There's lots of promise and potential for this story. you have a great idea and want to execute it. although, it seemed like it needed more details and more grammar. it still has lots of hidden potential. i see you've put your heart on this and want it to flourish. lets break up the chapters instead of having 1-4 on one page. thats too much for a reader and theyd probably lose track. so put individual chapters up so the readers can track where they stopped. there's many ways wanting to convey what you want your characters to do. may i give you inspiration? read my story and see whether or not you like it. id love to help you write as well