This is terrible

A highly interesting story, redeemed!Magnus? Yeah, interesting enough. Still, there is not enough doom and gloom of the 41st milenia though...

HAVE THOU RETURNED
HAS THOU COGITATOR'S MACHINE SPIRIT FIXED IT SELF
I SEE THAT THOU HAVE REMOVED THOU MESSAGE TO THEE AUDIENCE
If it is, im going to be excited like Lucius during slanneshmas.

Commissar Waffles I hope that your computer becomes functional again and that I have an idea that maybe you could write down your chapters on paper and use what you think would work best.

Looking forward to the rest of the story. Keep it up!

This story has a good idea though it may have some conflicting points. If I can overlook it, it might be a great story. Keep up the good work

Too many plotholes and a whole ton mistakes. Dont continue.

Well RWBY finally started to encounter chaos's real presence not sure about ren contributing to the grimm death as a marine would not really care about some boy grudge although I could see it done to introduce the team to chaos.

I don't think Ruby is that important here not she is not worthless but more she is a young prodigy who's most important trait is her family and their connections to Ozpin and co bug i guess Ozpin searching for them with marine help.

Wait the hell Tzeench can take on both but it would take decades to build up i'm probably misunderstanding you as you said he is in the scheming stage.

Sorry I have a few questions while I know your basing this story around ruby it's a bit finicky with numbers would you say humanity population reaches the hundreds of millions or much much less?

Was RWBY universe ''cannon'' till Salem and ozpin got involved in the great game and everything happnened or was Salem involved in chaos from the beginning.

Final question is this ''full'' Magnus or just the parts E saved? Evindense points towards the later given while he is strong he is not as strong in the past. Daemon primarch Magnus is one of the main arugments that the traitor primarchs are all dead and whatever else is not them. Magnus was broken into shards and each of them are different in goals,ambitions and power one of them tried exteriminating the 15 legion ect. Some shards have died so I don't think even Big E could put this humpty dumpty back together fully.

You clearly don't know anything about black templars. Like when you say that they that they have no know accomplishments. Even thou it was they ho conquered ghoul star system switch no one even during great crusade could do. It was they ho were first ones to battle against Abbadons first black crusade alone and almost succeeded. And you say that they hate mutants? Even thou codex say that they hold mutants like astropaths and navigators in high reverences. Your sentinels are against everything that the emperor himself has decreed. And everything you said about mechanicus is a lie, they know how to fix machines that is enginseers whole job. It was the mechanicum ho build the webway with the emperor, emperor needed mechanicums help to build it in the "master of mankind" book. Or in the "belisarius the great work" when he repairs destroyed space station from orbit or transforms a entire tyrannid eaten planet back to habitable. Sou don't spread you lies.

Mk III power armor? That was more of a specialist issue version that were never intended as a replacement for the Mk II. Being one of the on lower middle size legions the Thousand Sons were one of those who could fully equip all ther legionnaires with the new Mk IV power armor when it came. Granted smaller still means that they had between 80 - 90 000 legionnaires before the Horus humbug kicked off.

Some 62 000 was on Prospero when the wolves showed up and started to kill everything since Russ was to lazy to call dad and ask if the whole kill Magnus order he had got from Horus was real. What a idiot.

Will a bunch of highly kleptomaniac bloody ravens show up later, and super loot things before they stumble on Magnus and his followers?

I liked the chapter.

The mechanicus does not let their technology remain broken they truly don't know how to fix their technology.

Again real ironic this unknown hating the black templars given they have no known accomplishments and the templars expanded to be the closest thing to a legion not seen in the ultramarine successors or dark angels while the dust sentinels squandered their legion.

Okay man this time we need to discuss fellbreaker he just seems like a lot of plot issues. I can you wanted to make someone like Bjorn or dante a hero who fought for so long their deeds have become myth but their are serious problems with that. One no marine can last long Bjorn is put in stasis and dante is already decaying. In addiction their is one serious problem, a legion master is significantly different from a chapter in the great crusade marine were elite shock troops but not the demi gods of the battlefield or fallen angels of 40k. Losing thousands of marine a campaign was far from uncommon and so how did he transition from an army commander with hundreds of marine and most likely human elements with titan support to special operations commander who is more like a knife than a legion battering ram? It means that everything they lost and gained was under his leadership as he is the first and only commander they had in ten millennia.

Nice to see magus playing like a kid. Wait these thousands sons were daemon worshiping chaos corrupted? So Tzeech lost a lot of his toys there is no way that chaos god is going to take that lying down and not send billions of his cultists,chaos marines and daemons after him with the traitor marines hoping to gain the glory of killing magnus for daemonhood and to make their brotherhood the new favorite of their god, while the rest hope to capture him for their ever changing god.

Not to mention how the other gods will take this move in the great game they most likely will retaliate and take some chapters into their service in retaliation or send their own black crusades to kill him to deprive both the emperor and their rival chaos god of his service.

Every traitor soccer will be gunning to them for the potential blessing bestowed on them and lower cost pacts as long as it's dedicated to killing him and the sweet sweet magical knowledge of the thousand sons.

Remnant is not the best place for a massive chaos siege with the grimm chaos monsters occuping most of the planet leaving lots of uncontested landing zones and a population in the hundreds of millions at most.

If only Magnus knew The Emperor didn't want to kill him and the rest of Prospero

Your writing needs one not to be well-versed in WH40k lore as it is clear in projecting the history behind each actors on the stage. Enjoying the story so far!

Ps. Like what you did to the space marines. They remind me of the reasonable marines.