Yo hey wanna colab?

You know, Jay, I DO see progression in your writing. It’s a short chapter, but it’s still good. And I know that feeling of cliffhangers, since I would do a couple myself if I wanted to. :p

Keep on writing, Jay! You’ll get better as ya keep going! Stay Fresh! :D

Wow, ain’t this surprising. Nice little surprise that I didn’t even expect.

Also, TEAM CHAOS. May the best team win.

Jsyn , I drew the cover picture and worked long and hard on it. I’m not too good at drawing, so I’m very proud of it.

Cool, so we have a flashback sort of story with Octave fighting his way out of the Deepsea Metro, it appears. I like how you describe the stuff around the narrator and build up the world around him. I would love even MORE of it, though. Especially physical descriptions of how everything looks and even the occasional sensory detail (sound, smell, temperature, non-visual junk).

Again, try to break your story up into paragraphs. New locations, ideas, speakers, and passage of time all warrant a new line. That will make your story look more like a proper work of fiction and less like a wall of text.

Hey CephalaParty!

I'm curious as to how Octave and Via play into everything, especially since this is called a D3adf1sh story. Your dialogue is good, too, but really hard to read! As a rule of thumb, whenever there's a new speaker, you should indent to a newline.

"Kind of like this!" I say, pretending to be someone else. But this is just me again.

Now let's talk about location. Whenever you change scenes or move onto a new idea, like I am now, you should also make a new paragraph. This organizes your story thought-by-thought, making the general flow of things easier to follow. Check out some real novels, too, for reference.