Your author bio page is in perfect English with no grammar or spelling mistakes. Its almost like someone else wrote it for you. The person who wrote that did not write this story. This story is still riddled with bad grammar, bad sentence structure, and you still keep using the wrong tense! It's distracting and really annoying when a story has so many errors - and please, don't use the "I'm not a native English speaker" excuse - get yourself a beta to go over it and correct the mistakes. Ask yourself, do you just want clicks and vacuous, meaningless reviews or do you want people to enjoy what you have written and follow your progress has a writer? Yes, it's just fan fiction, and yes, I do get to read it for free, but in the real world, lazy writing would not be tolerated. A boss wouldn't put up with it. A teacher wouldn't put up with it. A Uni lecturer wouldn't put up with it. Proper writing needs self discipline and commitment; proper writing skills will transfer into the real world and help you reach your full potential. Please don't fall into the "I don't bother to edit/fix my work so you just have to accept it" school of thought. Trust me, real life won't just "accept it" Best of luck.

This is the strangest fanfiction I have ever read. I am guessing this is a combination of being young and new to writing, and not being a native English speaker. I did laugh often. I want to present how you come off to an adult, native speaker:

"A Death Eater killed the Weasley family. They cut off their heads. They sent them to Dark Wizards in Canada near where Harry and Hermione and Dan and Emma and Sirius lived. Those Dark Wizards killed all the children in a kindergarten near where Harry and Hermione and Dan and Emma and Sirius lived. Harry and Hermione portkeyed home. The long hand was on the 5 and the short hand was, too. Dan and Emma had practices. Sirius had sold 5 books. No one was home. The Dark Wizards had made piles of heads from the Weasleys and also from the kindergarten children. They were piled on the floor in the living room. Hermione got mad. Harry looked at her. "The Dark Wizards and the Death Eaters killed the Weasleys, and many children," Hermione said. "Yes," Harry replied. "Do you think the Death Eaters guessed we were here?" "No," Hermione said. "But maybe the Dark Wizards knew we were students at Sanite." Harry decided to make lasagna. Because it took time to make, Hermione helped Harry. While they were cooking, Hermione talked about the sight that had met them. "I think it was also wrong to kill the Weasleys, including Ron, and to leave their heads in the living room." "Yes," replied Harry. Hermione suggested a vote on banning killing kindergarten children and beheading them. They decided to ask Sirius. "I bet killing kindergarten children happens more often in Britain," Harry said. The long hand was on the five again, and the short hand was on the six. "It is time to watch the news and then a good show," Hermione said. James and Lily appeared. "We did not tell Dudley this, but we replaced Vernon and Petunia with clones, and they were killed," they said. Sirius and Dan and Emma arrived. They were mad. Sirius had to try many times to vanish the heads. They were all like separate objects. Normally Dan and Emma did not want magic help to clean the house. This time, Emma said "Thank you." Harry and Hermione asked Sirius about a vote to ban killing small children then scaring families by throwing their heads into living rooms in Canada. Sirius said it was a good idea. They all had lasagna. Harry and Hermione laid down on beds next to each other. They fell asleep. It was almost nine o'clock."

Why is it that when you mention Harry looking at the clock that you use the long hand and short hands and where they are pointing? Why don't you just say what time it is? I've been noticing that system of telling time throughout this whole story so far. For example, in this chapter, you write that the short hand is pointing to eight and the long hand is pointing to four. Can't you just say what time it is?

The most boring 7 chapters I will ever have the displeasure of reading. First chapter was the only one with any personality, the rest were command line drivel.

One major problem with your story-
It would be too cold from November to April for them to sit outside. It would be snow not rain.

the storytelling is way too boring.

I really like the story and only have one major disagreement. They would never throw away the marauder's map. It is way to precious because of who made it. It is the marauder's legacy.

I have to say the premise of this story was interesting but is the premise and storytelling written by the same person? I rather doubt that personally because the storytelling is quite indicative of a non-native English speaker.

The story so far has been lackluster and the minutiae quite excessive. Additionally there are a number of story details, relating to continuity, that are missing or forgotten. For example,the minute hand was pointing to ten, and the hour hand was almost pointing towards nine." Here, the details of the watch display are both unimportant and wrong. At this point in the story Harry has a digital watch and he left the broken analogue watch at home. I really want to like this story but it will require more effort to rework it to a more engaging read.

Now that a lot of the negatives are out there, I would like to offer several tips that could drastically improve on your storytelling. Some connective words were missing, used too frequently, or should be changed altogether. This and the clunky wording can both be fixed fairly easily by saying what you've written out loud. Does it sound natural? Does it sound like other people you've heard talk?

Contractions are going to be your friend as well. Using them mostly in the spoken dialogue is important as generally people use them frequently in speech. For example, "It's been a long day." versus "It has been a long day."

Another improvement would be in the actual spoken dialogue. It's much more interesting to have a bit of back-and-forth interaction between two people, so try to avoid one word replies or it'll end up sounding more like a interrogation. Try to write a bit of banter lasting three or more replies that are full sentences. Understandably, tense situations such as a battle, will have concise interactions as usually information needs to be passed quickly, therefore word fluff can be needlessly long.

I'm sure I've forgotten to mention something, but this is getting wordy. I hope I've helped you improve as a writer. Good luck with future stories.

I’m sorry this was very boring I was really hoping it would get better but it was very monotone and just boring I’m sorry.

Oh, Thank God that the minutia of everyday school life is over. That was the hardest thing I have ever done to slog through that boring part of the story. I tried to read this before you updated it and found it so boring, that when I saw an updated story I promised myself to finish it. I must say while this started off somewhat exciting, it quickly got mired in the swamp or boredom everyday school life. I am hoping that it finishes up much more exciting as I have hung on this long. I would have liked more info on what was happening back in that 3rd world wizarding world UK.
I would like to know what happened to Remus. I don't care about the red-headed garbage disposal or his gold-digging bint of a sister, but there are others I would like to know about.

Ok so I've read the original some time ago, so i can't remember it brilliantly so i am looking forward to the reread.

However, there a few things i feel i should bring up.

One, you are using the duplication and/or cloning a little to much for example the money, every clone will have to spend money just your having it duplicated to are they stealing or using fake money?

You have some unnecessary paragraphs or convocations, for example harry getting his passport (that dues not seem too important at the time) could have been done in a line or two. There was nothing learned through that other than griphock is the goblin who did it.
Also for talk, you have things being said in a very scripted way, it feels a little forced like talking for the sake of it. An example of this is with they way everyone asks how they feel again could have been summed up just i feels very unnatural.

I feel you may want to try acting out the dialog you have written to hear and feel how it sounds.

I am not trying to degrade your work as you have and if i remember correctly had a great story idea and plot, all you need to work and is finishing off and learning a few things that come with practice, review and understanding.
No many people how hard it is to write, especially things like human speech.

One thing that helped me learn how was to read and try writings then acting out screen plays. Talking is hard is, know when it should be and how to structure, and how a talking can flow in to a rage filled rant or into silence as no words are needed as there eyes portray more than could have been said.

I will post more what i hope is taken as is meant as constructive criticism as i read on.
I look forward to reading more of your work.

There is no way they would get rid of the marauder's map. Other wise nice story

amazing story
my only comment is Harry's parents are kind of assholes. should had told him originally returning would be bad

If they still had the MMap they'd know

enjoying the story so far...that said...you seem to use the description of the hands on a clock every time someone checks the time...it is detracting from the story