I almost lost it. That was amazing. I realized as you mentioned the clothes in the closet. Wow. After everything they survived...
Phenomenal composition.
Thanks for sharing,
~Rednax

Aslan. Asla-

Oh wow. Deep. Fantastically done...

This is so so sad T.T

Oh my heart is aching. Know any story where susan goes back to narnia? I'm in desperate need of one of those

Oh, Susan! Dear Susan! This hurts, so bad; your writing and repetition are so very poignant and powerful. I can feel Susan's aching loneliness, almost, and the conclusion she come to a the end just tore my heart out. This was amazing.

-Aila

Ah, this made my heart ache. Wonderful.

I wish I had words to describe how touching, how heartbreaking this story really is. Everyone did get a satisfying ending except Su. I wonder if her ending would have been too horrible to write...

This was an amazing story. I loved the repetition of who discovered Narnia first, it made it seem almost like a nursery rhyme or something. Vulnerable.

One thing I do have to say is that when you have repetition like "very very long time," it is prudent to put a comma between the two words just to let your audience know that the repeated word was deliberately placed. So "very (,) very long time."

This was great. Again, I cannot tell you how much I liked this exploration of Susan's character and how she really had to look back at her life when her siblings died.

Thanks for writing.
95

Oh, I love this. As much as I want Susan to be redeemed and for her to join her siblings in Narnia- as much as I love fic that does just that- this is, quite frankly, much more realistic. I love how she /tries/ to believe in Narnia, that forgetting it is not a concious decision for her. It's interesting seeing the way that the fake memories took over the real, and I love how desperate she is to believe, because that means that she hasn't lost her family forever. The writing is lovely and lyrical, and overall, I just adored this. Poor Susan.

Poor Susan.

I really like your Susan. Even though I want her to really believe in Narnia and gain her 'redemption', it's hard to write her as... 'loyal' to her memories as her siblings.

The repetitions also took me into the spiral of Susan's madness, and I found that the lines "they are not real, the way that wardrobes are real, or being grown up is real, or train accidents are real" were truly beautiful - and sad, too.

This is so beautiful and so sad. I love the dreamlike, desperate quality it has. It is written in a voice that is very true to the books, as well.

The second-to-last paragraph is my favorite part of the whole thing - it is so heartbreakingly sad.

I love this story so much, I have it printed out. I've read it many, many times already and - I just want to thank you for writing it, really.

Sometimes it gives me goosebumps, sometimes it makes me want to cry.

It's just brilliant.

So, thank you.

Poor Susan... I always thought it must have been rathe hellish for her...

You know, the thing about Narnia is; it's entirely built on faith. That's why Lucy was the most adjusted, and somehow everything went right for her, because she had unwavering faith. I think out of all the characters she never once questioned it. As for Susan, well...she lost it (and I never really liked her for it, infact for some reason I never really liked Susan much) but this was brilliantly emotive and I think maybe I have started to like her a little. I loved how she tries to remember the details and the repeated lines (which are lovely) and how it's not REAL. It may once have been, but nothing *stays* that real, and poor Susan, just left with memories. Oh God, this was so, so good!

Poor susan! Too bad she couldn't go back, she really needed it! :)