The Little Mermaid: Vanessa Goes Sexy, huh? Lol. I had a lot of fun reading this, its kind of unusual for sure. I see what your one reveiwer is saying the first chapters are following the movie a lot but also kind of doing their own thing and the wedding chapter doesn't really go anywhere new. But like your other reveiwer says, Vanessa's naked, sexy wedding is a riot of laugh out loud moments and she gets lots of embarrassing details there. My favorite is her getting turned on by being dominated in this... unusual x) way, lol. I think maybe it would've been nice or steamier if she had been at least a LITTLE into Eric, liking him for being hunky, like she was cuddling on him or even dry humping on him before getting her assets shown off to the entire boat, but she still takes the cake lmao ;). Cleaning up after that must be an absolute nightmare, icing pubes sound like the WORST

I'm not gonna hold off on reviewing the grand finale here (one funny thing about the chapter title, that works quite well, is that you close off with Ariel's brief, and not a disaster wedding, so it covers both ends of the chapter). I think I'm also going to review the second half of the chapter, after Ursula takes over again, both because my thoughts there are briefer, and because the first half of the chapter leading to Vanessa's wedding "finale" (heh) is the half that's centered firmly on the sexual themes of this story.

My main thought about the final battle is that it works as a solid retelling of the movie conclusion, but you work in some nice details of your own. For once, the "so long loverboy" has a MUCH more aggressive edge to it, and while you don't play that up much here, given their explicit history that we've shared, you don't actually need to. In a similar vein, some of my favorite touches are the brief mentions of Eric's previous relationship with Vanessa. I love the thing about his lack of a "romantic stupor" this time, it's one of the only hints that, in retrospect maybe, Ursula would have kept him around. At the very least that she resents it not working out. The voice of course makes its cracks at Eric in that direction. And even though it's a sentence long, the thing about Eric in the rowboat and Grimsby made me chuckle. Like, sure Grim wants to know what Eric's doing, but I can't help but wonder what the hell he's going to be saying, or thinking, about the bride he personally okayed for Eric, and was impressed by, literally and figuratively being naked in public in front of him a few minutes ago.

Anyway, Ursula's backstory, makes the brief standoff between her and Triton a bit more in your face and impactful, I think, and the way Ursula squabbles with the voice for credit (especially after Ursula, as Vanessa, sort of singlehandedly crashed their last plan by insisting on being her vixen-ish self the whole time. Like, losing Ariel's voice aside, I can't help but suspect that she could still have recovered publicly from the wedding disaster if it wasn't for the no panties thing). And the passage about her feelings about Flotsam and Jetsam's death gives her a nice touch of softness. Especially after she uses the word "sweet" to describe them. It's a bit on the nose, but that paragraph hits home. But in general what I like about this showdown is the way you don't lose track of anyone's movements in the scuffle (you track Ursula, Ariel and Eric whenever necessary) and some nice pieces of your trademark imagery. I like the voice's metaphor of Ariel as a "ragdoll" (one of the only lines that implies that Ursula might be pissed at Ariel for what happened to Vanessa), and the sea imagery once Ursula starts the storm. Her sudden death is really well described too. Closing with the happy ending, well, what can I say, in this version it feels like at least some of Eric's confidence to touch Ariel (spinning her) and kiss her comes just as much from the experience Vanessa gave him as it does from their happy reunion. He's definitely not so timid with women by now.

Buuut, shifting back to the dawn of the third day and Vanessa's wedding... There's a lot of fantastic content here, and I'm only afraid I'll forget to mention something, but here goes. In general, this segment of the review might sound a little more critical than usual, and it's not, it's just that in certain places I noticed various things where a little more detail might have fleshed out other aspects of the story. But, of course, some of that is also down to your way of putting things that is sometimes more suggestive than specific.

The first couple of paragraphs with the wedding announcement scene is great to see. The only potential misstep there is Grimsby not calling her lovely, given her whole shtick. But I really like the way the emphasize her being in Eric's space the whole time. Like she's just draped against him and will not stop touching him. It's less obviously sexual here, but we as readers know that it's as much about that for Vanessa as it is about showing Grimsby some, apparently, innocent affection for Eric. And I really like the slight shift on Eric's hypnosis - instead of seeming cold or robotic, he's just in a sort of pleasure induced haze. That also sort of gets at how it seemed like sex was part of the hypnotic magic in the last chapter - maybe that Vanessa is touching Eric so much also because being physically all over him maintains some of her control, as much as the other reasons. Then there's the nice innovation of doing the WHOLE scene from Vanessa's point of view, when it's almost always written from Ariel's. One cool thing this does is that it makes it totally accidental that Vanessa sees Ariel - the scene often reads like she always knew Ariel was going to be there and was watching for it. And her smug little chuckle, although it's always sadistic, here comes across as arguably Vanessa's bitchiest moment (helped by the voice's sneering take). Especially the line about holding the necklace, here feels much more like gloating. It's as though she's suddenly enjoying touching Eric even MORE specifically because she's made a situation where Ariel can't do that.

Then there's the briefer singing on the ship. Scuttle's couple of side notes are fine (running into the ship is great as always). Saying that the voice just seemed familiar to him feels a little bit like a missed opportunity. While the movie left it a bit ambiguous as whether what caught his attention was the voice itself, or the word "bride," you've gone with the conventional interpretation here. But as the voice itself noted in the last chapter, the intermix between Ariel's voice and Ursula's, is unique. So while describing it as "familiar" to Scuttle gets the job done, it almost feels like him not quite being sure because it sounds like Ariel but different, sexier, him being puzzled about THAT would be more interesting. This ties into the second thing that feels a bit like a missed opportunity here (although in this case, it may be your deliberately less than explicit style). I've always noticed in the movie when Vanessa climbs up onto the vanity she hikes her skirt HIGH up, like almost to her hips. And in this version of the story, where Vanessa's sexuality is explicit, it's not so much that I'd expect her to check herself out in the mirror, but since Scuttle CAN see the mirror from the porthole, he'd definitely see her not wearing panties. And that feels almost like he might even come up with the idea to, if not make the whole wedding crashing sexual (he can hardly know in advance that she's gonna get turned on by what happens), then at least to go with the skirt divebombing to literally and figuratively expose who she is. He may not know a lot about a lot of other things, but he has a good enough grasp of human behavior to know that Ariel's got to be dressed, so I sort of feel like he'd know, and be shocked by, the difference between "slutty" behavior and acceptable behavior. Then again, I guess being explicit about that in this scene would take a little bit of the surprise of the wedding flashing away. Finally, while you get the nice details of the bobby pin (which once again is a nice callback to Vanessa's vanity about her hair) and her crushing the bottle which are nice touches, it does seem a little bit of a shame to not get any of her dancing around. Since she's just wearing her slip in this scene (or, I guess petticoat in your more accurate setting), that would be another way for Scuttle to get flustered about her sexuality being on display and a nice way for Vanessa to sort of gloat over the fact that she's got a great body. It also suddenly occurred to me, typing this, that since Scuttle does get to have his own reactions, this would have been the rare and perfect opportunity to give a more detailed description of Vanessa, since the rest of time it's her perspective. That, or I guess the other time would have been Eric meeting her on the beach in the last chapter. Anyway, I do really like Scuttle, and the thing about the voice being surprised to see her real reflection is nice too. I always wondered how she felt about that.

Then, of course, you start the wedding. And there's A LOT, here, and almost all of it is note for note perfect. Literally the only possible criticism of this climax would be moments here or there where other details could be added - but here, there's not a feeling that anything is missing.

To begin with, the wedding march itself is handled marvelously with Vanessa's excitement at winning, her excitement at the attention, and even her excitement in herself blurring together. Crucially you mirror this by having the voice in a very good mood for once. And as a brief general point, the voice's commentary is fantastic throughout this scene, the way it can't help being entertained by the absurd upstaging that comes along. But staying with the wedding march for a moment - the description of the dress, which is, I believe, the fullest description of any of Vanessa's outfits is fantastic. I really like the point being hammered home that it's like everyone's ideal of a princess gown. And I really like the way you highlight the point that, as all eyes are on her, she can feel the lust of it, including even some envy from the wives. One thing you sort of imply here, without saying it of course, is that the men are all staring at breasts or possibly her hips as she takes a chance to get away with possibly some exaggerated swaying again, or perhaps being a bit bouncy. Of course, being Vanessa, (and knowing the movie) I assume it's another one of her signature tight dresses, but interestingly you don't bring that up here. I like the conflation between the sexuality aspect of desire, and Vanessa's own ego reveling in a kind of goddess worship that is of course sexual, but goes a bit further than that. And the way Max growls at her and she kicks him is great, because you make it explicit here just how much contempt, or disgust, she has for the dog as some kind of lower life form that's beneath her. The nasty look on her face does that in the movie, to a point, but here you make it somewhat visceral. And the detail of almost the entire kingdom being there is fantastic precisely because of how it underscores how totally humilating this wedding will become for her in just a minute. Amusingly, it raises the possibility that one of the sailors who could recognize her might actually be there to see what happens. And even if they aren't, you just know that this story is going to go around the whole kingdom.

Then we get to the sexual slapstick, all of which is pretty fantastic. As I said before, one of my favorite innovations here is the ongoing snark of the voice. Like, on the one hand, this last minute public exposure is a total failure... but even the voice thinks it's funny. The other big innovation here is presenting the whole thing from the point of view that Vanessa is surprised to realize that the domination is, on some level, exciting to her. Like she doesn't, or hasn't, experienced being the sexually dominated one, but here, that's exactly what's happening, up to a point, and her body, and even her personality, responds in almost kinky way. I wouldn't have expected that, but it's a super interesting take that, in away, makes the whole thing slightly less of a disaster. While her first reaction is "inhuman and unladylike" (I love unladylike, both because she IS unladylike, she's not even wearing panties, and because it gives us an idea of the kind of grunting), I like the transition to "screaming" when the birds start dumping water on her. For one thing, it implies that the water is cold (after all, we already know that cold water is one thing that gets her nipples going from her bath scene with Eric, and there has to be a part of the reader that's cheering, "Take that" after the way she kept dunking Ariel in cold water at sexually charged moments), and for another thing, I sort of get a feel for where you might be going with the voice - here it's definitely not "elegant," but as she keeps screaming, it might still be sexy in the way that being shrill and bitchy can be played as "sexy" in a way because it underscores the femininity of her voice. And of course, her nipples come to attention in time to tell us that, on one level at least, she's definitely responding to the pseudo sexual attention sexually. And the all white dress becoming see through (more on that by the end of the scene) is a great little detail too, although here, in one of your only possible missing details, it seems like it might have been a chance to either picture the tightness of the dress (before OR after getting soaked) or possibly other details under the dress. Is the corset typically sexy, which is to say slutty in this context, or more modest in terms of how it's holding her breasts, though I guess visible nipples maybe does answer that question). Then of course there's the starfish. It's both hilarious that this is the proximate cause of her getting "turned on" and appropriate in keeping the focus on Vanessa's sexuality primarily on her boobs, that those being grabbed is what would excite her the most. To be fair, having your boobs handled does tend to be pretty sexual. And I love the way you phrase it with "starfish jump all over her breasts and upper torso." I imagine you just meant to include the breasts specifically with upper torso, but the all over almost makes it sound like it's taking multiple starfish to cover her breasts which is a pretty funny detail. And then, on the domination theme, the "all eyes" bit is great. She is so vain. Moving on, in this context the "get away from me you slimy little" doesn't just sound bitchy, it sounds almost like she's going to say something vulgar or "unladylike" which is a nice touch. And I love it that what bothers her as disgusting is the starfish on her mouth. Not that it isn't, but like, it doesn't bother her in quite the same way that starfish are literally on her hard nipples? It's funny. Then the seals bouncing her around being like spanking adds to the idea that her screaming may still be coming across as "sexy" if only because of her increasing excitement. It's also the closest that you come to hinting at the idea that she's just bouncing around in general, both breasts and butt, but that image definitely comes across loud and clear. The cake has a couple of your best descriptive words in the whole scene between "plop" and "luscious" (I love that description of her legs). And oof. Icing everywhere, even up her skirt, and landing on it "backside" first, it's like the intensity suddenly notches up right there. That said, it's another moment of arguably a tiny lost detail that you don't show her either as pissed off as she gets out of the cake, or touch on dolphins either cleaning her off, or the water having more of an effect (like, I get she's already see-through, but that's a lot of water, maybe the coldness thing). I LOVE the voice egging her on to attack Scuttle (it's interesting to me suddenly to notice that she didn't notice him as one of the birds flashing her through her skirt earlier, but here she does). It's one of the main details that refocuses the fact that, however much she might be a bit turned on, this is not going according to plan, and, in typical Vanessa fashion, she's vicious about it and about to throw a temper tantrum. Finally Max bites her butt, and while here it does feel like you could have added something to ratchet it up to 11 (maybe a brief note on how it's a very sensitive area, maybe just something about her biggest scream yet, I'm not sure), the necklace is gone, and the scene quickly starts wrapping up. But you stay with Vanessa as a mess (a hot mess really) for a moment to sum up all the chaos. The messy hair, the totally RUINED dress, you even noting that what with the dress being torn, her breasts are more literally naked than just see through. One funny thing about it is that when Vanessa hears her regular voice and is shocked enough to react to that (I guess she got used to thinking it sounded sexy too, which suited her perfectly), she doesn't make the slightest effort to cover herself up otherwise. Maybe her general nonchalance about being naked is part of that, or maybe she just figures that since everyone's seen everything anyway, there's no point and she just forgets about it, but it's still funny. And finally, one thing about being in a see through wet white wedding dress, AND not wearing panties... one image you don't resolve for us is whether or not Vanessa's shaved. In this setting I somehow don't think so, and there's some imagery you could have pulled off with that, but then that might be tilting too far into the direction of explicit imagery that you steer away from here. "See through" gets the overall point across either way. And of course, as in the film, Eric totally ignores her which is funny.

On the whole, what else is there to say? Despite a few areas in this chapter where I could have eagerly wolfed down another detail or two, this has been a fantastic examination of Ursula and Vanessa as a sexual, dynamic duo.

It's long past time I got around to leaving a review for what is yet another fantastic chapter.

Most of this chapter is original, with just the first couple of paragraphs summarizing scenes from the movie, so I want to touch on the way that I really love, whenever you do scenes with the original script, how even though you keep it word for word, you add in all the little details and/or dialogue that keep us firmly in the tone of this version of the movie. In that vein the "too pretty not to kiss" line is fantastic. On a side note, I've always found it kind of hilarious that Ursula calls Ariel a "little tramp," RIGHT before she turns into Vanessa for the purpose of... seducing Eric. The slut shaming there is so incredibly hypocritical, you just can't not love it. And I love the way Ursula's more on the edge of her seat in this scene. Having the voice along for the ride definitely makes her feel less in control and more like she's improvising. It's a fascinating shift in tone.

For the longer beach scene, my two favorite things are the physical details and the interplay between Vanessa and the voice. In general, the voice is a great commentator, adding a blow-by-blow reaction to draw reader attention to whatever details you want us to be focused on. And Vanessa makes a great target, both of the mockery, but sometimes encouragement, or, even more rarely, thoughtful suggestions. It's a really interesting take, the way they're almost friends. And again, it's interesting that it's almost always the voice that emphasizes Eric's attractiveness as a sex object. As for the physical details I really love the way that here, much more so than in Vanessa's earlier appearance, you stress her vanity - paying attention to her dress so it won't get wet, touching up her hair, her confident demeanor of thinking that she's so alluring (both sexy AND beautiful) that she can get the pants off of any man. Also I gotta give you props for mentioning the intermix between the voices - people so rarely do anything with that, but the way Vanessa makes Ariel's voice her own by using it differently (and here, I kind of get the impression, from your description of "sexy but elegant," that she's got it maybe just slightly lower than Ariel would, but still on that squeaky, girlish end of the spectrum to emphasize her femininity, but with a kind of cool confidence at the same time). Anyway that whole thing about how Vanessa's voice is both Ariel's AND, uniquely, Vanessa's own is so rarely touched on, so I loved the shout out to it. During that bit, too, I liked the way you circled back to her typical Vanessa adventures when she worries about running into a sailor or two who might recognize her, and blow her cover. It's a small detail, but it gets to the heart of this sort of double life she's trying on here. And of course, the little crack about humans being sensitive, and what that means about sex is a nice detail. I love how you never lose the point that Vanessa makes herself into a sex object as much as any guy that she seduces.

This brings us to the Eric beach meeting and hypnosis. To start with, I like the way you briefly switch to Eric's point of view, and, and most importantly, I'm REALLY into the way the hypnosis is handled more subtly here than just sending Eric into full on robot mode. In a story of this kind it's hard to see why you'd do anything else than you have, but it lends the seduction a wonderfully queasy feeling as Vanessa "innocently" becomes predatory. This is borne out by drawing out the scene - the way she acts overtly like an innocent young girl, but makes each and every move every chance she gets. And, it's a small and accurate point, the way you put flesh, as it were, on Ursula's own advice to Ariel about body language - the fact that you show that explicitly what she meant by that IS the pretty face and batting eyelashes, yes, but more than that literally finding opportunities to touch him with her boobs is fantastic. It's prevalent throughout the rest of the chapter, but in general, I think the casual way the emphasis, after she decides to seduce Eric as Vanessa, shifts to her breasts (a dress that highlights them, actively touching Eric with them while acting like she's not trying to do that, but really is, etc.) does something wonderful for her whole philosophy of body language, seduction and even dominating men, touching them how you want and when you want to. It's almost like that meme of Ursula and Ariel where instead of "You'll have your looks," she says, "BOOBS." That's really what Vanessa means, and, it's an interesting way to emphasize, without coming out and saying it directly, that Vanessa thinks her breasts are one of her best assets. In general, throughout this chapter, you find a lot of opportunities to do similar things, finding mundane ways to describe her body language that implies a seductive or sexual image without actually putting it that way. Probably one of the best other examples of this (on the beach at least) is her "slowly walked to him managing to stumble" precisely because it captures the tension between her surface sweet demureness and her sexual confidence. I definitely pictured it as a walk where the slowness is about exaggerating the sway in her hips so that she's sure Eric sees it - all at once calling his attention to the petite waist, the rounded hips, and getting him to think about what's between her legs - and you conjure this without explicitly saying ANY of it. As a side note, it's fantastic how the voice keeps the emphasis squarely on how muscular and athletic Eric is, how desirable he is to a woman on a strictly shallow level, while even Vanessa is far from unimpressed by his body. It's another reversal, the way his body is described in more detail than hers (when it's almost always the women who get the softcore pornographic descriptions). Of course, since the scene is from Vanessa's perspective, that also makes sense. On a plot level, I have to admit I didn't see Eric fainting coming (I get the feeling that that's about the hypnosis getting stronger), but it's an easy way to transition to the seduction scene and gives Vanessa a chance to act innocent in front of Grimsby.

Which brings me to the sex scene. There are a lot of things that you do here, several of which were a bit unpredictable to me. In general, the way Eric is SO timid throughout the scene is what really sells the uncomfortable, predatory, but undeniably sexy atmosphere that evoke, by contrasting it with Vanessa's methodical seduction. And you really bring her act as an almost literal sex kitten to the fore here, what the nuzzling closer and closer to him, the purring, the crawling, the breathlessness, and then the transformation into confident scolding. She's totally in control of the situation and Eric doesn't know how to feel about it, other than the fact that he knows he WANTS her. Even her literal sex moves, touching him either casually or ruthlessly carry the same message. And the fact that it winds up with Eric begging her for (my interpretation) a more "romantic" first time when she's already literally given him his first time... whew. The dynamic is so twisted, but compelling. And the uncomfortable conversation between them in a BATH is a masterpiece of getting their clothes off in a realistic way. As a side note, keeping with the theme of Vanessa's breasts being the focal point of her seduction, I generally love the way you've tracked the state of her nipples as sign of her own arousal through the whole fic. It's a great, concrete detail, (the cool water being partly responsible here is also a hilarious piece of foreshadowing), but one that keeps in with your style of being a bit less sexually explicit than going between her legs for dampness. I also feel like it works because it tracks with Eric in this scene, he gets hard, he's turned on, she gets hard, she gets turned on. Until I reread this for my review, I feel like I had missed the detail about her getting into the bath and then standing up to take off her dress - literally strutting her stuff by being totally relaxed about showing him her naked body. That, and in general the way she keeps mocking him and threatening to leave are great details. And when you get to the sex itself, the way you describe, again without being quite crude about it, her just humping him at her own pace for her own gratification as though he's a piece of meat is brilliant. We don't need any more information than that to get the picture when she "continued to dominate him." He's literally just an object to pleasure her vagina.

That being said, it was interesting to me how totally disinterested she was in the voice's suggestion of keeping him around as a permanent object. Obviously her real goal all along is to become queen of the sea, but with how intensely sexual Vanessa is, to the point that she regularly hooks up with sailors for the high of dominating a man, it sort of seems like she would be more invested in maybe finding someone or other to keep around, especially since she herself thinks Eric's got a hot body. On that note, the brief memory of her own first time and how she's had to learn the moves of sex was an interesting, and authentic detail. Still, the explanation about hypnosis being exhausting is a good one for that. In general, I love the way you handle the hypnosis here with a more lucid Eric, making his own choices, to a point. In general I get the impression that it's the combination of the magic AND the sex that gets to him. One tension you don't explore is the fact that Eric has to realize that despite the way she acted at first, there is absolutely NOTHING innocent about Vanessa... but then, I guess that's where the magic comes in. It's almost as though she doesn't really have complete control of him until she has sex with him, that the physical act of sex is the final stage of the hypnosis. Anyway,I also love the crack the voice makes about naked women singing, both because it's one of the funnier sarcastic asides in its own right, but also coming right after she starts lacing up the bodice - it's another implication that Vanessa thinks her boobs are just that amazing which is so vain, perhaps true, and funny. And you end on a great note with her eager for the wedding, both because she's naturally impatient and because that's been the whole point. Great and impactful chapter, and one of the best Eric/Vanessa sex scenes I've encountered (not that there are all that many of them).

This was shaping up to be one of my favorite stories in quite a while. Everything up to chapter 5 was REALLY good. Both sexy and captivating it had a ton of good elements. It’s very sad that the final chapter essentially just retold the movie and omitted an original narrative. I had thought Vanessa would get with Eric again or she has a three some with Ariel and Eric. There was a ton of potential to not go the movie route. I’m really hoping you change this and make it something truly epic.

Wow.

Wow, really could be my one word reaction to this chapter, but it deserves me. Congratulations. Despite the fact that there are a couple of minor alterations I might make (my main feeling is that the first verse of "Poor Unfortunate Souls" might have benefited from a little more physical description of Ursula's dancing/magic, though that's not strictly necessary. Similarly, here or there I might have wanted to add a visual detail or two, but that's not an objective criticism given what you've given us here).

This is, hands down, the best depiction of "Poor Unfortunate Souls," I've ever read, mostly because you, not overemphasize it, but take the sexual subtext and place it front and center, mostly through Ursula's internal monologue/dialogue (more on how you blend that in a minute) and place it beyond doubt - Sex IS the point. For Ursula at least. And I know that's kind of the whole premise of this fic, in a way, but the way you handle it here is really shiver worthy. There's something delightfully queasy about Ursula's exploitave and selfish projection AND performance of sexuality. In that sense, the only possible misstep along those lines might be your description of her "rocking her whole body seductively." It gets the image and the point across, but in one sense, after her earlier shimmying especially, it almost feels like a pulled punch that she/the voice wouldn't think of that as deliberately shaking her butt or ass or whatever word she/the voice would use. Especially since there's an emphasis on the fact that she's deliberately emphasizing herself as a sexual object in Ariel's face as part of the power play, it sort of seems like she, or the voice, would be reveling in rubbing Ariel's nose in that in the same way.

Finally, as a side note on sex as a theme, in this chapter, a couple of things stand out. One is that, while this fic isn't particularly about the mechanics of how sex works for actual merpeople beneath the sea, Ursula's experiences moonlighting as Vanessa gives her an accurate view of what the transition to human sex is - presumably Ariel doesn't have that. Maybe it's just part of the fact that Ursula isn't taking Ariel seriously at this point (and to be fair, why would she? Ariel hasn't yet proven to be "better than she thought."), but it almost feels like Ursula's performance as a sexually liberated woman is partly about the idea that she's setting Ariel up for MECHANICAL failure. Yeah, Ariel would know how to kiss a guy, maybe, but even if she ever got close, how would Ariel ever get him into bed or know what to DO at that point? I'm probably overspeculating on that end, but I don't know, it just sort of stood out to me, differently from Ursula's other advice. And a note on that: the traditional reading of this scene is that Ursula gives Ariel bad faith advice about body language and being demure and quiet, but... here, she really isn't. She just knows that without the voice, Ariel doesn't even have a chance of pulling that off in the same way that URSULA could. It's a really interesting reversal. And then, on the mundane level, there's the fact that Ariel, transforming, into a nude human, is neither here nor there for Ursula. Perhaps it's just because she's used to transforming herself. Although, one thing that did occur to me... it CANNOT be fun to suddenly have human genitals in icy cold salt water. Especially for the first time. I'd have to recheck the previous chapter, but didn't Ursula get herself more or less onto dry land before transforming to Vanessa? It's a really small detail, but it's interesting and a little amusing that she has no compunctions about dunking or otherwise splashing Ariel's sensitive bits in particularly uncomfortable water, but is scrupulous to not do the same thing to herself.

Now, in plot terms, the two really interesting things in this scene are the interplay between Ursula and the voice and the degree to which her whole plan still seems to be developing on the fly. Like, she knows how she wants to use Ariel, but aside from that, everything is a fast sell. And she's not anticipating much trouble ahead. I do like the way she immediately deputizes Flotsam and Jetsam, because it shows some precationary sense, and, of course, as a matter of moving the plot forward, it allows you to jump forward pretty immediately, perhaps with just one of your excellent brief summaries of events, but it allows Ursula to roll into the next phase without wasting a lot of time. As for the interplay between Ursula and the voice, one thing I like about that is the way that, although the two characters are distinct from one another, they seamlessly feel ALMOST like one point of view. And it's interesting too, I hadn't thought about this deeply, but after her first chapter of backstory, I was really struck by how the voice, more than Ursula herself consciously, makes everything sexual. Like, even when she was young, Ursula liked the VISUAL side of pampering herself and looking pretty, but the voice was the first one to explicitly link that to body language - and it keeps up a steady drumbeat of that here, emphasizing her cosmetics, her "horizontal" body language, the sort of jokey sort of celebratory shout out about shimmying, etc. It's an interesting angle, because it almost comes across that Ursula, left to her own devices, wouldn't necessarily choose to emphasize sex per se, even if she was just as vain as she is. I also really like the way you show that Ursula is reacting in real time to the voice - it's as though she's almost on the verge of losing control and oblivious to it. And, of course, in terms of plot, it's both interesting and incredibly important that the VOICE is the one that keeps calling Eric "hot" or "sexy" or "hunky" and deliberately plants the idea in Ursula's mind of a sexual liaison with him herself. It's just a slightly different emphasis on the situation, and that kind of originality keeps the details of the story a little unpredictable which is cool.

So, a handful of other scattered observations, I hadn't thought about it before, but it struck me that the one mention of the seashell necklace is the first one in the story. In the movie, of course, the shell necklace seems like a really big deal because of all the prominent visuals it gets, especially when Vanessa's wearing it, but here... besides Ursula's general vanity making it make sense that she'd accessorize, it almost comes off as incidental. That's an interesting take, that Ursula herself may not focus on it that much (presumably, as Vanessa, she would a little more, but from Vanessa's point of view, what really is her superpower, the enchanted necklace or her ability to take off her clothes?). There's also Ariel's voice itself, which, although the hidden voice (or was it Ursula?) notes that it's nice, seems to be of almost no independent interest to Ursula. It also raised an interesting thought to me - we know from the movie the whole thing of being Vanessa with Ariel's voice (and in general it is absolutely EERIE the way that having the voice is what makes her a Disney Princess - a young, lovely, innocent voice that she can somehow make sound NOT innocent), but does that mean before now, Vanessa's voice is just Ursula's low husky one? I hadn't been thinking about that either.

Anyway... to cap off, this is an INCREDIBLE followup. Doing "Poor Unfortunate Souls," from Ursula's point of view with the emphasis on she's selling sex (from her lipstick to her lips, to her breasts, her butt, her figure, her seductive expressions, her insights about the "shy girl" thing and everything else) is fantastic. The best part of it is that you've preserved the uneasiness of the scene in the best way; "Poor Unfortunate Souls" itself isn't sexy, if anything it's alarming. But Ursula is.

Now this, though relatively brief, is absolutely splendid, and teeming with interesting possibilities and information moving forward. And Vanessa's first true appearance! But more on that in a minute...

To begin with, I really like the way you do the opening scene of Ursula's original, iconic, performance. It can be tricky with these scenes to skip over them too quickly, or to draw out all the details. You do a pretty good job of sticking to the key visual descriptions without lingering too much (it's not as though there's a lot of psychological or dramatic stakes in this introduction). Actually, my favorite detail might be the clarification that she knows who Sebastian is. It might not have been conscious on your part, but it's an interesting pairing with the fact from the first chapter that she doesn't know who Scuttle is - it's an authentic, an potentially ironic, touch.

And we see her moonlighting as Vanessa. There are tons of interesting little details here. Admittedly, the description of her as Vanessa is pretty brief in all of the snapshots here, but I imagine that her "appearance" both literally, and symbolically, is more important a bit later in the story anyway. This just establishes her routines as Vanessa, and there's more than enough here to be interesting. The most obvious thing is just her behavior, the way she "exudes" sex. It's interesting because, that introduces a sort of tension that I assume later will be more important. When she tries to get by as "Princess" Vanessa, presumably she has to balance that line with coming across as sexy without seeming like she's trying to be - i.e. avoiding being tagged as slutty. But in her routine day to day life as Vanessa, she overtly uses her sexuality to manipulate her way into what she wants.

In some ways, the most interesting part of this is her conversation with Victor, not just because it's our first glimpse of her being flirty for the sake of what she's interested in (her line about body language and small talk is to die for, by the way, because... yes, but as she'll discover, also no), but because it means that she's familiar to at least some of the common people already. That introduces an interesting tension; when she seduces Eric, how can she control for her cover not being blown by people who already know Vanessa? Of course, I guess there wouldn't necessarily be any overlap between royalty and the commoners, but it's still interesting.

The follow up scene in the bar isn't as important for the plot, outside of the information that she and the voice are still, not completely, following the same goals all the time - the fact that she wants a little alone time from scheming is a nice touch on her character. And her character, in general, is what I think the follow up passages, and especially sex with the sailor, are about. Aside from the amusing, and accurate, trope of a woman out on the town who knows what she wants and how to get it (while half of the men, by contrast, drink too much to even try to compete) it gives us some good insight into the idea that for Vanessa, sex is mostly about power and enjoying herself. There's not a strong emotional component to it. Her matter of fact acknowledgement of wearing nothing under the petticoat (and oh, if that habit isn't coming back to bite her), the sheer nonchalance of it is almost chilling in context. One gets the sense that Vanessa, she enjoys the sex for it's own sake, so long as she stays in control of it - and she enjoys presenting herself and behaving, almost, like a sex kitten, on her terms. This is borne out as much by the clinical note of her "acquiring dominance" as by the fact that the only physical description of sensual detail is her "hardening nipples." It shows that physically, she's eager for the conquest and the conquest alone while remaining tastefully vague as to why Vanessa is so physically alluring, besides her frankly sexual attitude. To my mind, it suggests something interesting in the fact that trying to manipulate Ariel means she'll be competing against a completely different idea of what sex is about - and the fact that the two women go to bat, ultimately for the same man, adds something to that tension.

In general this is a fantastic look at the way Vanessa understands herself and operates, and it brings some interesting detail to her understanding of herself as an apparent sexual object on the surface, just waiting to enjoy herself as a sexual subject, given the opportunity. And to cap everything off, you end on an ominous note. Vanessa/Ursula is in control of the chance to manipulate Ariel, or so she thinks...

Well, this is a solid and involved backstory for Ursula that fits in some gaps, and, most promisingly of all, fits in lots of little pieces of what we actually see of her in the movie. On the most basic level, it gets the job done of linking Ursula up with Triton as his sister and giving emotionally plausible reasons for how she came to be banished, what her life was like beforehand, and, in a particularly nice little touch, we learn exactly how she came by the nickname of "Sea Witch" (besides having magic).

A lot of what I like here are the little touches, though. This origin story for Flotsam and Jetsam is original, and gives them a little bit more individual personality. I can't pretend to know what you have in mind with the mysterious orb/voice of black magic, but it's an intriguing element to add to the puzzle. And you do a good job checking off the main details of the plot of the movies, dispatching with Triton and Athena especially. I'm a big fan of the final paragraph too, summarizing a number of years, introducing "Vanessa" as a repeated persona of Ursula's (that opens some really interesting possibilities), and the way you introduce the mythology aspect. Some stories she spreads, others sailors get on there own from other sources, and the way sexuality pervasively becomes a part of the legend with the emphasis on the "almost" naked mermaids. I like the way you quickly gloss over Ariel's upcoming story, and the shout out to Scuttle is particularly cool given the fact that he, more than anyone else really, changes VANESSA'S story, little does she know...

But most of the fast pace here stays with Ursula, her personality and growth and there are a number of nice touches you add. Seeing her have a bad attitude, spoiled by privilege, from childhood on up isn't exactly "new," but it's believable, especially in the younger child. And I really like the way you weave in a number of her personality traits that manifest more fully in her adult personality - the vanity, the fast mood shifts, the bitchiness, a certain sort of shallowness when it comes to beauty (either physical beauty, or even just pretty things, like her treasures). Then there are things like the voice giving her advice on "batting her eyelashes" and other things that would seem to tie into her later awareness of the "importance of body language." Even the view touches of thematic sexuality are interesting here, primarily, because I'm getting sort of the idea that while Ursula enjoys the attention that comes with being attractive, and enjoys the performance of making herself "sexy," like with the black dress, a lot of it is because of the way it flatters her vanity. Going forward in her life, I can sort of imagine a scenario where she's walking a line where sexuality for her, enjoying the flirting and the power, is only partially sexual for her, because she's still all about her own ego. It's an interesting concoction.

Altogether a solid backstory and opening to the main events of her evil scheme.