NUUUUUU WHY FEM VALI

MORE!
This is so good!

interesting concept, but you're writing could use some work. Don't let that discourage you though for a first story this is actually pretty good. You have some pretty common grammar/word choice issues, and the dialogue is what I usually describe as flat. It doesn't really make me feel invested in the story instead it mostly just pushes the plot along.

I'd also caution against 'the protagonist is perfect syndrome. You don't have a full blown case on your hands here, but beating the chess prodigy at chess, is good at magic and fighting without an on screen training arc, is diplomatic/polite, and you tossed his two biggest character flaws of being an idiot and a pervert. one of my biggest rules is that no character should ever be perfect. it's a hard lesson to fully incorporate but it makes a notable difference in story quality.

Don't let this review get you down. I really only mean it as constructive criticism and for a first fic this is solid. Writing organic dialogue is something that really only comes with time and practice. And while the protagonist has lost his character flaws (honestly good call, I can't stand him as he was in canon) he isn't godly powerful with the girls all instantly hanging off of him which is already significantly better than most DxD fics.

CAN'T WAIT FOR MORE CHAPTERS

Never read the other one, so this is new for me, i was never a fan of MGLN(that's it right?) but this seems interesting. Despite its grammar problems, I'm going to try and keep reading. Sadly every missing word or poorly structured sentence( which i have no room to complain about as my grammar is horrible, one reason i don't write) makes staying involved in the story difficult. When i have to stop reading to puzzle out a sentence, or because the missing word is painfully obvious, I lose a little interest.

That said i do thank you for writing and sharing with us.

The power of Sacred Gears puts the magic of Nanoha’s series to shame since if you read Dxd it was created by the Biblical God.

The Gears surpass anything in Nanoha because the creator is omniscient the technology of Nanoha is only above the Devils or the other Factions, and the military of these Factions are stronger than them.

interesting story so far. Can't wait for more.

Will you introduce Gasper next chapter?

Are you still hellbent to write a non harem fic? I think it would be better with a small harem though.

Canon Raynare was kind of One-Dimensional and 'Too Dumb To live'. She greatly overestimated herself when she is a low-Class Fallen and underestimated her opponents, not to mention that she believed that Azazel would have wanted her to kill Issei when she knows that he loves Sacred Gears and that killing him would allow the Devils to resurrect him. I prefer OOC Raynare. Your version is smart. Canon Raynare supposedly fought in the Great War which makes me wonder just HOW did she survive while being so weak and gullible.

What Idiot believes that KOKABIEL is Azazel's most trusted man when it is clearly Baraquiel.

waiting it for long time...

I completely understand
Will look forward to that new chapter

Like this story a lot very good take on dxd and magical lyrical nanoha

While your writing is overall fine, and the characters are at kesst mostly in character, you really, really need to stop inserting random japanese. Yeah, i get that the characters are theoretically speaking Japanese. But you are writing in English, and seeing things like "Aibou" or "kaa-san/tou-san" throws me out of what I'm reading.

The only time you should use Japanese words is when that word doesnt have a real translation. Like honorifics and words like the various 'deres