Thx for the update ! Evil cliffy though haha

So first off let me tell you the things I like about your story. I like your story over all, Ichigo being a captain has always been an idea that interests spelling is good and I really like how you mentioned each squad has something it represents and made it part of ichigo's choice not a lot of people do that and I like it when I see it. I also like Ichigo taking the position of an open squad captain instead of just making a squad 14 I have never liked that idea so I was quite happy with that aspect of your story.

That being said your gramer is not all that great ( not as bad as my spelling though XD ) and can make your story a bit hard to read at times. I would recommend getting a beta reader or something similar to gramerly.

In addition you tented to state things in a manner as describing a seen that would be better describing through interaction instead or mixing bolth together, for example in chapter 5 you put

"Everyone was then dismissed as Ichigo and Tetsuzaemon left the barracks."

When I think it would have been better as

Ichigo looked out at those assembled having stated what needed to be said and dismissed them turning to Tetsuzaimon. "We should get going after all it probably would not be good to be late to the meeting." Tetsuzaimon looked at Ichigo with a smile "of course captain" as the two left the new barracks heading twords the meeting place Ichigo smiled to himself " it's going to be good to report this at the meeting"
( or something along these lines )

While this method of writing dose use more words I think it flows better and is less chunky to read. For me the way it is now feels very robotic in transition. While the person to person interaction is not bad your seen transitions feel very point A to point B. I think just being a bit more descriptive about things like place, expression, emotion, mixed with chericter interaction can enhance a story and bring out the details of how your chericters are feeling in the story. This helps the reader get more imersed in a story.

Over all again I do like the concept. The only other major thing is just personal preference that being I have been looking for something almost exactly like this but set during the winter war instead with Ichigo taking over squad 3,5, or 9 ( at least I think it was 9 ). That again is a personal complaint ( for lack of a better word ) and not one of objective opinion.

I will see where you take this I do like slice of life stuff and this seems to be what you are going for. I am definitely interested in seeing more interactions between Ichigo and his lutenit and squad in particular as well as the other captains and there lutenits. This is nice and has potential just not quite what I am looking for. Good luck with the next chapter i look forward to reading it.

Nice plot!

Excellent chapter. I really like your storyline and idea. Although, your grammar needs a bit of work. If you want, I could edit your chapters before you release them. My email is saptokdpsnewtown (a) . Imagine (a) is the "at" sign and cancel the spaces.

Next

looks good. looking forward to future updates.

it definitely looks very promising! I look forward to an update!

Looks promising, though there were a few grammatical mistakes and things that made it hard to read. Typically speaking you want to use a comma when there is a pause in speech rather than a new line every time, its a bit jarring to read.

The use of quotation marks should only include the dialogue and not the description of the person speaking. Example: "so you're joining the Gotei 13, said Uryu" should instead be "So you're joining the Gotei 13" said Uryu. Try also using words instead of said like "Uryu stated", "Uryu asked", "Uryu commented".

If you haven't already, I would recommend looking up something called Grammarly. It can be installed on the chrome browser and is extremely useful in writing, it's also free.

Look forward to seeing how the next chapter is written.

Looks to be the start of a promising story. Will you be exploring the Shiba side of the family?

I hope this isn't a one shot. I like the idea.