Love

Nice and yay

Hey, I like 'cyborg clone thing' - Cylon is just such a stupid acronym. No wonder those guys went on a rampage.

"A warning to any readers: this is my first fanfiction ever and English is not my native language (though I did use multiple drafts). I hope it does not show."

Unfortunately, you tend to choose phrasings which, while technically valid, are strange enough to a native English speaker that I just can't get engaged with the story.

For example, "I'd love to, as it isn't like my side of the family ever invites me."

A native speaker would probably say "I'd love to. It's not as if my side of the family ever invites me."

In that particular example, the problem is that your phrasing has an over-complicated formality to it that's in opposition to how a character's emotions should be shaping their language when they say something like that.

Nicely Done.

wow cool idea...rough writing and zero effort put in to building background and personality..which makes it impossible to connect with your character and leaves your story feeling blah at best..but good idea! Maybe after 5 or 6 rewrites and some massive skill improvement this story will be interesting enough to bother clicking next!

Excellent story
Timeline might be elaborated and summarized for tracing the events
Good Luck

Love

Interesting

Cool.

This is very good.