Hello!

Your basic story idea, as is often the case with any story, is intriguing: What if Peter had accepted Tony's offer to formally join the Avengers? What if Gwen Stacy had been thrown into the mix? Peter wanting to impress his friends with a tour of Avengers Tower sounds exactly like something that MCU Peter would attempt to orchestrate. I'm not totally sure if Tony or Aunt May would just go along with such a scheme, but it's not infeasible, depending on just how it was set up.

Your grasp on spelling, grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure is, for the most part, competent. That's a lot better than a lot of writers on this site. Good. My only suggestion is that you remember to capitalize proper nouns like "the Vulture" and "Stark Tower." Also, Peter's alter ego is spelled "Spider-Man," not "spiderman." Other than that, you do a decent job in this regard.

Now it's time to move on to a new level of writing. In this case, that means listing some spots where things went wrong:

1.) You start the story with an info-dump. Info-dumping is where a huge block of exposition is deposited into the story as if it were cut-and-pasted from an encyclopedia. It's important to make sure that the reader is informed about certain things, but there are good and bad ways of doing so. Info-dumping belongs to the latter category.

A better way to deal with this issue is to reveal such details through character and dialogue. Maybe you could be indicating that Gwen and Peter are dating via Flash's incredulity about Peter being able to acquire such a girlfriend. Maybe MJ is secretly jealous of Gwen. Maybe such a smattering of dialogue leads into a short explanation via narration of how Peter first met Gwen, where it could be passingly mentioned that she is stepping into Liz's open classroom seat. Or maybe you could try something else. Work on that.

2.) Speaking of dialogue (no pun intended), yours is quite stilted. Flash, for example, doesn't sound like Flash. He doesn't sound like anyone. If anything, he sounds exactly like the narrator, like he and the narrator have one and the same personality. Dialogue can be very tricky, and the only way to get better at it is to practice. One method I use is to imagine the character's voice in my head, and try to imagine the character saying the things I write. I grew up listening to a lot of radio dramas, which are big on dialogue, so that's my explanation. My method may or may not work for you, but I know that a lot of writing and a lot of reading can get you to a much better place.

3.) Another thing I’ve noticed is that you tend to provide basic information about the characters that should already be obvious. A hard-core MCU fan of the kind that reads this sort of fiction would already know that Flash is the high school bully, for instance. This is an area where less is more, and is actually an advantage when writing fan-fiction. What I mean is that all of the characters and settings are already established and fleshed out via the source material. All you have to do is to place them in a different kind of plot and make logical expansions on what’s been provided as needed. The result is that less is more, and justifiably so. You don’t need to write as much exposition because everything about the characters is already known to the reader.

4.) Out-of-character (OOC) content is always a challenge for any fan-fic writer, but it’s worth mentioning here anyway. Near the end of the story, you have Hawkeye beat up Flash. That… that is something that Hawkeye would never, ever do. Hawkeye is a mature, responsible adult with kids of his own. He already commands respect via his in-universe reputation alone. The minute he walks into the room and asks, say, “Something the matter here?” is the same moment where Flash completely shuts up, before probably going all fanboy on Hawkeye anyway. I’d love to read a story which features Hawkeye dealing with that kind of problem.

5.) My final critique is easily the most important: Your story has no conflict. Well, I suppose it does, but it has a very weak conflict. By “conflict,” I don’t mean “fighting.” It’s a common misconception which has dogged countless writers (including me) in their early years, but this is yet another thing that ought to be explained. By “conflict,” I mean the process of how the story’s protagonist (Peter) tries to accomplish a goal (impress his friends via a tour of Avengers Tower), but must overcome some kind of obstacle which is preventing him from achieving that goal. In this case, the only thing remotely resembling an obstacle is Flash’s jeering, and that’s not so much an obstacle as it is very annoying set-dressing, both to Peter and to the reader.

Now, suppose something went wrong with Peter’s appropriately silly, childish scheme? Perhaps Happy was sick and couldn’t come to guide the tour. Perhaps the group got stuck in the elevator. Perhaps the Prowler decided to conduct a daring daylight robbery on Avengers Tower and Peter and company got caught in the middle in their civilian clothes. Or perhaps it’s something else entirely, anything which prevents Peter from accomplishing his goal.

As a side note, Peter’s ability to achieve or not to achieve that goal will depend on whether he will be able to overcome the fatal personality flaw which all characters in a work of fiction must have. His success or failure in overcoming that fatal flaw (in this case, pettiness and emotional cowardice) will dictate his success or failure in achieving his objective. Work on that.

I wish you the very best, and encourage you to keep writing and to keep reading. Do enough of both, and you’ll at least be on the right track. :-)

Cheers,

JPF

NOICE

I love this! 3
I can only picture Mr Hudson as Stan Lee to be honest! lol
Great work, author!

I enjoyed it

Amazing story

Yeah the title is good, simple, to the point. It comes as a top search when one is looking for field trip one shots on google

THIS IS AMAZING

i want to use your story in a story with fieldtrip oneshot with spiderman on wattpad, i will give you credit at the start, end and in the title, i was wondering if i can be allowed to do that?

LOL! Flash so deserved it all!