.. there

I had high hopes for this story but was disappointed. Very little character development, POV switches without warning and then you have large amounts of dialogue with more than 2 people without a hint of who is talking. Poorly written and it needs a lot of work.

Thanks for sharing

This was a decent story. The only criticism is like to give is that the story is hard to follow with its switching from first-person POV to narrators POV. it would be okay if it didn't occur within the chapter. Otherwise, you told a great story Also Chapter 22 is mostly a repeat of chapter 21

No offense but you need a Beta. Your story is all over the place, plus poor character development. If you are going to write in first person you need to establish who is speaking,

So this story was very hard to read and stay interested in. The character's POV was all over the place and I didn't know who or what were talking. If you were using 3rd person pov then it wasn't no better than the character's POV. Everything was rush and really didn't make a lick of sense. Maybe clean it up better?

Poor Emmett!

I love it.

I'm glad the Whitlock crew and friend are all safe, but I hate that a petty evil shrew got away with some bull shit. ugh... Off with her head! LOL mwahaha I'm a wee little bit vengeful. ;) Great story. Thanks for writing and sharing.

Super happy that Maria and her army are toast. I don't care how Bella did it just that she did. Now they need to go after Rose or the guilty Cullens. Thanks for writing and sharing.

Hello,
Yeah, well, it seems that poor Emmett is going to lose his girlfriend too, strange that he does not show up at Jasper's place to help her against her woman witch,
excellent chapter,
cathy

Hello,
so Rosalie is also a hypocrite, I do not think Emmett will be happy with his wife, he was thrown out while he was with Jasper and Bella and he was part of a clan, now he will be alone with his harpy and I do not think he'll have fun every day,
excellent chapter,
cathy

I'm glad Jasper and Bella could take care of the 10 invaders. They have some help now at least. Yep, Rose should have been killed in hindsight. But this might be Esme or Alice's doing. Hmmm... Thanks for writing and sharing.

Good for Bella for defending herself physically and emotionally. Rude Rose and Emmett needed to go. I'm happy that Jasper, Charlotte and Peter supported her. Thanks for writing and sharing.

Hello,
Bella will always have trouble trusting the remaining Cullens, but I still think that Rose and Emmett are not dangers for her, she will eventually relax,
excellent chapter,
cathy