I really enjoyed the first book, but your writing isn’t as good in this one. It’s unrealistically dramatic.

Jocelyn was waaaay too much. She comes off incredibly unrealistic. She’s ELEVEN and just introduced into a whole new world, plus she’s a first year. Emelyn has superiority over her in age, magical knowledge, friends at Hogwarts, and experiences in the magical world in general. There is no way a first year muggle born is that confident and excessive right off the bat. Even Draco wasn’t this extreme and he had obvious reasons for being as pompous and arrogant as he was.

I suggest you cut back a bit, show some character development with Jocelyn. Slow down and work your way up too this extreme behavior. You’re jumping the gun and it comes off poorly written. I’m not saying to turn her into a good guy or anything, but there is no logical reason for her to be acting this excessive so soon in the story.

I hope this didn’t come off as harsh or too critical. You’re doing a good job! Keep it up!