Your Feedback/Grading for Assignment #6

Examiner: Angel

Grade: 19/20 - O (Outstanding)

Feedback: "Wow, you've blown me away. Never did I think about this pairing, nor had I thought about doing something like this in the time-frame that you did. It was a really good idea that I think that you did a good job with. While we don't know too much from Michael and Padma, I think they're fleshed out enough in this fic for me to believe that they would work like this. I also believe you gave me some really good descriptions to have the image stay in my mind as I read. It was truly heartbreaking getting to that end, but it was worth it. I even like the scene that Michael chose to save his love. It was heroic and sweet. Interactions were realistic enough for me to see them happening on a television screen in front of me, so good work. I haven't read a fic like yours, and you really set the bar with that ending. I didn't expect it! Definitely deserving of full marks on Originality. Flow throughout the fic was generally smooth in the separate sections, but the shifts became a little choppy moving from each scene. That and the all caps on some words made the flow a little jarring in my mind. Nonetheless, it didn't shake the fic as a whole. The task was completed and the prompt was used. Padma wasn't just a side character in this, and I'm happy that she was utilized the way she was. It was really good. The plot itself is woven strong with the details you provided. I didn't spot any holes or anything that would unravel what you've set up. I think that it was paced in a good, steady reading rhythm, and once I reached the ending, it was complete. It has a little bit of cuteness and heartbreak that I think that a general audience would read and find enjoyable. Not sure about the pairing (though I am curious myself), but I know it won't be disappointing. You have a few minor errors with punctuation and capitalization, but not enough to the point to completely distract me from the story itself. The story is within the word count range, and the necessary information was provided in your note. A very moving piece, Viola. Bravo!"

I loved Michael's turn from completely spineless to a knight in shining armour. The ending shocked me! (But in a good way) Nice story!

This was brilliant! I had never once before read anything about that pairing, and I don't regret in the least having read this!

I loved your descriptions of Padma and Michael, they seemed very In Character (from what we know about them). The feelings of each character were described perfectly. I really felt sad for Padma and Michael all along, because neither of them were cowards in the end and they thought they were.

I also do love the references to the song (I'm sorry I didn't say you couldn't use the lyricsI actually didn't know about this rule and I will therefore change the rules of all my challenges). In the first part, it does seem like Michael (and Padma, to a lesser extent) are battling their feelings, and in the last part...

Well, the last part made me cry my eyes out! I really loved the use of the quote "When all is said and done...", it really fit into the story. And Padma's reaction to Michael's sacrifice... Her last words to him broke my heart. And I have yet to decide if Michael did hear her and if his breathing became even more laboured because he had wanted to respond to her.

There were a few grammar mistakes, and a few sentences did seem incomplete (although they were actually finished in the next sentence), but really, those few mistakes didn't take away from the beauty of the text, in my opinion.

I really enjoyed this, and I hope you will write more HP stories soon!

The story is good, but since it has the copied lyrics of Lupe Fiasco's "Battle Scars", it breaks the following part of the Content Guidelines:

Actions not allowed:
3. Copying from a previously published work (including musical lyrics) not in the public domain.

Please remove all of the copied lyrics from your story because the owners of this site have no legal permission from the songwriters.

And in case you're wondering when and why that rule is made, here is the background information. Back on April 27, 2005, the admins put this message on the front page regarding songfics:

In addition, [this site] would like to address a growing problem. For whatever reason, some writers feel it's okay to copy-n-paste musical lyrics they have not written into their fiction. If you did not write it, do not post it. This has always been our policy. Please remove these entries immediately to avoid account closure.

Keep in mind that "public domain" means something that has expired copyrights, like Shakespearean works. And disclaimers don't cut it for song lyrics. Not even changing a few words from the original song will be enough.