Fg

2

Can you please update now?

Still an interesting idea.

At one point Cameron fliched visibly, when Bob told her he is a machine (that she has to know at that point even if he didn"t tell her).
Later he surprisingly was a father figure to her in the future.

You have to be much more carefully in what you write
Sometimes it's illogical, confusing or just wrong.
That above was just one example for messing things up.

The story is still black and white. Mostly just talks.
No explaining of the scenery.
You schould also make clearer when changing locations Sometimes they are here, next sentence they are there.

Nice Idea but some of this doesn't makes any sense.
F.e. After talking to Cameron, in the car, Bob told John that Cameron is a machine.
Or not?
If there are thought's you have to seperate them carefully from spoken words or you will confuse your readers.
Still just Talks and maybe? thoughts.

Well...
The idea is interesting.
Not very logical so far.
And please, there's more to a story than just talks and thoughts.
You are racing through this like you have no time and you are jumping from scene to scene like there's no time , like they are teleporting through time.
Slow down. Tell the reader where they are, how it looks there and how they look.

Can you please update now?

Alright. I’m liking this. Did you post it in the normal TSCC section too? I think other people will enjoy this