"who knew latias had in in her"

you serious, that kiss by 'bianca' in the film at the end is clearly latias.

I cant wait until the return of this story it is awsome.

Hello, Mystical87! I’m here once more!

Well, I believe this is the last chapter proper of your story, since the last one seems to be a quick Author’s Note. Anyway, this chapter’s title is ‘An Interesting Meeting’, so I’m actually very curious as to what this interesting new meeting is going to be. I presume it’ll probably be either one of Ash’s traveling companions (Be it Brock or Misty possibly) or potentially one of his Kanto Pokémon. It could be either of them, so I’m gonna eagerly await to see who it is. So, into the chapter we go!

To start, that’s a pretty cute introductory scene, Mystical. As I’ve said before, the way you write Ash and his Pokémon is really catchy and adorable. It’s a pretty simple style, but it gets the point across quick and effectively. It reminds me slightly of Syrup Waffle’s Dance Dance Revolution story in terms of how it flows. You should do it more often! I approve.

So, scene progresses, we exit the room and now they’re overhearing 3 ladies talk? Alright. Based on the hair colors you described, they seem to be the Sensational sisters. Which, that kind of confirms my theory on my first paragraph. Apparently, Ash will be traveling with Misty through this. This is a very interesting meeting indeed, and am really curious how you’re planning on handling this, actually. Just careful on starting a potential ‘love war’ between Latias and Misty. Because two older women fighting like that over a 10 year old, if not written properly, can very easily come off as predatory and creepy. Just be careful with how you plan to tone your future chapters once Misty is added into the mix.

Hahaha! That moment with Ash and Latias staring at each other kind of reminded me of Titanic for a little bit. Pretty lovey-dovey scene you wrote here, it’s so endearing. And, darn it, Pikachu, why did you have to interrupt such a cute, lovely and adorable moment? You make me very sad. Bad electric mouse! By the way, I don’t blame you for losing yourself like that, Ash. Latias’ eyes are adorable. It’s probably very easy to stare and get lost in them. Just look at them!

Oh hey, it’s the Sensational sisters again. Moreover, this time, they have Misty on tow now. Wait, if all 4 of them are here at the moment, who is tending to the Cerulean gym right now? Yeah, Misty definitely has a point on them neglecting the gym. But! She’s also very much aware they do that all the time, why are you there Misty? Gotta take care of the gym or you’ll lose the license. Or worse, you’ll have a Nurse Joy wielding a Latias come over and test how powerful your Gym is. Rip.

The sensational sisters are jerks, but I don’t think that’s news. At least they bothered to properly explain some of Ash’s questions once they realized he wasn’t just another annoying overbearing fanboy of them. But, their initial remarks were very much condescending towards him. I’ve never really liked them, personally. Nor Misty, to be honest. Not my favorite batch of characters in general.

Ash, If your mother basically abandoned you to become a Pokémon Trainer, that means you’re going to have a very good shot at finding her if you actually become a Pokémon Trainer yourself. Like I stated in my first review, if Delia has the drive and dedication (As well as the ruthlessness) to basically leave her son to his luck in a dark alley just to have time to become a Pokémon Trainer, I’m pretty sure she’s most likely going to be a pretty powerful Paul-like trainer. She has the guts and dedication to do anything and to push forward no matter what, even if she’s a sick, twisted and demented individual that I’d want to be as far away from as possible. Ash will definitely find her at leagues and in the high standings pretty consistently.

Here’s the thing: This actually sets you up a really big open door for so many endless possibilities as to how you can go about handling Ash’s attempts to get to her and finally meeting her. Imagine something like, if the very first time they meet, it’s actually in the grand final of the Kanto League? Ash using his last name of ‘Fontana’ may mean Delia doesn’t realize its him if she sees his name through the brackets until its way too late and they’re face to face in the league Final. That would be an insane can to open and you can set up a really gut wrenching chapter right there. In my opinion, that could actually be a pretty sick way to kick it all off. Mind me, just spouting ideas here, haha. I’m not sure what you even have planned yourself to begin with.

Anyway, pretty interesting chapter that’s now officially over. It’s also a really short one, so I didn’t have that much to talk about as the first two chapters. Hence why this review being on the smaller end. We didn’t get to see Misty’s introduction to Ash so you could be going in nearly any direction with this when you continue the story. All went pretty much how I expected and I’ll be awaiting your next chapter when you’re ready to continue this.

Read your chapter 5 A/N, and I’ll answer them here so that I don’t use up my slot of reviewing Chapter 5. I gotta say, it’s perfectly fine if you need to take time off, man. Remember that this is a hobby, not a life mandate. And the most important thing in the world is your own personal and emotional wellbeing. If you need a break, take it and it’s all good. We’re all here to support you.

On an additional note: posting chapters made up entirely of Author Notes is actually against the Terms of Service of FanFiction. So, when you decide to continue your story, instead of posting the next chapter as Chapter 6, the proper thing to do would be to delete your Author Notes chapter 5, and post the new Chapter as Chapter 5. Don’t worry, you will still trigger a notification alert for your followers if you do this. So, all’s good!

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed my reviews, Mystical. You’re a fantastic friend, I think you’re awesome, and you’ve got my support if you wish to continue your FanFiction. Cheers!

Hello, my good ol’ friend Mystical87! I’m back again! How are you? I hope you’re having a good day, kind sir.

Now, it’s time to continue on with my small review train. Well, to start, chapter title is “A Deal” which quite honestly doesn’t tell me much and I really have no idea what it could be referencing, so I’m going in with an open mind and kind of wondering what we’re going to see here.

Hm, I think it’d be more proper to say ‘in the middle of the ocean between Alto Mare and Kanto’, since Kanto and Johto are connected and have no ocean between them. Anyway, they’re going to Vermillion now? Interesting. I mentioned in my last review that you had left no real indicator of where Ash was going to be traveling through next, but hey, seems like it’s going to be Kanto. Fairly good, then! That means we’ll probably get to see more of his original team throughout the story. I do wonder who you’re going to scrap due to Latias already using up a slot on his team. Also, I see your very clever transformation of the common saying ‘early bird’ and I gotta say that I completely approve of it. I totally love Pidgeots, so well done on this one, Mystical. You earned yourself a digital cookie.

Well, I definitely agree with your trail of thought there, Mystical. Drooling (previous chapter) and now watching a 10-year-old sleep with a romantic mindset is actually rather creepy if Latias is older. Gotta mind ages, man! Though, if Latias was watching Ash with a ‘babysitting’ or ‘sisterly protective’ outlook then it wouldn’t be creepy at all. It’d be kind of like any older sister watching a younger brother sleep, then it wouldn’t be creepy and it’d actually be perfectly fine. Context is everything, Mystical! Granted, easy things to overlook when one is writing, but it’s a good thing to take a lesson from when moving forward.

Pikachu is just a little bit harsh, wow. He’s totally full blown on his early Kanto jerk days! Gotta give him an attitude check, because Latias beating him up in the previous chapter clearly didn’t do enough. Okay, reading that entire conversation… Hm, That was rough. But, hm, I’m not sure. They literally just met, would Pikachu really be so nosy and interested in Ash and Latias’ relationship that’s already 5 years old? But, at the same time, maybe he’s just very incredulous about what’s going on because it’s something extremely new that he’s never been exposed to in the past. Well, Pikachu, you’ve got into a very interesting trainer group, that’s all I gotta say. I am not buying Pikachu’s paper-thin motivation here though, there is clearly something else going on. Lol.

Latias, kisses don’t work well for waking up anyone. You should try something more drastic like psychically overturning his bed and shaking it. Now that works well most of the time. And yeah, I’m just as flabbergasted as Pikachu is here. By the way, Pikachu’s reaction definitely draw a laugh out of me here, so props for that! Hahaha! Wait what, Ash actually woke up!? I refuse to believe this sorcery! Don’t worry Pikachu, I can’t understand it either. You’re not alone on that one.

Yeah, Ash. Today is indeed the day you start your quest to find your mother. Well, I can answer that one for you. She remembers you. She definitely does. But I’m not entirely sure it’s fond memories that she has considering she dumped you to your fate in a dark alley. I mean, I like I said in one of my earlier reviews. Ash, you’re pursuing answers that you may not want to hear, and you’re pursuing a quest whose end goal will most likely not please you in the slightest.

And yeah, this was a pretty short chapter. I actually don’t have that much else to babble on, lol. It was a sweet and cute chapter too, by the way. I liked it. Like I’ve said earlier, your writing style is very cute and endearing. So good job on that. All you have to do is polish your writing a bit and you can do some pretty great things! Just takes some hard work, practice and dedication.

Cheers, Myst!

Hello, Mystical87! What’s up? It’s time for my second review! Onto chapter 2 we go!

The chapter title is interesting, tells me right off the bat that we are going to be meeting what is probably Ash’s second Pokémon in the fic! I honestly have no idea who it’s going to be though. Alto Mare is canonically stated to be south of Azalea City. If they were taking a small boat, I’d bet on it being one of his Johto Pokémon, but they’re taking a big cruise, realistically they could be going to any region. You’ve so far given no indication of what region or league Ash is going to travel through, so what he catches could seriously be anyone’s guess now. Eager to see who you’re going to slot in as his next Pokémon, though!

Aw, rather sad start to the chapter here. But, hey, that’s basically inevitable isn’t it? With every long journey and departure there is always the sadness of goodbye to family, friends and loved ones. No worries, Ash and Latias, I am sure this new journey you two are undertaking will soon fill in that void. And, ultimately, is one truly not as close to them just because of distance? Home is where the heart is, after all.

Immediately, Latias brings up an extremely, extremely good point to Ash. It’s actually a pretty sharp wit question for her to ask to be honest. I mean, yeah, Delia did heartlessly abandon Ash like a monster and that’s downright horrifying. Does Ash really want to go back to her and find her? Odds are, in a situation like this, you aren’t going to like what you find. Granted, Ash is 10 and probably isn’t keen on thinking that far ahead and he may crave answers. But, if he analyzes it, does he really want to get those answers? I honestly expected this question to come up sooner or later, I’m kind of surprised that it came up literally on the third line of the second chapter.

Hm, while Latias being embarrassed at having to share a bed with Ash is adorable. It’s to note that he is 10, and she is probably not any better in terms of age. Which, as I pointed out in the first review I made, is left very ambiguous and one can only guess as to what Latias’ physical, emotional and mental age is. If she’s closer to teens, I heavily doubt she’d get embarrassed at the prospect of sharing a bed with a 10-year-old. If she’s basically 10 years old too (in her own Legendary equivalent) then probably it’d be more of an elementary school kind of embarrassment rather than a crush-type of embarrassment. You’re rushing on the Altoshipping a bit, so just as a little note, keep track of their ages a bit better and take better note of what different ages means in terms of crushes and romances. Leaving it clear from the get go would do a long way in making this easier to follow and picture in one’s imagination as we’re reading, after all, drooling over a 10-year-old is probably not very healthy.

And we return to the inserted author comments via parenthesis. Only this time they’re in bold and thus have doubled in power! Lol. Well, I already mentioned this in my first review so I don’t really have much need to comment expansively on it again. But, just remember, this is generally bad and you should avoid it unless you’re writing a comedic fanfic.

Despite my earlier nitpicks in terms of the very loose ages you’ve established, I got to say, Ash and Latias are adorable to read. They’re such a heartwarming duo. I’m still having trouble gauging what Latias’ age is, but other than that, they make a really cute and amusing duo to read. Sometimes, your characterization writing can be very endearing, Mystical. You’re doing a pretty good job! So, I definitely commend on that to you! Just gotta polish some stuff and you’re definitely on to some awesomeness here.

Oh, so they just came across two sailors talking about a Pikachu. That’s it, Ash’s second Pokémon is definitely going to be Pikachu now. I’m both surprised and not surprised. The fact this story starts so far away from Alto Mare and takes such a different direction from what you’d normally expect told me right away it was highly unlikely that we’d get to see Pikachu. That’s why I’m surprised. But then, Pikachu is Pikachu and Ash is Ash. It’s so hard reading them without being together, so in that regard yeah, I’m not very surprised that Pikachu is actually going to be in this. Which, makes me happy because I love Pikachu as a character and Pokémon. You’ve officially made me happy, Mystical.

Well, that was kind of dark. Uh, I’m not sure about this, but that funeral joke may have been a bit out of hand. Remember, these are two fully grown adult men talking to what they perceive are a pair of 10-year-old kids. I don’t know, doesn’t feel like something that would be said to a kid. If they were to joke in a condescending way towards Ash, it’d probably have been something a bit more demeaning rather than straight up dark. Anyway! I mean, realistically, Ash and Latias could still go after Pikachu even if the two dudes say no. I mean, lol, if Ash goes what are they going to do about it or how are they going to stop him? Chase him down when he has a Legendary Psychic Dragon at his side? Tough luck dudes. Also, not sure Ash would be telling them their names excitedly after the two sailors dropped a joke like that. I’d have trouble trusting them.

Also, huh! Ash changed his name to Ash Fontana? Pretty interesting detail. However, I’m a bit conflicted about it. On one hand, I think it’s awesome! Because it shows how much Ash has grown attached to his new family in Bianca and Lorenzo, it’s so sweet and lovely and it’s something that would entirely make sense for it to happen. It’s a clear indicator that he has grown to love them, and that’s adorable. So, I totally approve in that line of thought and I like your decision, Mystical. On another hand, if Ash’s journey is about finding his mother and if he still has that attachment to cling to her, wouldn’t it make sense for him to keep Ketchum then? Changing his name to Fontana would mean he’s moved on from her, which, based on the goal of his journey, clearly shows he hasn’t.

Wait, Pikachu is already locked in a storage room? Wouldn’t that kinda imply he’s already contained and thus not being a danger anymore? And, thus, he couldn’t have escaped the sailors? Unless, of course, Pikachu escaped the sailors into the storage room and, in that case, the sailors don’t want to go anywhere inside of it. Though, thinking about it, you can’t never not enter the storage room in a lengthy cruise through the ocean, so I guess you have to deal with the stowaway Pikachu sooner or later. Well, considering the storage room is full of food I don’t think Pikachu will probably mind it one bit. Oh hey, Ash got Poké Balls for free! That’s pretty neat and handy.

Wow, Pikachu is really aggressive here! No negotiation, no truce, nada. Just straight up instant attack, insults, taunts and let’s rumble. Reminds me of the early Kanto days Pikachu that was a jerk, heh. Also, Latias should easily have this one. If its base Pikachu from the start of the anime then he’s a bit meek and there’s no way he can beat Latias. Granted, starting Latias is also very meek. But she’s a meek Dragon with very high Special Defense so she’s good. And, unsurprisingly, that was a very short battle with a one hit KO. Pretty much what I expected.

Something I should note, is that on top of Latias’ age being very ambiguous. Her power level and skill level have also been left very ambiguous, and beating up a starting Pikachu isn’t probably the best of indicators. You could have done a better deal of establishing Latias’ power level so us readers can visualize her properly. However, I do admit that this could be intentional and thus giving you a blank slate for you to build on over the course of your starting chapters and establish Latias to us in a slower and more detailed manner, which his perfectly fine and if that’s the case, I look forward to what you’re cooking up, Mystical.

Ash’s victory stances and mannerisms are positively adorable and catchy. Hm, so what’s next? I’m pretty sure Pikachu isn’t going to accept capture so easily and he’s gonna take some time to knock some sense into. Let’s see if I’m right… and wouldn’t you know it, I was right. That talk with Pikachu was interesting, helps establish Pikachu’s character a bit. He seems to be building up to having a trouble backstory in this that I’m sure will be eventually touched upon with greater detail. On another note, I could actually make some comments on the way you wrote Pikachu’s Pokémon speech, but I think that’s open enough to interpretation that it’s up to every author how they do it. So, all’s good! Nice to see Pikachu has joined Ash now though.

And I’m done here. Anyways, pretty cute chapter overall, Mystical! I liked it. Very endearing overall and meeting Pikachu was surely a joy. Don’t have much of a read on Pikachu’s personality yet so I’m very curious what direction you’re going to be taking him. Well, see you next chapter!

Cheers!

Hello, Mystical87! I bid you my warm greetings into the wonderful world of writing Pokémon FanFiction! I’m only just like a year late in reading and reviewing your work since you published your story, so… that’s a big oops on my part, hehe. But, hey! I’m here now, better late than never!

Well, to start, I gotta say, thank you so much for the really amazing and really kind shout out that you have for me in the opening Author Notes. That’s very kind of you! I’m very touched that you think so highly of me and that you enjoy my work to such a degree, and that my work and my server helped to motivate you to start this. It’s always a joy of mine to know that I’ve helped others pursue their own storytelling dreams and I’m always more than happy to lend a hand in any way I can so you can continue your work.

So, now, onto the actual story itself! Starting with the summary. Hmm, that’s an interesting concept you have going on here. So, the premise of the story is an Alto Mare-raised Ash? That’s good on paper, and not something I’ve actually seen executed elsewhere, so you have a pretty broad room for originality. The vast majority of stories that have Ash and Latias typically have Ash return to Alto Mare after the events of movie five, or start in the actual movie five itself. Here you’re clearly doing away with that. This is pretty neat and you’ve got yourself a good premise moving forward. Polish up the story, push forward with dedication and you’re onto something great here, Mystical87. Cheers for that!

Well, first of, and here’s just a minor nitpick on my part. You should have a clearer division between your ANs and where your actual story begins. Those Line Breaks that FanFiction offers are neat and do the job just fine. If you want to do something fancier, that works too. It’s not a major thing, but it does improve the aesthetic appeal of your story when you do it. Also, reading down the rest of the chapter (Added this line later on my read-through), you have several very abrupt scene breaks that are hard to spot easily. You may want to add something more than just a plain text indication to signify scene breaks so they stand out more. It looks cleaner that way.

Okay, now onto the chapter’s events. Hahaha, aw, young Ash is so adorable whenever I see him written. It’s also lovely to see that his enthusiasm for Pokémon will never change. He’s being taken to Alto Mare, and the first thing he’s concerned about is how many Pokémon he’s going to run into. Man, that’s so adorable! And, quite frankly, very true to his character. Ash, I agree with you. Alto Mare is indeed pretty cool.

Hmm, here I come to a second nitpick. When you’re writing something, you need to settle for a fixed verb tense to use during your prose and omniscient narration and keep going with it. In numerous sections of the story, you keep alternating between present tense verbs (seems, wants, yells, going, etc) and past tense verbs (asked, decided, wanted, etc). It’s not a big thing, but it’s something that will go a very long way in improving the quality of your story’s flow and how comfortable it is to read. And, on a second note. Don’t insert personal comments in your story (which you did via parenthesis). That’s generally bad because it really distracts and breaks a reader’s attention in your ongoing narrative. Remember, a fanfic has to pull the reader into your world and you don’t want anything breaking that concentration and immersion!

Anyway. Back to the story. Wow, Delia just straight up abandoned Ash? This is a new one on me. I mean, I’m pretty shocked about this one since Delia is traditionally viewed as such a loving figure. Man, this AU’s Delia is so different, pretty harsh and selfish if you ask me. Woah. Granted, you can actually argue ‘Is this really that different from the canon anime?’ since the canon anime essentially has a child of ten years of age be thrust into the unknown world while Delia remains at home doing who-knows what, and even so they only talk via videocall like, once a month it seems.

Well. In addition, there’s something about the specific way you elaborated for Delia to abandon Ash that breaks my heart. The fact that it also involved what’s essentially fooling/cheating on something Ash specifically loves just makes it come off even all the more painful. Yikes. Well, if this version of Ash turns out to be successful then you can easily set up a lot of potential plot conflicts and plot points with Delia due to her actions, especially since she’s going to become a trainer. Which, considering her drive she’s probably going to be a pretty powerful, if very messed up, trainer. If she’s willing to abandon her child for the sake of training, I totally view this version of Delia as a female Paul. Man, let me tell you, Myst, you have such a cauldron of potentially very spicy plot elements boiling up here if you take advantage of it to its fullest.

So we switch to an unknown POV here. I am almost certain that we’re on Latias’ POV now. Oh wait, the POV is walking and thinking of painting. Probably Bianca then. Oops. By the way, very lucky Ash. Of all the people in the city of Alto Mare that could find him, it’s Bianca who finds him. That’s pretty lucky, because imagine if Ash ended with a random nothing-special person and boom, boring life for the rest of his life. Lol. At least, this means he gets to meet Latias and Latios! I’m actually very curious where this is going. This journey is going to be really long right? Also, there’s something about the way you described Ash’s position and the way he was holding the cap while crying that made a pang of sadness stir in my chest. Man, Delia, you’re heartless in this fic. Ash gave me a mini-broken Heart in just a quick description because of you.

‘Ash, who names a kid Ash’ – Bianca, who names a kid Ash? Well, the type of heartless woman that abandons him in a city he doesn’t know, in a dark alley, to his fate. That’s the kind of woman that’d name a kid ‘Ash’. Got it? Also, would Ash and Bianca really get stares? I mean, there’s nothing outstanding in it. But, I’ll buy it, Ash is probably a mess and people may be giving Bianca “WTF” stares over it. Could be her age, too.

Fontana? Bianca’s last name is Fontana here? May I ask, why? What’s your inspiration or reasoning to give her that last name? I think it’s pretty good, actually! I like it. It’s got a… really powerful and strong ring to it. Makes me think like she’s gonna grow into someone powerful and important. I think it’s really good. So, I’m curious to know where the last name came from. Also, pretty sure Bianca is canonically an orphan. It’s a big maybe, but you’ve got a ton of room to wiggle on that topic. Assuming you go that route, she’d probably understand Ash pretty well.

Yep, now that’s Latias for sure. Also, I notice right away that you added the differentiation with the eye tone. That’s a cute and neat detail. Also, Latias knows telepathy from the get-go here? That’s a handy thing, and it’ll definitely allow you to give her a deeper characterization far faster than you would otherwise if you didn’t add telepathy to her rather limited pool of canon abilities by the time the movie rolls around.

Oh hey, Time skip. Fun! It’s only two years though. So I’m pretty sure we’re going to be seeing another time skip this chapter or at the beginning of next chapter. I’m kinda curious how Ash has developed in the two years he’s lived with Bianca and Lorenzo. Also, what Age is Bianca? You kinda left this ambiguous. I’m picturing her around 12-14. So that by the time Ash is ten and the movie time hits, she’s 17-19, which would be a fitting age group for her to have in the events of the movie based entirely on her body and attitude.

Oooh, wait. Ash doesn’t know about Latias or Latios? Huh, interesting. I didn’t see that one coming, I thought that after Latias barged into when Lorenzo and Bianca were meeting Ash, that she’d be introduced to him. Seems like I was wrong. In any case, that means I’m fairly certain that the ‘surprise’ that Bianca and Lorenzo are talking about is definitely going to be an introduction to Latias, and maybe Latios. Though, this seems rather complex once you add this sign language excuse, but I’ll buy it for now. Trust me, you don’t need much to deceive a five/seven year old xD.

Hmm, would Latias actually crush about Ash this early on, though? Ash is seven. There isn’t much to crush on him yet, he’s basically a toddler. May want to hold off on the Altoshipping at least until Ash starts developing a bit more properly. Granted, I could be reading this the wrong way and this could be maybe just implied as a funny/joke thing that Bianca and Latias have going on between them, and if that’s the case then I will stand corrected. Granted, Latias could be extremely young herself so it’s like an elementary school crush, but I can’t be too sure. Curiously, where’s Latios in all of this?

Indeed. Ash getting up anywhere before mid-day would totally be considered worthy of an apocalypse. Ash must always sleep in as late as possible for the order of nature and the universe to be preserved. Man, this made me laugh a bit more than it should. Okay, that “Ash hugged his family hoping they wouldn’t go away either” is for some reason very sad and heartbreaking. Just how traumatized is Ash? Okay. This is really sad. Props on for writing that bit, it’s a good emotional beat to remind us readers just what Ash has gone through. Ouch.

Ash being chivalrous and trying to win a Latios plushie for Tia is actually very adorable. Though, cheat! Cheat! I call foul play! She clearly cheated on this one! Still, very adorable scene here that made me smile. Your writing can be very endearing when you try, Mystical. So, props to that! Oh hey, we’re going to the Secret Garden now! And Latios has been officially added into the mix. I was wondering where he was. Also, Ash’s engaging drive to explore is adorable. Don’t touch the Soul Dew, though! That’s dangerous.

Aha! I knew it! The surprise was going to be him meeting Latios and Latias! I’m quite curious how this scene is going to go. Aw, Ash’s inability to understand Latias’ transformation was kind of charming. He’s so adorably innocent. But, hey! Nothing that one wouldn’t expect from a 7 year old. Pretty nice, by the way! I like how the scene played out. Moreover, we get to meet Latios now as well, nice. You kinda cut it a bit too short though, I think you had material to flesh out the scene a bit more than what you have currently. But, I understand. Word constraints. All’s good.

There we go, knew that there’d be another time skip sooner or later. And it’s a three year time skip. Therefore, that means we’re going straight into 10 year old Ash now. Good! So, that means I’ll finally get to see a firm inkling as to where your story is heading now that it’s time for Ash to make the oh so important decisions 10 year olds are thrust into on the Pokémon world.

Oh, interesting. So, Ash’s journey is going to be primarily to find his mom? Hm, I’m really curious how that’s gonna work out. That was a really fast flashback, too. But, it’s good. May have wanted to more properly set up, denote and lead up to it, but it’s good as it is. I’m curious how this flashback scene factored in greater length into Latias and Latios’ relationship. If Latias does travel that means she’s definitely going to get to train. Wonder if that’ll make her end up being stronger than Latios is, though. Food for thought?

Holy… lol, your “think the SS Anne but this ship won’t sink” comment almost made me burst out laughing. Okay, you got me there. I’m still very much against Author comments in the middle of stories, so shame on you for that! However, I’m gonna admit this clever insert really made me laugh. Oh wow. That’s dark humor man, that’s straight up that. Well played, Mystical. Very much well played.

So, Ash has departed Alto Mare! Bye Bye lovely city! I guess this means that Latias is officially his starter Pokémon? Pretty interesting. Gonna be a bit hard to read Ash without Pikachu but I’m sure you can make this work out, Mystical. Pretty interested and curious where you’re taking this idea next.

“GEEEZ THAT WAS A LONG CHAPTER” – What about my Review?

On my ending note, some general error corrections: You’ve got a spelling and grammatical mistakes over the course of your chapter, like missing letters or easily confused words. Nothing too big, and it’s something that a good beta-reader can help you clean up if you get one. But, you may want to revise that. You’re also missing a few commas, capitalizations and conjunctions in many instances, but that’s nothing too big that disturbs the reading sequence but still something worth checking. You may also want to check your sentence structuring a bit, it could use some cleaning and work. A lot of your sentences flow too fast, you basically cram too many actions in them without any sort of pause or distinction. So, may want to be a bit more careful on that. Again, nothing a beta-reader can’t help you out with.

I probably won’t point out any of my nitpicks on following chapters should they repeat since it’ll be largely redundant, and if you check them up for this chapter then odds are you’re going to be doing so for the following ones either. So, there’s that. Be sure to keep that in mind!

I’m done with chapter one! Pretty quick and enjoyable read, Mystical. So thank you for that! I’ll be reading and reviewing chapter two in a bit, so, see you there!

Really good hope you update soon

I hope you will be back on your feet soon. Good luck.

Why am I hearing the voice of Ryan Reynolds when I read the dialogue for Pikachu? I don't even like Deadpool.

It's not an Ash story without Pikachu.

How Delia left Ash, were you inspired by how Billy was abandoned in SHAZAM? It's very similar.

It is fine you should take a break if you feel you have to if we asked you to publish when you were feeling like this then we would be slave drivers in a sense as we would not let you rest until you had finished writing all we wanted and as such the story itself will suffer so take a break get back on track and then come back to this story when you are ready!

Healt first

Hey Mystical87, it is ok, this story is great but if you need a break, I am willing to wait. get well soon. have a great rest of your summer.

No need to worry, the mental health of ANYONE should take priority over writing a story. Take as much time as you need and those who truly enjoy your work will understand and wait for you.