You know the writing is fine to me. No one here should expect amazing levels of writing, this is fanfiction after all, but the your story’s writing is decent and definitely not bad. I just wish Kanao followed Tanjiro ;-; #TanKana

The story is going amazing we all know that but dude that leafy call-out got me

So far, this story is great, and I've had a fun time reading it... Also, is the "succeed in today's climate" omake a reference?

Kirishima was in Mina's class too right? Weren't they good friends? You might want to sneak him in somehow.

Random thought. Are you going to have Tanjiro learn some of the other breathing types that he knows the basics of? He did learn some of the lightning breathing from Zenitsu and hybridized that with his Sun Breathing. He also got a manuscript from Rengoku's brother that had all the flame breathing forms even if it was torn up a bit, and if he could somehow access the memories of sorichii again he could learn more probably. I just think it'd be interesting and cool if he could do more than what he has in the anime with as much time to practice as he's had

This is defiantly one of the better fanfics our there and has really good potential with the setup you gave it. For a first try this is pretty good. If I didn't know, I thought you've had at least a bit more experience writing. While the starting premise was a bit strange, you managed to execute it well enough where I can follow along well enough. While there is a bit of genky here and there, there's not enough to pull me out of the story. And granted, this is just the introduction, which is probably the biggest hurdle for most authors. A lot of stories I like and find really good have somewhat genky starts. As of right now, you're sitting at about a 90% pretty good with a 10% stuff being a bit off or clunky. Because this is a review and I got my compliments out of the way, I'm going to focus and nitpick that 10%.

You somewhat have the classic fanfic/beginning author problem of "I have to detail everything". It might also be an issue that comes from you approaching this like an anime. You want to tell us everything down to the minutia, and that's hurts your writing in places. For example. In chapter 8, "His eyes didn't leave the left side of their head as the shinai impacted it. The head shifted to the right, signifying an impact was made". I know this is a bit nitpicky, but it's a small example of a larger problem. Why did you feel the need to mention the fact their head moved? One would assume a person's head would move if they were struck in the head by a shinai. You could say it's to say it's to show Tanjiro scored a point, but I would have assumed he scored the minute he hit the guy in the head. You should really only add extra detail if it's going to lead to something key, or it's out of the ordinary. Maybe Tanjiro hit him really hard, but is later shocked by the fact that his head doesn't move. As it stands, you can remove the second sentence, and would lose nothing and the flow of thought would be a bit better, in my opinion.

This same idea carries over to when Tanjiro talks where people tend to choose to go when taking the career assessment. We already watched/read MHA, we already know people without good quirks tend not to go to hero courses or that people who had good quirks gravitate towards heroics. The same extends to when Tanjiro talks about the differences between the current time period and the Taisho era. If the point you want is Tanjiro is adjusting to a modern world, you don't need to talk about the reason why the latest technology wasn't available to everyone in the Taisho era. You could have just left it at the Demon Slayer Corp finding providing clocks to every member a bit too expensive given their newness and Tanjiro learning to tell time from looking at the sky, and the same idea would have come across.

This carries over to your action scenes. It's not that they're necessarily bad, but you're looking at it like an anime. You're dictating everything when you don't necessarily have to when you're in a writing format. If I have to guess, this is exhausting you a fair bit as you're trying to translate exactly what's in your head, and putting it onto text, which is just the wrong way to use the writing format. There are times when it makes your sentences/sequences a bit clunky. For example: "The cloud of dust picked up once more and flew back. As the wind carried it a respectable distance, it started to condense into one spot. It took humanoid form until it changed in appearance and color". There's too much "x leads to x which leads to x" in separate sentences. Something like "The wind picked up the cloud of dust and carried it a respectable distance until it began to condense and shake into the shape of a human" might end up flowing better.

Another example in chapter 6 (Ryukyu vs the villain fight), "The villain raised one of his gigantic arms to tank the shot, sliding back as he did so. His feet, which were planted in the ground, made foot sized indents in the ground, going through a straight line" could be changed to "The villain had slid back as he tanked the shot with his gigantic arms, his planted feet leaving grooves in the floor."

You also need to leave room for the audience to extrapolate and really only detail key moments in the fight or how the fighters are feeling. I don't need to know exactly where Ryukyo places her hands when she does her choke hold. You're not writing for something that's going to be seen, so don't write like it is.

With your style something like the last moments of Tanjiro vs Rui, specifically when Rui starts retreating, would end up out like "The demon leapt, sending threads towards Tanjiro's legs. Tanjiro cut the threads with a right swing of his katana before they could reach him. He stumbled, and recovered on his left leg, before pursuing his target again. The demon then swung his arms inward, sending threads to try to cut Tanjiro into pieces. Tanjiro countered by spinning and destroying all of the threads meant for him. With another step of his right foot, Tanjiro took another swing at Rui, this time almost grazing the demon as he tried to send more threads to cut Tanjiro's legs off. With another step, Tanjiro saw it. The opening thread. This was his only chance, he had to take it. This demon was too much of a threat to his comrades. Too much of a threat to Nezuko. And so he swung his sword, aiming for the demons neck, not caring is he going to be cut to pieces in the process."

Now compare this to "Tanjiro pursued the demon, cutting thread after thread the demon sent his way. The panic now clear on his face. With each swing, he got closer and closer to his target. With each swing, the demon got more and more desperate to get some space between them. Eventually, Tanjiro saw it. The opening thread. This was his only chance, he had to take it. The demon was too dangerous to be left alive. Too much of a threat to his comrades. Too much of a threat to Nezuko. And so Tanjiro swung his sword, not caring if he was going to be cut to pieces in the process".

Granted, even I would say that the first excerpt is not that good. It's clunky everywhere. There's numerous places I could improve it, and it doesn't even cover the entire sequence I'm talking about. But that's the point. The first excerpt is exhausting to do and probably more exhausting to improve. The second, while not as visually epic (in my opinion), allows for more flexibility. There are certainly areas you could add more detail if you want. Both can be improved with formatting, but the second one requires less. I don't need to worry about the detail to detail, how stuff sounds and links in sequence for the entire thing.

Though, I acknowledge that this could be a style or taste difference. If you feel that what you're doing is more in line with what you want, by all means keep going. I acknowledge that it works for the most part, but I thought I should go into this as you do complain about your action scenes in your ANs. If you want a resource, I highly recommend watching Hello Future Me's video on action scenes as he does a much better job at explaining and improving than I ever will be able to and dissects this exact problem.

A few more minor issues are also here and there. I wouldn't say the villain in chapter 4 had the most sensical of motivations and I don't really see a point to All Might's part in chapter 5. You sometimes mix up Total Concentration Breathing and Total Concentration Breathing Constant as you say Tanjiro needs to remaster Total Concentration Breathing, but he's been using Hinokami Kagura which is Total Concentration Breathing. That and you say Hinokami Kagura isn't Total Concentration Breathing when it is in reality. It's Sun Breathing, if I remember right though Tanjiro might not know that quite yet given he died to Akaza here.

All in all remember, most of what I talked about was the 10% problem. This story mostly works in my opinion. Though, I would be even worse if this were an official work, it's not. It's Fanfiction. It gets a lot more leeway and is a hell of a lot better than most of the stuff out there. You hit all the right marks for a pretty good one and I look forward to what you put out in the future and Tanjiro in the world of MHA.

As for whether or not Tanjiro should get a sword for his exam, I don't really see not given the examiners would probably be wondering how a kid is gonna damage a robot with a sword. Though, you could up Tanjiro's badass points in people's eyes by having him rip a narrow enough piece of metal off of an already destroyed robot, and then dicing them up with that or take a pole found in the city and use that.

Also reader questions. Does Tanjiro still have the mark or does he have to regain it? Also will he be getting a Nichirin Sword? Also, will you have the Breath Style effects be present in the story? It'd be interesting to see in the story, if only under certain conditions (x is on the receiving end, x is about to die, or it can only be done with a Nichirin Sword)

It's a good read so far... only problem imo is that fact that every scenario seems so forced. There's just too much going on. You keep forcing tanjirou to take action by bringing villains after villains only for him to keep being overwhelmed but won anyway cause of his plot armor. Don't get me wrong... i like action but this fic feels so action relaint that once the action cease the whole scenario collapse and grow still. It's as if once a certain topic is vagually covered it just stop there and into next scene.

I don't know if that made sense but hopefully it does.

Wasn't Kirishima in Mina's class, too?

Cam I just say that I’m enjoying this and would actually like Tanjiro to fight another swordsmen.

Aight so, Imm not caught up yet but I feel like there’s two things I have to point out.

1) The Taisho Period, the timeframe in which Demon Slater takes place, happens in the early 20th century from 1913-1926. Which is just after the Meiji Restoration. So while Tanjiro was surprised by the train, things like electricity was slowly replacing oil lamps that they would use in big cities like Tokyo. But he is a country hick so there was probably many things he didn’t get to see.

2) Japanese schooling goes 1-6 for primary school (elementary), 7-9 for secondary (middle), and then 10-12 for high school.

This may sound obvious but plenty of authors on here forget that their home country norms and the anime norms (Japanese norms) are different. Jus please do keep that in mind. Otherwise I am enjoying this fic thus far.

some other fic made the additional rules that any participants that want to use object that enhance or essential to their quirck to register it first to exam committee before the day of exam or something similar

Good Work...! 8

ENTRANCE EXAM ENTRANCE EXAM! SO EXCITED I REALLY WANNA SEE HOW HE INTERACTS WITH MORE OF BNH ORIGINAL CAST

You can use support items but you have to request them before hand. Aoyama had his focus for navel laser, but that’s something that’s basically required for him.

Tanjiro could say he needs the sword for his elemental effects though.

Super excited for UA arc! keep it up :)