I truly agree that this epi had MORE potential! And you used it AMAZING (as always) Love your writinghow you put them and there relationship ️

Are there more stories in this „universe”?

Again, great job!

Another awesome Story. The Tension? touchable in this. Poor Usagi.
But at least it went well for her in the end!
I adore how you write these two

I may have forgotten to review the first time around and the second and so forth. I cannot tell you how many times I have read and re-read this story because the setting is so mystical and the heartache yet again is touching and gut-wrenching. Thank you for giving them this ending! I absolutely loved it!

The opening of this chapter hurts my soul. Usagi of all people feeling like she's unworthy and that she shouldn't be exactly who she is because she thinks Mamoru doesn't want her as she is (even though he does) is just so sad. AND HER WISHING SHE'D SAID SOMETHING IN THE HOSPITAL, WITH HIM SITTING BY HER BED WITH RED-RIMMED EYES?! Oh my poor heart. It can't take this kind of pain (yes, this is probably my twelfth reread, how is that relevant?)

And the fact that he like, instantly broke up with Rei as soon as he found out Usagi was Sailor Moon? I kind of want to shake Usagi for being SO, SO OBLIVIOUS but I also want to hug her because she's so obviously in so much pain. That she didn't figure out that she loved him (or at least couldn't speak it) until it was "too late"? Oooooh, the poor thing.

"His steady eyes shining at her as if she was his biggest regret of his life" I'm pretty sure you just pierced my soul. OF COURSE HE HAS REGRETS AND PAIN AND IS FEELING ALL OF THOSE THINGS ABOUT BEING UNWANTED SHE'S BEEN FEELING ALL STORY. HE'S TRYING TO RESPECT HER WISHES BUT HE CAN'T HELP HIMSELF.

"It hurt so much she felt like splitting apart." THEY BOTH JUST NEED HUGS. OR SEX. PROBABLY SEX. OKAY DEFINITELY SEX.

The world needs more Mamoru wearing his reading glasses. Thank you for helping fill that void.

"She didn't turn to look and see if he was looking" but I bet he was. And then she criiiiiieeeeeeesssss ugh poor Usa.

HER GLARING AT HER PILL BECAUSE "what the fuck did she need that for anyway" oh man, you just... I FEEL WHAT USAGI IS FEELING HERE. All her frustration and hurt and rage at the futility of it and the unfairness of it all and how she wants to blame Mamoru but can't and wants to hate herself for it (but hopefully has moved past it because she isn't at fault for it either).

You know, it's really interesting how the tone shifts slightly between parts. The first half runs mostly on a buildup of tension, while the back half runs on Usagi's anger at the situation (and also at Mamoru, let's be real) building. Yes, there's a certain amount of tension to that too, but it's a very different emotion and it reads very differently. Nonetheless, the two halves compliment each other incredibly and really work to highlight the themes of the narrative.

Usagi losing her appetite is unprecedented and serves to foreshadow Bad Shit about to go down. Also, awwwww Mamoru not sleeping over her.

And I TOTALLY GET Usagi being hurt (and possessed) and therefore a little bratty but I suspect Mamoru was gonna say "Maybe we should talk about this" (or something else to the effect of 'Is this not just me feeling this way?') so like, Usagi, honey, you may be getting in your own way here.

Her remembering the whole night of the Starlight Tower with nothing but regret and pain just stings. It's so raw and sad and holyfuckdamn, her waking up to Mamoru having broken into her hospital room so she wouldn't be alone and her subsequent realization that "This was not some flimsy crush...She would love this kind, amazing man until she could no longer love." Just... just... asdafjk. I DO NOT HAVE THE WORDS TO EXPRESS THE FEELINGS THIS MAKES ME FEEL. BUT THEY ARE PLENTIFUL AND IT BREAKS MY HEART EVERY TIME I READ IT.

AND MAMORU BEING SO SHIT AT BREAKING UP WITH REI THAT USAGI THINKS IT MEANS HER TOO. DAMMIT MAMORU. Poor, socially awkward boy. AND THEN USAGI GOES AND SCREAMS AT HIM AND KISSES HIM AND THEY ARE SUCH STUPID TEENAGERS (and I bet he was crying from happiness, right?) BUT THEN HE OVERHEARS HER CONVERSATION AND DOESN'T TALK TO HER ABOUT IT (because he is our socially awkward boy) and now it's been awkward for years and WHY DOES OUR POOR BABY OTP SUCK SO BADLY AT COMMUNICATION?!

"She might just be so in love it ripped her in half and hurt her to breathe." OUCH.

I love that their interactions by the lake contrast the day before. Less flirtations, less tension, and much more pretending at boredom and repressed anger.

"Because you didn't want it to." Oof. It feels like a punch to the gut every time. He's such a good man, trying so hard to respect her wishes as he understands them.

"There's nothing wrong with me, you just don't WANT me!" 1. Yes, Usagi, go off. You're an amazing person and you deserve to love yourself. 2. Oh my god, her pain. You really, really feel her pain here.

AND HE STILL SHOWED UP FOR HER, HE JUST DIDN'T TELL HER BECAUSE HE DIDN'T KNOW HOW SHE'D TAKE IT. TT_TT

AND HER ASKING TUXEDO MASK TO GIVE MAMORU BACK, OH MAN. I love that she loves MAMORU, specifically Mamoru, no superficial crushes on stunning superheroes here.

"I want you. Only ever you." Okay, legit tearing up. I love them soooooo much. And this scene is hot and frantic but still loving and tender and DID I MENTION YOUR INTIMACY WRITING KILLS ME. And when he starts crying ohhh my poor, poor heart. I love that they find peace and happiness and finally, finally get to have sex with each other. Repeatedly, I presume.

"Magical Healing Cock" always makes me snort, even if it's accurate. And you completely fucking nailed Secret Mutual Pining. I think that is in fact the trope you write best. Or maybe it's just my favorite of the tropes you write well *insert shrug emoji here*

Also, I've started opening conversations with my friends with "I found this amazing author who writes sex-positive Sailor Moon fanfiction and is even a psychologist who does sex research and incorporates it in her stories" so IT'S SAFE TO SAY I ENJOYED SMUTEMBER (this was the first year I'd ever heard of it, incidentally).

"I hope you loved reading it even half as much [as I liked writing it]" she says, as though I haven't reread this fic a dozen times at least. IT'S SO GOOD, THANK YOU FOR WRITING IT! (And I hope you had a very, very happy birthday!)

Happiest of birthdays, Flora! I figured, in honor of this day of your birth, I'd bite the bullet and try to give this fic (one of my favorites, though who am I kidding, everything you write is a precious, precious gift) the kind of gushy review it deserves (sorry it's slightly belated; I hoped to get it in under the wire your time, but it didn't quite work out o.o;)

I LOVE the contrast in Usagi and Mamoru's personalities, as evidenced by how they unpack. Mamoru is so fastidious and everything Usagi pictures is an "adult" (having a nice weekender bag vs. her "painfully pink and cutesy duffel bag," unpacking neatly and right away, remembering to bring food on the mission, eating said food daintily and silently as opposed to ravenously and loudly, etc.) and I love how it makes her feel inadequate and "less" and like Mamoru also sees and has noted all these things she considers the worst parts of herself (while meanwhile he's in JUST AS MUCH AGONY as she is, but I'm getting ahead of myself).

The unpacking part is also great because it's so TENSE. It's the kind of awkward that you really only get when two people who desperately hate each other (and have to pretend they don't) or desperately want each other (and have to pretend they don't) are forced in each other's proximity. It really, really sets the perfect tone for the rest of the story and their conflicting feelings about the situation.

Also, your description of their room (and the lake) is SO BEAUTIFUL. Everything feels cozy and vivid and luxurious and I want to stay there x.x

I also love that Mamoru is VERY CLEARLY just as resentful of the idea of the onsen going painfully unused as Usagi is, but you have to reaaalllllly squint to pick up on it. Very subtle and heartrending touch. THE PINING, THE PINING. I love the beautiful, sad pining.

Amy having calculated the exact number of trees around the lake is perfect. And him having food for her, because of COURSE he would have food for her, the perfect cinnamon roll that is Mamoru would never let his princess go hungry. (I do want to know how many onigiris he actually had in his jacket, btw. I have to guess at least five.)

"Are you seriously reading Wikipedia to me right now?" made me guffaw. Because like, Mamoru, obviously she could have done that too, who are you to judge?

And YES it kind of is a horrible love story, even though Usagi isn't REALLY the Beryl counterpart she believes herself to be here. It doesn't make her a monster just because he didn't want her (though her trying to kill them over it is a whole other thing that we won't get into here).

The 'Ah' sound that he sometimes makes at her and she couldn't really read that tends to irritate her (as well as the look that she feels is condescending) did things to my insides because CLEARLY HE HAS FEELINGS HE'S REPRESSING HERE AND SHE'S NOT PICKING UP ON, EXCUSE ME AS I SOB.

(Honestly I normally get REALLY ANNOYED with stories with the basic plotline of "If one of these two idiots would open their mouth and speak their feelings out loud, the whole thing would be resolved" except I don't hate it here because you manage to write these two idiots with such pathos that I totally get WHY they think they can't speak of their feelings without ruining everything. So it doesn't annoy me at all, in fact I love it, and how do you do this, again?)

Their whole conversation at the lake just builds on the tension from the unpacking. All the signals Mamoru is unconsciously sending, and all the feelings Usagi is having, the subtext... Ugh, it's so good. "What would you know about not being wanted, Odango." HE SAYS WHILE THINKING SHE DOESN'T WANT HIM. DYING. Her being jealous of Rei is just a stab in the heart.

I also love how sneakily you slip in the part where Usagi messes up the salt. It's such a blink-and-you'll-miss-it line that's SO RELEVANT to the second chapter.

Mamoru silently watching her be weird. Mamoru silently having feelings that of course he has no idea how to voice about her being weird. And her repeated fixation on how perfect his hands are is just a subtle touch that adds so many feelings and additional tension to the story. "Why did the guy have to be so friggin prim and proper and perfect and why did it have to turn her on like that?" YES.

Her then angry-eating is perfect, because Usagi would totally eat her feelings at any opportunity. And I love their conversation about the legends all having a touch of ick to them, though for all we know it may have been consensual and yes, Usagi, Serenity WAS a total babe. The subtext here is light enough that it's not suffocating, but it's heavy enough that I feel like I could cut it with a knife if I wanted to (real talk, the tension/subtext is right at that level all story and it kind of makes me want to weep it's so good).

"...Who is it that doesn't want you, Usako?" Just. Guh. Especially with him calling her Usako? And her even KNOWING that there's some significance to the nickname even though she's not sure of what it is? And then he's hurt but she doesn't realize WHY even though he called her Usako so her solution is to strip down and throw the "stupid waste" of it all in his face except it's NOT and you manage to ratchet the tension up even higher?!

"...the man she'd had wet dreams about since the day she'd first had wet dreams." SUCH AN AMAZING, EVOCATIVE LINE. UMPH.

I love how she seems to exhale as she makes her plan to laugh it all off the next day and call it a dumb idiot thing AND THEN THE SHOWER TURNS ON AND THE TENSION IS BACK. And him using the same washcloth as her, hotdamn, should not be as hot as it is.

AND THE POOR BABIES, HOW AWKWARD THEY ARE AS THEY SHARE THE ONSEN WITH NO IDEA WHERE TO GO FROM THERE AND JUST A VERY STRONG AWARENESS OF THE FACT THAT THEY'RE BOTH NAKED.

"Friends usually weren't in the habit of regularly masturbating to the image of their fantasy-version fucking them silly in what-if version of all their memories of them" Well, that's some La Douleur Exquise shit right there (this is a compliment, incidentally).

And SHE WILL be all he hopes her to be, Usagi, because she's YOU. (Additionally, "...from the look in his eyes, she was pretty sure he'd let her" just... ugh, way too many feelings, especially because she DOESN'T do it).

Usagi's bewilderment over Mamoru taking a second shower HA. I know you don't write "Usagi the Innocent Flower" but that's still a hilarious touch of her being very mildly naive (or just oblivious to her effect on Mamoru, either way). And it helps break up the sweet, sweet tension of the story, too.

AND THEN HE STANDS AT THE FOOT OF HER FUTON AS SHE PRETENDS TO SLEEP, SWEET JESUS. (Tangent: I would practically die to read this story from Mamoru's perspective. I'm just imagining his running inner monologue of "she doesn't want you, baka, she said so" as Usagi acts out because she thinks he doesn't want her? Even just the onsen scene from Mamoru's perspective would be freaking gold).

And then her climbing onto his futon because she just can't resist and my heart always stops when he asks "What the hell are you doing, Odango?" (And I have to wonder if he for a moment thinks he's dreaming because since when is Mamoru so bold as to ROLL ON TOP OF USAGI not that ANYONE is complaining).

"How he moaned into her mouth as if she'd fulfilled his every lasting wish" HOW DO YOU HURT US LIKE THIS. "She would make sure this one would go all the far there was." Seriously, how dare you write things like this. Completely freaking unbelievably good.

I legitimately cry over "You're so perfect. So, so, so perfect." HE JUST LOVES HER SO MUCH. And it's mixed into the crazed and desperate frenzy to get them both naked and worship her body and it's sexy and it's sweet and you just write intimacy so freaking beautifully.

"He was never allowed to do anything else ever again but touch her in this way." Freaking damn.

"He was almost, almost hers if she pretended hard enough, just for this moment in this room in the dark" Holy freaking shit. I read these amazing perfect sentences you write that wreck me to pieces and sometimes I can't believe English isn't your first language. I wish I could write half so eloquently as you do in English and it's my ONLY language, damn.

Ughhhhh and then it all falls to pieces and it's heartwrenching and DAMMIT MAMORU JUST PUT IT IN *ahem* The final "rejection" really sets the tone for part two and mannnn "a heartbreak that was more intense than all of them put together."

Good lord, I really love this story.

Oh my god this wassssss Gold wow I’m
Blown away with how great this story was thank you !

This was heartbreakingly beautiful. The emotional burden she carries here is so relatable, it’s gut-wrenching and almost palpable. I’m such a fan of the mostly settled, yet open-ended way you write so many of your pieces. They didn’t find Serenity and Endymion, and yet they did in a way. Now we get to take the story where we want from here.

This is such a beautiful, beautiful piece. I really, really felt Usagi's pain and turmoil in my throat and chest the entire time. You did a beautiful job portraying the possession of Usagi by her own pain. I really felt like I was there. I also love me some MHC (magical healing... hehehe). Thank you for a lovely two parter. I nourished every written piece.

As always, I loved it!

Oh my god, that was so good! I love this world too?! What a ducking brilliant idea. Man you are really good at having the perfect balance of angst I. Your stories. Like it’s there, in droves, but it’s not too much that I can’t handle it? I loved this whole chapter, but my two favourite parts was the beginning when Usagi is thinking about the ghosts of Her past. That internal dialogue, and the way you wrote it, was amazing as fuck. And then I loved how Mamoru cried. I love how you portray him. Guarded, reserved but vulnerable af. This was beautiful, haunting, and I’m glad it ended like that!

Omg I love your canon divergence pieces. Legitimately love them. Obviously, you killed my heart. Because poor Usagi and also Mamoru. I love how you’re always playing on the lack of communication. I would argue that, more than anything, is their one downfall. I love how Usagi is bold when she’s angry. And I felt her sorrow. The pining, the angst!
And then, the lemon. Hot and filled with desperation.
And then, Mamoru, god. Stupid Baka. I can only imagine the self deprecating crap going through his head.
Love this. Love the vibe. Love your writing. And I’m sneak reading this because I promised my husband I’d go to bed early tonight. But obviously I lied. If he asks, I’ll have to blame you and your amazing stories ! XD XD

just re reading this and remembering how much I loved the story you made here. the universe and the characterization and just... it's so perfect. I love how you describe Mamoru with his neatness and book smart and poise and Usagi with her disaster self, and how subtly you draw in the ghost and how it's affecting her and how she's channeling a 'beryl' type not Serenity because in this story she knows the deep pain of unrequited love. and I want more from this! some angsty prequel about that post-Kunzite attack kiss she mentions or something, or any other way you want to explore this universe. This is just so great to have these perfectly angsty and precious and sexy fics to visit any time I want to, I'm so lucky! -Antigone2

Omg. That was incredible. You can’t help but feel Usagi’s hurt. This builds beautifully. Please don’t ever stop writing.