Im not gonna lie but i think you should abandon the kaguya power in naruto and just keep him as ashura's reincarnation and make sasuke his other 'half' as he's indra's reincarnation

Ok first off, I'd like to say that I'm a supporter of the LGBTQ community but the last thing i want to read about is members of the same sex screwing each other. My sister is bi so yeah, I'd have to hate her if I hated people like that, but again, I find the scenario highly uncomfortable.

So if you have a lemon I PERSONALLY would appreciate not just a heads up about there being a lemon. But whether the lemon contains same sex... sex, or however you want to pronounce it so I can decide whether or not to skip it.

Again, nothing personal, just a personal preference. Now then, onto more plot driven criticism. Glaring plothole, between Madara and Tobirama, you mentioned in an earlier chapter how the reason Madara hadn't returned to Konoha previously was because of Tobirama and his bias dislike of the uchiha clan.

Another weak point in the plot. I can understand Madara being surprised at hashirama being alive, but in an earlier chapter Madara acted surprised even after already knowing about it. So the whole scene felt fairly forced. It also vaguely hinted at Madars being involved in fowlplay.

You also haven't touched up on why Madara is still alive after all this time. Something that everyone would have liked to address sometime near his reveal. You also hadn't introduced Zetsu yet even though he was mentioned in the same context as madara when you were first introducing him but have yet to add any more info on him and how he is still connected to madara.

The timel8ne also feels a little flimsy, meaning the space in between certain events feel like they don't exactly fit in with what was previously mentioned. You've brought to our attention some characters that have had no relevance to the story so far, so the whole thing seems kind of, well, for lack of a better word, ramshackled.

It's far from the worst plot I've ever read, not the worst in execution either. But it all could have been done MUCH better than it was.

In a nutshell? You need to spend more time character building than plot building, because the plot is going so far away and certain characters are acting way out of character. Take Kaguya for example, she is very unrefined for someone who was hailed as a goddess and acted much like a princess. Dignified, refined and confident. She lacks refinement and dignity in this fic. Insults hidden with a bunch of wordplay would be how I see her handing out justice against minato and kushina.

Mito was always portrayed much a similar way, but has her moments of being a tomboy. The female characters all seem to have the same personality is what I'm getting at.

For example, instead of blowing up the front of that shop several chapters ago, Kaguya could have gery easily froze her assailant using her remarkable control over ice. Or simply hit him with her dead-bone pulse bloodline and turned the guy to ash when he continued showing hostility.

The men are only a little better.

Another thing this story lacks is depth. Clans have their own customs, rules and consequences when those rules are broken. In my own humble opinion you could have done something unique and made the uzumaki red hair a huge part of their culture. With how often uzumaki red hair is associated with the red threads of fate in Japanese lore you could have been clever and had her shave her hair as a sign of cutting ties with uzumaki.

You could go so far as to say Uzumaki only cut their hair as a sign of committing an offense against the clan as a whole, to have it completely shaved off would imply an act of offense against the old laws created during the clan's birth.

The Uchiha, masters of the fire element, famed for their doujutsu. Ounishments for this clan could revolve around their visual sight. They could be forced to activate their eyes to record a particularly cruel image pending on the crime, temporary or permanent sealing of their sharingan, or for extreme cases complete removal of the eyes if the situation demands such a price along with banishment from the clan as a whole.

There is so much depth that could fill in a lot of holes in this story without having to jump back and forth between punishments. It just gets ridiculous when the same characters are bashed over and over again without them learning anything. I can see minato and kushina stubbornly clinging to the toad prophecy, but with ABSOLUTELY no doubt whatsoever? Yeah, NO.

It just feels like their being toyed with. Which while entertaining at first can get old fast if it's done too often. Which I'm fairly certain you've done. There isn't enough time spaced out between punishments for Minato and Kushina for us to build up anticipation for. That is the key figure, anticipation, to anticipate a punishment so much that when it happens it's legendary in application even if it isn't original.

You need to learn to build anticipation in an audience, how to create depth in a story and how to properly structure everything in between. But the most important thing which you only somewhat succeeded with was planting a sturdy foundation for the fic itself to rest on and build off of.

It feels like your still building the foundation, which SHOULD have either been finished off a while ago, or Minato and Kushina's return being delayed until the specified time to give you the room to finish polishing the foundation. You rushed the story so now it feels like it's falling apart at the seams.

Hashirama hiding his identity for as long as he did, why? What was the point of it? It served no purpose other than to copy an idea another author made using a similar concept. But it didn't contribute to the plot, it just briefly confused the characters which didn't last very long. So it felt very unnecessary.

I'm not attacking you, but I'm just pointing out all the things that didn't feel quite right.

This is one of them, madara being alive but 'the masked man' still being part of the equation? That particular information felt like it came in 20 chapters too early.

Another thing, why is madara here? How is he contributing to the plot? What are his goals? What's his drive to do the things he does? Why did he only return to konoha NOW? All of these are important questions that could potentially impact the plot in huge ways. Why did he make Sasuke an apprentice so soon? Being a student of madara is one thing, but being an apprentice? That means he intends to pass on his legacy to sasuke. Something very drastic and unwarranted even though sasuke stumbled upon Madara's signature technique and managed to perform it.

This review has drawn on long enough, I'll cut it here. Just take into consideration what I've said. Theres a lot of ways this could be better. There's also a lot of ways this could be worse. Stick out your chin, experiment a little, maybe even soul search if your the soulful type and look at the story you have now, then compare it with the story you want to make. Does it match up with your vision? Never look at your fic and think 'this is good enough, NO! Enough is NEVER enough! Do it until you believe your well and truly satisfied with your work. Look at it and say, 'OK, this portrays EXACTLY what I want it to' then confidently say 'it's done!'. Then post that sucker when you believe it's done, not a moment sooner. Even if you've given yourself a deadline to completion. No one likes a half baked story! Certainly not me, I highly doubt you would either.

I can't confidently say I enjoyed the fic more than I enjoyed the vision. But if you like stories with loads of potential I can say this is one of them. To all readers out there, this story could go for an overhaul, but the writer could go for some genuine encouragement. So give it to him so he can pump out more chapters.

Great story! Hope you continue

Wow! This story still keeps getting better.

Lmao pairing a little boy with a old ass goddess

It's great to see a new chapter. I hope you're doing well. I really want to see what happens next. Looking forward to the next chapter. Keep up the great work boss!

Bon chapitre, fait des bon dans le temps pour avancer cette histoire sinon j'espère que minato kushina vont payer sans nesserment mourir.

Merci pour le chapitre

- I didn't expect that Madara and Tobirama would have that kind of relationship.

Schönes Kapitel.
Bitte weiter Schreiben.

Gruß aus Deutschland

Yeay... Been waiting for an update.. Thank you

This is quite honestly painful to read. I like the idea And the creativity but the dialogue is so awkward.

Great job. Your story has always kept my interest. If i may suggest. Let kushina be forgiven by naruto but thats,it. Reason being is there was a seal or something,controling her actions against her will and no one caught it not even the death goddess. I think the stoey will be more intereating that way. If not thats ok too because it is very interesting as is

very interesting chapter I look forward to what happens next

this is so hard to read and cringy! like god damn.