Hi,
While the first chapter is leaps and bounds better than the original, I still notice a few mistakes you're making. Most of it is fluctuation between not enough detail and too much detail, like the description of the MC. It kind of ran on long and effected readability. I'd recommend using ProWritingAid or Grammarly when you're proofreading.
Good luck!

Glade to see this story is getting updated again, looking forward for more in the future.

Thanks for the chapter! If was great, cheers!

I honestly keep being surprised at how much awful ideology reveals itself in reviews (and, on occasion, in stories) on this site, sorry you've had to wade through some of it.

Honestly I loved this chapter. It had some interesting twists and references, you're good at tying in elements from both Bioshock and the ME-verse as well as keeping track of your own story (the reunion with Nelyna was a nice touch).

If you thought that was pro-white ... I can only shake my head and disagree with your points. Thank you for your passion, but I will decline your offer. Best of luck in your future endeavors.

BLM & ACAB

Been a while since I was in the mental space needed to sit down and read. This was a good one, though quite dense :)

One minor niggle, the bit about Niket; part of the storyline in ME2 suggests Niket didn't know about Oriana until a short time before those events (specifically the bit where he justifies his actions to Miranda, right before Enyala kills him). So he can't have helped her move Oriana before.

Other than that, I like. Also, interesting book selection in that wooden box :)

This has been an amazing read and i loved the references

mm dont like the mc telling about his powers, but it can be justified by saying that he got no interactions with other people in rapture

Hahaha the last line was amazing

nice

i'm do not mind that the update schedule is irregular, i'm mostly just glad this story continues.

also i really hope he goes through with he's promise of finding Miranda's sister.
that would be an interesting turn from the norm.

Nice to see this return :)

nice, it updated.
i'd honestly forgotten about this one.

A better version of the original? I’m down. Looking forward to more!

Great work so far just finished bingeing the first two and I am liking where this rewrite is going hope to see more of your work soon