Please add Tonks as one of Harrys wifes

I’m gonna have to agree with whoever said it before him saying da is getting weird I’m from the UK and iv never heard someone older than 4 use it

I don’t get it since it was a close thing surely he could use his powers to simply heal ted given that death said he is only limited by his imagination he should of been able to save Ted himself

This is a fantastic story. I look forward to where you will take it in the future.

Holy crap, I never saw what was going to happen to Augusta at all. I really wasn't sure if I was going to enjoy your story at first from the description but you have shocked and awed me. I hope to another chapter soon. I also hope you abd yours are safe.

I can't keep reading this story. It's getting simultaneously more boring and more irritating to read.

The implication that it's going to be a crossover is also just the exact kind of poorly thought out change that will send this story into a downward spiral, so it's probably a good time to stop reading regardless.

The fact that you haven't updated in so long lends credence to the idea that you lost control of the story as well, as often happens when sudden changes like this are made and when you don't plan ahead very well.

Good luck.

These people are way too damn pushy to find out Harry's secrets. It has barely anything to do with them outside of the fact that they exist nearby him. The stupid werewolf story is not nearly enough to justify this super aggressive prying into the secrets of a child they have zero rights over. It makes them come off as pieces of garbage. And children. Because, honestly, what adult doesn't understand the necessity of secrets? They don't have the right nor deserve to know everything just because one of them had a grandpa who was a fucking idiot and ruined the lives of his family. It's delusion and narcissistic.

You're playing it for melodrama, but that doesn't really change the fact that it is none of their business. The fact that Cyrus (and now Sirius) keep hinting at there being huge secrets is also very stupid of them. Like, you're dumbing characters down to justify the increase in drama. Yet, realistically, Harry has no reason to tell them anything. Neither does he have an obligation to do so. He swore no oath to them. Why would he? And he has a vested interest in keeping all of this a secret to his grave. Yet it looks like you're trying to drag things into the direction of him blabbing his secrets to everyone because they are ever so curious and hate secrets to a fairly childish and naive degree.

I also resent the irritating cliche of "when Harry is around girls, they all hit him and treat him like an unruly child even if he's not actually doing anything wrong". I don't understand why so many people find that funny or cute. I mean, I assume people exist in the real world and have interacted with other humans. That behavior is absolutely unacceptable. And if you were to reverse it, and have Harry hitting the girls and blaming them for everything, people would say he was a monster.

It's annoying now at the start because if you have them doing it at 10, you're probably going to have every female around Harry doing that to him constantly once they're in Hogwarts and/or get a bit older. And it's super tiresome and cliched and adds nothing to the story. It's also usually combined with these females telling Harry how he should think, feel, and behave as if he were a baby who needed everything laid out for him, or he's incapable of his own thoughts and will.

There's also the issue of 10yr old Hermione already acting like 17yr old Hermione, acting as if she knows everything about Harry, and telling him how to act. They barely know each other at this time. Harry was friends with a much older version of her, but that means nothing about how the current one is acting like she's some kind of wise expert on... anything at all. Hermione at 11 did not talk this way.

"You're right, pushy 10-11 year old girls. I should stop keeping these super important secrets and tell people about them. What an idiot I was. I'm so glad that I, the person who is mentally an adult, have these prepubescent girls to set me on the right path."

They're even dictating what he should do with his own property, talking down to him as if he were a child significantly younger and dumber than they are, and Harry is 100% going along with it and is absolutely acting increasingly spineless already. Because they are girls and he's ever so sensitive and in need of a shoulder to cry on. Which somehow also means he needs to tell them his secrets about time travel and all the other shit that went down in his previous life.

I don't see the wisdom in Harry telling a group of 11yr olds his secrets. That's possibly one of the dumbest things he could do. A more appropriate time to tell them would be after they are all adults and they swear to never tell anyone (as in, a proper oath before he tell them), and they all have Occlumency shields that are actually worth a damn against an enemy trying to pry into their secrets. Like Snape or Voldemort. Telling literal inexperienced children is asking for trouble for very little benefit.

It is said that the only way for three people to keep a secret is if two of them are dead, yet Harry seems to be on the path of telling many more people his secrets on top of the two that he already told. It would only take one of them getting mind raped by an enemy to reveal the whole mess. Because he's too stupid to realize that some things must remain a secret. "I feel guilty that I'm lying to my friends. Except that I lied to them already anyway for my own benefit. But for drama, I have to feel super guilty about the time travel thing and tell them."

Basically, you're falling into that very annoying cliche that you will find in many of these HP time travel stories- Harry always ends up blabbing because of his "feelings". And it's never a good idea. Somehow, most of those stories become shit after Harry reveals his secrets because suddenly everyone thinks they know exactly how Harry should deal with everything in his second life. Such a mystery. And Harry's brain seems to completely degrade to a state worse than the "friends" around him to justify them forcing their own irritating opinions on him, despite his greater age and experience. How strange that those people largely tend to be girls. Girls who hit him on the arm or head. Girls who talk down to him and insist he must open up because he's being "stupid" or "silly" or whatever.

I'm just noticing more and more of the same awful nonsense that really contributed to me abandoning fan fiction for years because I was sick of it. It's just plain bad writing, and yet so many people copy each other and do virtually the same exact thing time and time again.

The Hermione thing was really dumb and creepy. I mean, he literally stalked her, lied to her, and manipulated her into being his friend.

The most he should have done, if he were so desperate to give her those books before Hogwarts, was to just leave them on her doorstep one night. Otherwise, he should have just waited until Hogwarts to meet her.

There's a fine line between writing a fan fic and writing pure wish fulfilment. And this definitely borders the latter more than the former because it's a very stupid move that he has no reason to do, supported by lies and manipulation. All because he "missed her". A version of her that no longer exists. And now will likely never exists because he changed her from before a time he met her in his previous life. Realistically, do you think a person (let alone a young girl) would react positively once they find out that their best friend is actually twice his own apparent age, lied to them in order to meet them, and basically preyed on their insecurities to secure their friendship? I mean, he didn't exactly slip her some candy and invite her into a van, but given her adoration for the written word it's fairly close.

It's just super inappropriate.

In a few year, Harry should help mend Andromeda's broken heart with some new romance. Right? No? Too soon?

I think Lucius is a little "special" if he thinks random hearsay from something with a very obvious conflict of interest (and connections with the other witnesses claiming the same thing) will somehow trump actual physical evidence (the wand), a truth serum testimony (better than "we totes saw this, don't question it"), and the other various pieces of evidence being presented. And it's not like they can't also dump tons of their own hearsay testimony to counter Lucius's fantasies. I mean, that's why hearsay is largely inadmissible. Anyone can lie and say anything they want. Without real evidence, who can know what is the real truth?

I'm just conflicted here. Is Lucius supposed to be stupid and delusional in this story, or did you as a writer actually write that thinking it was a clever idea? Because it was an extremely stupid risk to take. In the event that Sirius was found innocent (and their certainty that he'd be found guilty truly seemed baseless beyond "he's unpopular, so of course he'll lose"), Lucius and his pals would all look like liars. Which would cast more doubt on their already dubious claims of being under the Imperius instead of being willing followers.

Also, Cyrus having a Confundus at the ready in case Astoria got spooked? That's like saying you need to give someone a concussion in the event that they see something mildly traumatizing. Using that kind of mind magic on a young child should be as bad or worse than using Polyjuice on one. You're messing with their brain chemistry. Normally, you can hand-wave it all as "magic", but you've already decided to make it a point to establish using Polyjuice on minors a bad idea. So magic isn't purely magical and has a noticeable physical consequence. A spell specifically designed to mess with your head and befuddle you would be very damaging as well. It makes Cyrus seem like a shit dad, when all of his ideas basically amount to unintended child abuse. Like stuff your kid's clothes with asbestos because the weather outside is unpleasant.

Harry going to Daphne for Occlumency doesn't actually make any sense at all. Especially once he started dropping secrets like Voldemort's real name for no apparent reason. It would have made much more sense for him to go to her mother, or just ask Cyrus. Having other lessons with him makes him a more appropriate choice, not a less appropriate choice. Particularly seeing as Cyrus is in the know for most of Harry's more important secrets.

The only reason I can see for you having Harry go to Daphne is to try and lay the groundwork for the Harry/Daphne thing, but in doing so you make Harry out to be an inconsistent idiot once again. He gets way too loose with information way too easily.

Besides, I generally find the idea of pre-Hogwarts kids knowing Occlumency at all to be a stupid idea that's almost assuredly completely a fanon construct. In the books, Occlumency was supposed to be very rare, difficult and questionable in its legality. Do you really think 9-10 (or even younger) Daphne is more capable and clever than Harry at 15 or so? Harry was basically incapable of learning Occlumency. Perhaps there were extenuating circumstances lowering his affinity for the practice, but the fact is he spent a year on it and got nowhere. But a little girl knows it well enough to have "shields"? (Aren't those also fanon?) I just do no believe in that. I like Daphne, but I don't think she should be able to shield her mind at this point.

Worse yet, you're implying that in helping Harry learn it, she would maybe see his memories. So not only is little Daphne here capable of Occlumency, the super rare and difficult mind magic, she's also capable of Legilimency.

In my opinion, if anyone at Hogwarts is to know Occlumency, it should be restricted to 6-7th year students from very well established families. Like the Potter, Blacks, etc. But fan fiction will have you believe that all pureblood kids have Occlumency shields by the time they get to Hogwarts, even the random poorer ones who only really have "pureblood" as anything to brag about. Except for the Weasley family, because we can't have Ron have Occlumency before Harry. That would be crazy.

Harry learning it at 15 wasn't Dumbledore finally getting around to correcting a gap in Harry's education. It was Dumbledore trying to get Harry to learn an esoteric branch of magic in desperation in hopes of keeping Harry from getting possessed or bamboozled by Voldemort through the Horcrux. And Harry fails to learn it because it was too difficult (and Snape is a shit teacher, and the Horcrux might have made it harder, whatever) and so he DID get bamboozled and was indeed temporarily possessed. But Draco Malfoy, Daphne Greengrass, etc. etc. don't really have any reason to learn it because Legilimency is also supposed to be very, very rare. So rare that we only really see three characters using it in the entire series. Dumbledore, Snape, and Voldemort.

That's my take on it, anyway. I feel like a lot of fan fiction writers cheapen those skills by spreading them around because they think those skills sound cool and also think "the edgy semi-evil pureblood would toootally be super paranoid and so these skills would toootally be right up their alley" while ignoring the rarity and the difficulty of learning it. "Super high level mathematics are useful. So in this story, all these fancy 10yr olds know theoretical physics like the back of their hands."

I am definitely against the idea of the Incarnations having any part of the main narrative of the story. Maybe post-story they could appear in some kind of epilogue sort of situation, but adding godline immortals into a story like this will just throw everything off balance. "Why can't they just solve all the problems? What? Vague and poorly defined rules stop them from exerting their immense power? Why? What could stop them?" It's far too much for the reader to swallow because there's rarely a decent reason, without further bloating things in this case by adding yet more extra-dimensional super powerful bullshit that will only further detract (and distract) from the actual story.

Not that this review is at all timely for such an opinion, given that all the chapters in this story were uploaded last year.

It seems you're one of those people with the habit of capitalizing words they think are important in a sentence, even though they shouldn't actually be capitalized. It's something of a pet peeve of mine, so I notice it more than others might. You usually should only capitalize the first word in a sentence and proper nouns. I supposed things might get a little more complicated once you start throwing around colons, semicolons, and some other punctuation, but that's not super important.

For example, you capitalized the word "Parents" at least once, for no apparent reason. You also seem to be inconsistent with how you write Harry's stupid little title. It should be "Boy-Who-Lived" if you want it hyphenated like "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named", but I think most of the time it's just "Boy Who Lived". Every word should be capitalized because it's a title, which is used in place of his name.

You also sometimes use the wrong word because it sounds similar to the word you mean to use. For example, when talking about the limo the Cyrus hired, you used the word "higher" instead of "hire".

I could also go into your overuse (and misuse) of ellipses and how some of the dialogue doesn't really seem in-character (Daphne's mother saying "Was named Voldemort." Instead of "He was named Voldemort." doesn't sound very pureblooded Lady of the Manor to me), but that's just getting too anal and granular. I'm not in the beta-ing business after all.

I don't see why Harry keeps his fancy magic vision disabled. Keeping it on all the time seems to be effortless and he really should get into the habit of having it on all the time anyway. What's the point of having it if he keeps it off? It would make it useless if something were to happen suddenly and unexpectedly where the vision would have been useful.

Either detecting a cursed item, a hidden enemy, or even learning magic he might only have had the chance to see once all seem like more than enough reason to never turn the vision off except for when he has a very good reason to not be using it.

The box thing is quite the cliche, but I don't necessarily mind it. The contents are what matter. Some stories make the box have all kind of crazy and magical crap that turns him into a wunderkind in the brief few months before he goes to Hogwarts. Others give him a guitar or something and that's always a bad sign. Song fics are disgusting, even if objectively the idea of Harry playing an instrument isn't necessarily bad. People can't write that without it becoming "here's my spotify playlist, guys"

I wonder if Harry would keep in contact with Dudley. As much as his aunt and uncle are pieces of trash, this version of Dudley is rather sweet at this point. You'd think Harry would want to keep in touch and monitor him to ensure Vernon doesn't fuck him up again by being crap dad that encourages bullying behavior.

I suppose I should just read on. Harry is kind of whiny so far "myeehhh, I can't do Merlin-level magic easily at age 9, myeeeehh" But my main hang up going forward is how those godlike entities were named. I hate it when writers try to get godly entities involved in the actual story as characters because it almost always goes poorly. The only exception (for my tastes) is post-Hogwarts crossover stories where Death is a woman who occasionally shows up with critical information (or as a girlfriend, if you want to be decadent).

The next biggest is actually the pairing. I'm all for Daphne, but Ginny is extremely boring. She strikes me as the magical equivalent of a trailer park girl. Trashy and desperate. Even if she were not, the main reason I've seen over the years for justifying the pairing is "She's just like your mom (though she isn't in any way that matters), look at her red hair!" which is creepy.

As a comparison, I'd rather read Harry/Lily where Harry's attraction is a naturally formed one that is internal and private. Harry/Ginny with people comparing her to his mother feels more like people are trying to force Oedipal crap onto him from their own weirdness. It's like creepy combined with annoying, instead of some kind of lewd taboo.

Hermione is also very, very, very irritating in way too many stories. People cannot handle writing her in a way that is tolerable when they are fans of her. They start putting her up on a pedestal that ends up making her way too perfect and smart which gets very unrealistic. She used to be one of my favorite characters in HP but annoying fans really ruin her.

But then, if it were me choosing, I'd try to find a way to squeeze Susan, Fleur, and Tonks into it. Then really get ridiculous and see if I can't find an excuse to also get Narcissa (and/or Andromeda) into it. My "A-Team" as it were, would be Harry/Daphne/Fleur/Tonks/Susan (assuming busty redhead Susan, not annoying gossiping chubby kid Susan) with a side MILF from the Black Sisters.

Anyway. Yeah. Harry letting stuff about Neville slip is a rather bad sign. I hope he won't end up telling people his secrets, like some people have him do in their time travel/whatever stories because Harry is seeming incapable of Operation Security and keeping secrets.