This is a very good guide that applies to characters stories just as much as RP characters.

The world would have far more good, even amazing, fanfics if more fanfic writers remembered this. (I belive the fanfic term is "Mary sue/Gary Stu", and it SHOULD carry a sentence 10 years of steel-wool brushing of your private parts to do this. It really should.)

/roleplay-guides/bad-roleplay/godmodding/

Good luck, and don't give up! Writing is an art. It takes time to learn it, but is well worth the effort once you get to the point where your readers keep begging you for more. ;)

I thought omniences and future knowledge belonged to the realm of the allmighty-asshole-in-the-sky.

And of COURSE dumbledore is 100% OOC and evil, because...y'know... a protagonist raised by a more or less evil character could neeeeever fight against a...*gasp* Good-alligned, nice guy!...*Sigh*

Dumbledore's good intentions will lead him to Hell FAR more than any greed or selfishness fanfic-writers make up. It just makes him unrealistic and one-dimentional.

It's also written in a fashion that makes it seemed rushed and fractured.

Your story DO have its merrits tho.

The idea itself IS brilliant! And it WOULD stir up the wizarding world. Lucifer is nothing if not a rebel. (Well, and a hedonistic seducer of...everyone and everything on two legs. Possibly also things with more legs, tho this is as of yet hypotethical. Lol)

But it's still the first chapter. I've seen much worse beginnings pick themself up and become amazing stories as the autor goes along and becomes better.

So I'm keeping my fingers crossed. The story DO have great potential.

Honestly the biggest turn off for this story would probably be the spelling mistakes and punctuation, but other than that if you fix it up I think you have a good story to continue

Just a suggestion: I think more people would attempt reading the story, if the summary didn't contain so many spelling and grammar mistakes.

And I would also suggest getting a beta to help you with punctuation, if nothing else.

Quote Cpt. Picard: "... he just kept talking in one long incredibly unbroken sentence moving from topic to topic so that no-one had a chance to interrupt; it was really quite hypnotic..."

Awsome chapter!

great chapter update soon

I LOVE IT! ADD MORE PLEASE!

:-)

Awesome chapter.

Eso fue genial me encantó continúa pronto siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Great story I want more chapters

I LOVE IT! ADD MORE PLEASE!

Thank you for the chapter

Great story!

Looks great! Hoping to see more of this story. Great job!