Wow! Cool! That last part sent shivers to my spine despite seeing it coming!

Also I don't know if this is an error or not, but at the part where Yang was figuring out what story to tell the school, there was not a line break after that.

Again, don't know if it's intentional or not.

Let me say first that any opinions I give should be taken as such, opinions. They shouldn't affect your image of the story you're writing unless you see merit in the change. I like saying this the first time I critique for someone just so they know where I stand. I'll bounce ideas around with you or give my opinion on anything you'd like, or even cheer for you, but I don't want something I say to cause undue stress on you as you write.

With that said, I'm somewhat familiar with RWBY. I can give advice on what I know, but beyond that I can't so I'll focus on what I see as a writer and then as a reader. I'm really critical of what I read in regard to fics so the reader side of me is just as discerning as the writer side. :)

Chapter 1
I like how you have two scenes and we see a small Ruby and a slightly older Yang. It really contrasts their lives and that's good, it shows how each grew up and how it molded their outlook and morals in life. I would have liked to maybe know a bit more about Summer from Taiyang's POV, but that isn't a turn off.

The only thing I question is when the locket is shown, Yang says that Ruby is around her age... Does this mean the picture in the locket of Ruby is the same age as the girl who's talking to Raven or is the pictures of each girl the same age? This was confusing and the only thing that really hung me up in that regard.

Grammar wise - and I'm not the greatest at this as I really should be... - but some words don't need to be joined by a dash. The words I'm referring to here is where you have 'oil-black' and 'nailed-down,' 'blood-red' is another, these don't need the dash. When describing a color like black or red in this case "blood" and "oil" are just descriptive terms for them. Nailed down is two words anyway. If you have Google Docs try copying your chapter into one and finding some of the grammar mistakes you've made. I've found some by doing this myself. If you don't, you can always find a grammar checker online.

Chapter 2
In the first scene, with Qrow and Raven, it threw me a bit that this was a flashback and not the next logical scene. A tag showing the time frame, ex. Two weeks ago, or something like it would have been nice just so the reader doesn't have to stop and go, "Wait, what?"

I did like how you showed Yang's emotions on finding out she had a father and a sister, you can tell that her brain just isn't computing it all, nor can her heart. I mean if I was told I had long lost family it would be a major shock and that comes through Yang's actions.

Couldn't find anything grammar wise but does that mean there isn't any? No. There could be so just double check things. ;)

Hello! Kit here.

I'm excited that I've been able to start your current piece of work. Off the bat, I'm very drawn into your writing style. I really enjoy how you're able to balance your attention to detail, and still keep your descriptions crisp without it feeling overloaded or cluttered. I think some of my favorite sections of this chapter were when the Branwen Tribe were fighting the Grimm. I've never been able to adequately capture action sequences, so even though it wasn't a large scene, I commend you for it. The tension was felt throughout the scene, and it the action itself wasn't unnecessarily drawn out.

I also really enjoy the angle of having Yang start out as the Princess/future leader of the tribe. I like how thrown off I felt when she was fighting with a blade during the Grimm hunt, so right away we as an audience know this isn't the One Punch Man/Gunner Yang we know from the series (or at least not yet possibly). I'm excited to see how the realization of her family will play out in regards to being sisters with Ruby. It's been a while since I've watched the first half of RWBY, so I don't fully remember her official lineage in the main series. But, I'm very interested in the (possible) side story of Raven/Taiyang/Summer. And hope that it gets explored in some capacity in the future in ways of flashbacks or something of the sort.

This opening chapter definitely did its job of drawing me in, and I can't wait to read more.

Till next time!
Kit the Kitsune

Ignorance is bliss, little rose.

But eh, I guess they miscalculated on this one.

Yang is not a victim she is just as manipulative as everyone else here, her bloody arrogance strikes again. If Ruby is angry and Qrow and Tai she should also be angry at Yang for her being nothing but a coward.

Qrow and Tai haven't been lying just no point in mentioning Yang at this point in time. Was up to Yang tell Ruby about her she was a coward plain and simple.

Honestly don't make Yang out to be a victim and put all the blame on Tai and Qrow that is a really shitty thing to do. Yang is the one at fault no-one else. Raven can be blamed some small part not mentioning her father however we already knows where she stands with the tribe comes first.

Also Raven never actually lies Yang is just an idiot who can't look past what she is told. Lives up to the whole blonde bimbo thing. She should stop acting as if she is a victim.

Good luck, Qrow and Tai to explain THIS to Ruby...

That ending tho, that was great, cant wait to see how that turns out in the next chapter

Love the ending perfect. Keep up the great work

things are getting spicy in here :)

*incomprehensible Swedish noises*

Hell yeah, here it comes.

This will be fun, I wanna see how you'll pull this off.

YES what I’ve been waiting for! Can’t wait for the next chapter! God I’m so excited!

Ah... Good job Ozpin really, but Yang, you waited too long to tell Ruby you're her sister and now she knows but not because of you so... Good luck !

Yang trying to tell Ruby she's her sister feels like a romance confession.

Except it's not.

Seems to be hugging to close to canon for my liking. Their needs to be more independent subplots going on instead of regular canon this fics main plot line. For example I’d keep the revelation of Yang being Ruby’s sister on hold and have it be a point of derailment. Have Ruby think something entirely else about Yangs intentions and have that get resolved first. Second Yang needs to show more of her Branwen side and that should come into conflict with Beacon. Third is to mix things up as I’m not exactly sure Yang being partnered with Blake is a good idea as it just sets up the same dynamic as Canon RWBY. Example being make Yang the leader to show the difference in this story. This is a promising story!