Hi Yuki,

Before i start, let me say something: Everything i say here is my thoughts and my opinions and some suggestions. During no part of this i will be saying that it should be the way i prefer, just what i thought about something when i read it in the story. I recognize that this is yours story, not mine, so i'm not like "IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN LIKE THIS WAY I’M SAYING IT SHOULD BE" or something or the like, at most i will be saying how something that i thought that didn’t wrong that well and how i think it could’ve being handled, since just saying that you think something didn’t worked and don’t make a suggestion on how it could have don’t seems all that helpful. Also, a lot of times during the review, i will be saying “in my opinion”, “at least for me” and the like, that’s because was my way of saying “i think this thing worked because of this, but that is my own particular opinion and i can’t say that it was the same for everyone else.’, it is a kind of obvious thing, that i don’t talk for everyone that read this story, but it’s to show that i’m not saying that something was bad, just that it didn’t worked for me in particular.

- Writting: If i’m being honest, i found the writting in the first chapter strange, more specifically, the parts before Black Diamond goes to Earth. After that and the chapters 2 and 3 were okay, but before it, it was kind of all over the place what was happening, looking like it goes from the birth of B.D., to the reunion of her and Black Pearl, to them suddenly in somewhere else while they were talking in the presence of the other Diamonds but they didn’t heared any of it, then in her room she saw and saved Black Sapphire, etc. That is what i meant by saying it was strange, it seemed to go through all kind of things some times in almost the next phrase.

Making a comparation to another story of yours that i read, ‘Diamond in the ruff’, i though it was done better there, where we still go through a lot of things fast, but there is a clear distinction of what is happening where and when we jump to another thing, so i followed better the story there. That, being said, after the arrival of B.D. on Earth, things get a lot better all the way through the rest of the chapter 1 and the entire of 2 and 3.

- About what happened "on screen": It can be just me, but i thought that more of things that B.D. and B.P. lived in the Home World. We can cleary see that what B.D. had to did to ensure the survival of the off colors gems taked it's toll on her, but the way it was showed, it didn't filled like much. Like, it felt that she was born, then got Black Sapphire and then goes to Earth all in the same day or week. I know that, for what they described it was more than that, but it was how it felt with how it was described in the first chapter.

I think it would’ve being better if it was like, talking about it again, ‘Diamond in the ruff’, in which we did see some of the things that Indigo Diamond had to do, destroying life forms for who knows how long (but considering that P.D. was still around, then that’s a long time) and watching several gems that see couldn’t save, but also seeing what she COULD do, managing Pink’s Zoo, doing what she could for Spinel, seeing some of the other gems that she could save, that sold me better the why she acts as she acts.

In ‘Black diamond and black pearl’ it kind of gave me the impression that she just gave up the moment that she was ‘born’.

In my opinion, i think the first(s) chapter could be about B.D. and B.P. learning to suck it up and be quiet about every complains that their would have with this life style and try to fit their respective roles in the gem Society and what they had to do during their time in it, so later it would feel more when it comes into play, like when Steven questioned her on the ship.

- Black Diamond and Pearl: I had thought one thing about these two during the read of all the three chapters, that it was, like i said before, i didn’t got the feel that a lot happened but they were super into their roles. Like, B.P. is on the risk of being taken away for being a ‘defective’ model, so i understand her, but B.D. is in the rank second most important gem in the unverse, sharing that rank with Blue Diamond and Yellow, so she shouldn’t have a little more space to act without being scared all the time? Also, she forgotten what’s a hug?

Again, if there were scenes that showed the things that happened over the years, it could feel more right of it happening, but as it was, i was always thinking it was a little strange, like, i know that she couldn’t do EVERYTHING the way she wanted, like when Steven fused with Connie in front of the Diamonds, but from the way that she was almost with PTSD i kept think ‘man, what did the Diamonds did to her when we weren’t seeing?’

Also, it was only me that thought that B.D. accepted her situation and what was happening way too fast? Like, ‘i was in a bus; now i am in darkness; now i have a new body; now i am in a cartoon; now i have a post i have to fill in a kind of kingdom; now i discovered that my friend is also here and she is in the form of one of the lowest class that there is in this Society and is obliged to be my servent for life, which pretty much can mean forever since gems don’t age; now i have to become a leader and save several lives while appearing ruthless’, i am exagerating the first half of the first chapter, but not by far, at least of how it felt to me.

All of those things are shocking, reality shattering things that she just accepted one after the other as they were being throwed at her. Like, every one of those things could easily become a chapter of their own, like:

; Marissa woking up and discovering that she became Black Diamond
; The reunion between B.D. and B.P. and B.P. telling her life as a black colored Pearl before a Black Diamond show up (at least the impression i got was that Allison got there as B.P. a long time before Marissa being born as B.D., so see what she was being through could show more why she would want to be so in character aside of the immediate danger of being ‘defected’, even through i think if B.D. just said ‘i still want her’ if it came to that it should resove things, i think)
; The begining of Marissa’s life as B.D. an why she would integrate so much into herself the need to be the perfect Diamond despite in the gems eyes she is that by default.
; The relationship between B.D. and the other Diamonds, since they created her to be the replacement of P.D. but also had expectations for P.D., so B.D. would be stuck between being Marissa, P.D. replacement and the expectations of them for her, adding more of her need to be perfect.
Among other things.

I recognize that it is much easier to be in my position of the person just reading than in the position of writing, because i just say “how about that?” while you are the one doing stuff, but i really think that going about those things would be really cool.

Also, i’m little confused, how long ago Marissa and Allison became gems? Like i said before i wasn’t sure from the chapter itself so i just could guess, like, if Marissa was made to be P.D. replacement then maybe the same year that Rose fake shattered her? And Allison? She was already there when B.D. came into existing and said "i was worried i'd be alone forever." so it has to be for a while now.
(honestly, i kind of think it would be more fun to follow Allison’s story, starting from SHE was made into a gem and going from there, like instead of her going crazy and being ‘put away’, it could have been B.D. that break under pressure of everything or because she failed in the task of bringing the rebels back to the Home World to be judged for killing P.D. and now B.P. would lose the someone that kept her going in this life [both because of being her friend and only link to the previous life but also because now she is a Pearl without a Diamond] and now would work with the main cast to work things out. Or i don’t know, maybe i just liked B.P. more and i’m making excuses to follow her story instead XD)

- Black Diamond and Pearl's designs: I admit that i was a little confused when reading the description and had to go back to the cover to help me visualize them, but i liked them, particulary Pearl's haircut over her eye, (i don't know why that’s what stood out to me from everything in the image), but i thought that B.P. could have clothes that were more different from the other two Pearls.

That can sound strange (and maybe it is nitpicking), but despite the difference between Blue and Yellow Pearls' clothing are just where the extra fabric is, in Blue’s is as a skirt that in addition why with the poses that she usually is with her legs and arms, gives her an air of grace and makes her look like a ballerina, while Yellow’s is on her shoulders as it were to look like shoulder pads and she is usually in a pose of attention, since she is under the more ‘general-like’ gem, while Black Pearl looked like it was just putting both together, and i thought something could be done with her, for example, since she was always coming for Marissa’s rescue in their previous life, the frabic on her could be coming from her shoulders and covering her back as if like a short cape, as if a super hero or a knight from fairy tales.

(that maybe sounds a little stupid, but i just thought things could be tried to be incorporated into that design, since i already liked it but there was that one part that i thought lacked, BUT, again, it can be just me nitpicking)

- Ninja Sapphire: ...I’m not against it, even because Pearl was for housekeeping and she became a swordmaster. It’s just... i thought it came from nowhere, like, the Sapphires were made to see the future, so why did she spontaneously decided that she wanted to get that skillset if the Diamonds would get rid of her anyway from being of another color?
It would make more sense if B.D. would take her in (since she sees the future, that is something important to have on your side, and the ‘i will save all black gems’ thing would seal the deal) and under B.D. orders, then, Black Sapphire would start learning using knifes until the start of the series or something. She just having it from the beging for apparently no reason just seemed odd to me.
Also, what’s up with her name going from Black Sapphire to Blackfire? Like, i would understand a nickname of sorts, but going from precious rocks to fire was a big of a leap. Not that i thought it was a problem, it’s just that i wanted to understand the why.

- Jasper x Black Diamond: I would be okay if i didn’t thought one thing, “man, that was fast...”
Again, i can be making a mess with the timing things are happening, but, to me at least, they met, Jasper got romantic feelings for B.D. then it was show that B.D. has a crush on Jasper, all in the same day they arrived on Earth, maybe two if we count that B.D. Diamond slept until next day. I don’t know, to me it gave the impression that it was way to quick to it get going.
I mean, i understand Jasper admiring B.D. for her famed kind nature to the defected gems and all and for saying that she wanted to request that Jasper would be put on her court, but for her then go on the same day to romantic feelings and B.D. start also having those feelings during the moment that she was devasted becase of losing her friend and feeling that it was her fault, it just seemed too fast and with odd timing, at least for me.

- Songs: The songs i liked, particularly “Don't you see it's not simple” from chapter one” All the songs in the chapter i liked, but that one was my favorite.
I think that’s everything. Some more happened in chapters 2 and 3 but they were more setup for the next ones and the characters just hanging out (which i didn’t mind seeing, i just think there isn’t much for me to say about it). I will be waiting the next chapters, and i will try to review Diamond in the ruff soon, it’s just i think i’ll distract and forgot for a while, but i will eventually do it!

Until next time,
Heitor

Will the Crystal gems find out about Black diamond is real name

Well interesting first chapter but I think you should change the last part it seems unrealistic to me. First off it seems you just replaced Jasper with black pearl for no concrete reason. Second this is a self insert where both of them are best friends I don't see them abandoning each other like what happened in the last scene. Third their self inserts I cant see any self insert acting as irrationally angry as the pearl was when they knew what was the most likely result that was to occur at the end of the fight ex. the ship crashing. So hope you change this if not hope you repair their damaged relation-ship if you do change the last scene I suggest black fusing with her pearl to calm her down before she goes off the deep end by fusing with Lapis. Anyway hope you read this review looking forward to the next update.

Dang this was amazing can't wait for the next chapter