You left out a period in the archive summery. It blew the mind of my text to speech program and read it like a run on sentence. I must read with the program - vision impairment - so it took me considerable time and a couple of enlargement bumps to establish that a period should be after Ms Gilbert's name and what the heck you meant. Typo's can be an inadvertent aberration in a writers career. My word processor underlines areas with such punctuation blunders in green rather than the red for spelling mishaps, so I hope this isn't a reoccurring theme in your writing. Find a good word processer and use it. It really makes a difference.

HarryxOc \(*o*)/

I loved it, I hope the next chapter

Hope this updates soon! really enjoying it so far

Can't wait to see what kind of trouble the girls get into...

Seriously Radio Free Death? You've made all of these criticisms of the author's style but you can't even use the correct word during these statements? The word is "assess" and not "access". The way you use it sounds like he's trying to get to something, instead of figuring it out. This screw up, during your criticism of someone who is actually writing a story, was sickening enough that I was sure that I would laugh at the rest of your review if I continued to read it. I am not an English teacher, and I don't always use the proper grammar, but I do at least TRY to use the words that have the meaning that I'm trying to share. If you have a doubt, Google isn't very difficult to use if you are able to figure out how to type "define:" before the word you are unsure of. Don't bother to respond with a whiny excuse. I'm going to be posting this review for that chapter as I've written it here, except I will be adding your name to it. BTW, what stories have you published here? I haven't written any, mostly due to that bad grammar I mentioned above. I'd really like for everyone to be able to read and review YOUR work. May they flame you well.

[He took an uneasy look to his left when there was movement in the basket next to him.]

So there's a total lack of description that makes it really difficult to access what's going on. All we know is that he's on a balcony above an alley. Is it a busy alley? Is the balcony he's on even his? How did he get up there?

["Merlin, help me." He thought]

Never use quotes for thoughts, as it's too close to spoken dialogue.

[He continued his vigil with renewed earnest. He had to find what he was looking for, he didn't want to think about the consequences if he didn't.]

The fact that we have no idea what he's looking for, not to mention he doesn't know, means that this scene has no tension whatsoever. Why should we care that this guy is running out of time?