Nice job! This is an interesting premise. I can't wait for the next update. Have a nice day, author!

Ren Amamiya is his twin brother
[Those are different family names, which is an oddity period in Japanese culture where consolidated family life is still a paramount thing. If they were non-blood brothers I could see them being from a blended family (child of each parent, but with the other parent being from a previous marriage), but even then they’d probably be given the same name as the father]

sniffle. The kind where you
[You’ve been using some Telling before, but above it was concise and focused so it felt like it was an observation of the POV character Ren. This paragraph feels like it jumps wholly out of the scene and you as the author just Tell us things instead of Showing the observable signs. Ren could hear a choked sob and make an inference or two. The jump into second-person exacerbated the jump]

Ren whispered how
[Dunno why this is summarized instead of Shown, that would give you extra opportunity to flesh out how Ren acts during instead of having to Tell us why he’s doing it]

Akira felt lost
[The former seemed a little purple prose but felt like it came from the character, this is Author Telling. If you need more information to come out, you’ve got another character there. Just make it dialog. Sibling rivalry (or the parents comparing or pitting them against each other) is another source of conflict allowing you to explain why things are here as well as fleshing out the characters]

Deserted him
[This is the exact opposite of what you showed. If Ren backed off when mother came in the scene, sticking with one POV could’ve helped you Show that]

You'd be dead if it wasn't for us
[I get the attempt to set up emotionally abusive/neglectful parents, but I feel like you lack focus. You gave a hint that they constantly compare him to Ren, but don’t press the point. You don’t have anything specific they harp on like never getting commendation from his school or clubs or other adults. You could even imply this through ignoring Akira and praising Ren’s awards]

Are you alright
[all right]

Maybe you're so caught up in the blame that you don't realize that I'm trying my best
[This is the first real “on camera” conflict in the story and it’s great. It goes right to the discomfort of the characters and friction (real or imagined) between them]

Chapter 2
fifteen minutes, Akira sees light
[A couple paragraphs above you described light from the window. Which is it? This is another reason it’s so important to keep the narrative tightly focused and not drop into Author Intrusive Telling – you can shove lots of information at us with Telling, but it’s not always in a palatable form or understandable to your audience because it’s so easy to jump around]

Do you mind warning me next time
[As unusual as the action is, I’d think Morgana’s first response would be wary concern]

He's taking short breaths like his life depends on it
[Hyperventilating? Or is it before or after that stage of panic attack?]

Lady Ann, and the rest
[If it’s after Futaba, is Akira in a romantic relationship? That would change a lot of dynamics, in his mind and how he relates to others because that would be a minimum of one person he’d WANT to be with despite his inner demons. It should come up by now, even if the inner torment of ‘I’m not good enough’]

Akira splashes water on his face, washing away his exhaustion
[This is tightly focused on one character and descriptive. It’s focused on the present tense and draws us into a clear action. This is the good writing you should be trying to make each of your scenes out of]

Sojiro doesn't open Leblanc until Akira's had breakfast
[Yes he does, you say that in the next sentence. “I have to get up because he’ll open even if I’m not ready” is a good way to reinforce the tension]

In the beginning
[You are dropping out of the acted-out scene a LOT for this Telling, but if it’s set in November or later it doesn’t make sense. Your audience already knows the beginning, and if you changed something it would be better to Show that before getting to this later point so we have a common reference point]

how'd you win?" Akira flashes
[Source Mixing]

I think the idea could be interesting, but your story has more Telling than Showing. Walk us through the scene as it’s acted out, paint a picture! That’s always more interesting than the director turning off the film projector to Tell us what the movie’s about.

Damn.. This story really hits hard but in a good way, Keep up the great work, I wonder what the Thieves will think of when they enter Akira’s Palace and see how his “parents” have treated him