As per your request, my review for the first couple of chapters. Almost all of these chapters has been geared towards establishing Lilly's character and in this they do a good job, it would however have been nice to get some information about what's happening in the rest of the world or with the gang for us to better understand where she fits into the gang. Who are her friends, who does she not get along with who's worried about her safety, who is actively out looking for her, the summary has already established that she and Arthur are already or are gonna be close, but that's the only real connection that's been mentioned at this stage. Just a small scene at the beginning of the chapter with a member of the gang either talking or thinking about her would go a long towards making Lilly fit in. At least in my opinion, overall interesting read so far, gonna see what else is in store

Hey, absolutely adored the story, thought it was amazing. Only little thing thought that bugged me slightly. I'm Irish (not fluent in the language), but for the way we speak English isn't like how you wrote it. I felt Lily got more Scottish as the story went on, like "barin" for kids, we'd just say "kids" or "children" or if you're from Dublin like I am "chizlers" (you used that a couple of times which was brilliant). Just thought I'd drop a note about that. Otherwise a brilliant story and I'm currently reading the time travel one with I adore!

Just a quick note, Ireland didn't adopt the euro until 1999. In 1899 it would have been the Irish Pound.

I'm only on the 14 chapter but so far I'm liking it very much, I don't usually comment on stories unless I enjoy them (this is the case here) to critique shitty writing like bad plot supppeeerrrr OP mains or plotholes that make absolutely no sense, this story however is quite a good read, very few grammatical mistakes, and to be quite honest I do love me a well written romance story, so I thank you for writing one, a longer one at that, I hope to see how the story unfolds and how your writing improves from the level it's already at.

I like the chapter and I want to like Lilly, but there’s just little things in how she reacts that break the ‘immersion’ if you will. For instance (I know I’m harping on about the horse) her beloved horse is being eaten in front of her and she doesn’t have a believable emotional response. Now I’ve never had a horse, but like any pet that you raise, feed and take with you everywhere you go, especially a horse that gets these outlaws out of quite a few scrapes, you would be grieving it’s death and then horrified if it was eaten in front of you! Holy moly I can’t even imagine putting down a pet and then ‘giving’ it to wild animals to eat. Humans tend to want to bury beloved things. So while I know you tried to show the wolves were thin, young and hungry and mentioned a few times Lilly was upset about her horse it just doesn’t feel believable as a reader so far. It’s important to show the reader her personality through actions rather than tell the reader all about her, because it breaks that immersion of your world. I also feel like it would make more sense if her horse died on the escape from Blackwater and she kills a bear in the cave which attracts the wolves. And maybe she doesn’t make it all the way into Ambarino due to the dead horse, but there are a few caves in West Elizabeth that might be believable? Just my thoughts so far!

I have a feeling for many people the sudden death of her horse and then the wolves may be too confronting for a first chapter? For me I thought it was a good read, well written. But it was a little jarring how quickly she went from killing her horse to thinking fondly of her gang? It makes her character a little frustrating/un-relatable, especially as the reader might be feeling upset at this early stage. I think it’s an easy fix, you’d just need to re-arrange when she reminisces so once she puts her horse down she can grieve and let the readier relate and empathise with her. That’s my take on it at least!

Madam Raven, I've been reading your story for a while now and I must say that you've drawn my attention quite intensely; We I've seen you have very little grammar mistakes, mistakes so small that I've only noticed them because I double checked the sentence but nothing too crazy. My initial thought for this story was blown out the window after Lillian returns, (if you get what I mean, cuz I do not wish to spoil other viewers), the new found information about Lillian is odd in a good way, I could see this truly Playing out seeing the "Crazy sh*t" that happens throughout RDR2 and RDR case in point being the Francis Sinclair mission.

But back to the review, very intrigued and interested to see how you'll continue this. I'll post another review when I finish chapter 40, I usually review every five chapters but this is an exception. my only issue is that there's a lot of hunters chasing Irish prey (Hope that didn't sound offensive) if you get the metaphor nevertheless I presume Lilian will tie up loose ends in it's given time.

Overall this maybe one of my favorite stories, so continue the good work. -D

arthurs gonna be on the war path lol can't wait to see great work

oh I hope this exposes the rat bell and I can't wait to see what happens to bronte great work

awes0me

c00l w0rk awes0me

great work great when there not fighting

great work

good work what I ment about mistakes happened in that chapter michah needed to die in strawberry and he didn't this leads to the end of the gang and arthurs death will be interesting to see how you might prevent that when we know he's a traitor and how things will go without something else happening

will they actually make it I wonder they seem to make the same mistakes can't wait to see how it changes great stuff