Liked it, it’s a really great idea! Few things I’d suggest, though, would be tell the story with more dialogue, scene changes, mood, etc. Some differences. Maybe spread things out and lengthen it, add a bit of filler? More personality from the characters, POV changes, stuff like that. Add some paragraph breaks to make reading the long chucks of writing more appealing, and such.
Hope this helps in some way for future chapters!