There is nothing "bad-ass" about the way you write, that is for sure.

sooo fanfics are supposed to be *insert technical term for written story here* ... this is not one of those ... you may as well replace this with a list of highlights of the story and finish it in 100 words or less, that would be just as intresting as this ...

Shitty

Would be so much better if not written in script for mat. As it is its unreadable.

All this references to camera angles and cuts was ruining no it for me.
But these multiple references to the real world and them knowing they are on a show is worse!

I am not happy you repeated the big plot armour mistakes of this episode.
When Bron aimed that ballista at Drogon, one of them had to die.
When Jamie lance charged at Daenerys and Drogon, one of the three needed to die.

Why did you write this like a script? Nobody wants to read that.

Wow what a horrible form of writing! The complete lack of effort is just sickening!

This has become nonsense.

Honestly, the bits with Jon and the Red Witch were ridiculous, just so you could put some smut in the story.

Why not go with his original plan in going through the sewers? Why go around begging for men?

I like the idea, but the style puts me off. Feels less a story and more a script. which if that's the point then cool. But if it's not, then its something to work on.

Oh, and one more thing. If he's in a death situation, he needs to die! Too many last minute rescues and miraculous savings are annoying. In the last four seasons he should have died like six times! Other characters have died for less...

I think the main problem with resurrected Jon was NOT that he was honorable, but that his death experience actually stripped him OFF any honor and brains he may have had. Absolutely everything he did after coming back from the dead was dishonorable and extremely stupid. Many characters had made mistakes before (Robb, Ned, Catelyn, etc) but there was always mitigating circumstances (lack of information or having incorrect information) or their actions simply became mistakes in hindsight after other things happened but were not really erroneous actions. In the case of post death Jon, all of his mistakes are caused by his lack of brains and honor! His arrogance was his downfall and eventually caused the deaths of millions and the destruction of Westeros. And with every fuck up, instead of being called out on his shit, he was cheered, celebrated and rewarded! People who had no reason to trust him (or even reasons not to like Jon) just bent over backwards for him and risked everything and trusted him blindly for no reason whatsoever.
That was Jon's main problem. He became a massive jerk whose stupidity cause nothing but trouble, but he was never held responsible. His plot armor and having all the rules bent in his favour by the writers is what destroyed him as a likable character.

In order to fix post death Jon, you need to remove the plot armor, give other characters valid reasons to both follow him and/or mistrust him. He needs more honor, more brains and less arrogance. He needs to be held accountable for his mistakes and only cheered for his good deeds... Piece of cake!

I don't like that he gave in and fucked Melisandre. What little good she does did not outweigh the bad. Allowing her to live was one thing. I actually admired Jon's restraint in resisting the old hag. Also, no matter how much he has changed wanting justice or revenge, deliberately stating he wants a bastard seems like too much of a change for Jon.