and I really appreciated the Draconid land acknowledgement.

So the gym trainers are basically working a job, switching shifts and such. An interesting notion. Also interesting that Mark not only uses a gigalith (and a bastiodon actually, neither being Hoenn pokemon), but also that he regularly uses it in matches. I know we discussed the gym tier status previously so that's not unusual in itself, but it does seem unusual that he's using a fully-evolved pokemon often enough to where he has to be asked to ease up in what is supposed to be considered the tratitional "first" gym in Hoenn. I'll also give credit to the notion of gym trainers throwing matches to challengers. That's another little detail in Pedestal that way played with late in the story that I enjoyed.

So there's some detail on Natalie; It's still a little sparce but given our previous discussion I don't think it needs to be changed or moved or anything.

Aisha really gets into her role, doesn't she? That's cute. Also I like the description of Orwell's psychic presence in Mark's mind as soon as it hits the field. That's a good way to convey a psychic's feelings and such. Also the fact that it shields Mark the moment it appears; a neat little tidbit but one that also raises questions; why does it do that? I imagine something must have happened in the past. How can it keep up shielding its trainer while focusing on the battle? I also like that Mark was expecting a rock-type counter and though he doen't get one, he still has to deal with the type disadvantage regardless!

And there goes the light shield. So I guess it can't hold its concentration the entire time. (You seem to be using biting attacks the way the games do, where they're not physically biting their foes, but using some sort of shadowy apparition to do so. In regards to your opening comments, I've always imagined bite attacks to do something similar, just around their actual teeth, and that's why they can bite rocks with no harm to themselves. Sort of how you can punch the rocks with ice and do more harm to them than yourself.)

The only critique I really have is... rockslide one word? Both of my spellchecks mark it as incorrect. (Also the sucker punch description sounded almost more like feint attack; without the opening notes I wouldn't have been able to tell the difference, especially since sucker punch should have failed without another move being ordered from Mark, at least if you're strictly following how the move works in-game.)

That was a good battle there, and Natalie checking on Luna's paw before celebrating was a nice, realistic touch. I also like the conversation at the end; Natalie gets tired of the veiled flirting and just gets to the point. Which also ties in to the main reason they had the conversation to begin with, so it's not just meaningless flirting, either.

I can see why you liked this chapter. I know there's only three so far, but this one has been the best of those three despite the fact that it has the least plot progression.