It's been a while. I hope to see more down the road.

can't wait for more

Oh boy this is going to be a long one so strap in.

First of all, need to say this story isn’t long enough for me to be sure I undeserstand what you’re trying to say. It also doesn’t help that I doubt you have a beta reader, and Mahouka’s magic system is the second most complicated magic system I know of, the first being Nasuverse. Of course if you go by actual English translations of rules it beats Nasu.

As I understand Psions, they don’t exist ouside of human thought. Same goes for pushions. This means your ‘solar battery’ can’t pull from ambient psions because they don’t exist.

Do you remember in the anime how when Miyuki released Tatsuya’s power everyone was shocked? That’s because Tatsuya released enough psions magicians could feel it. That’s the level of psions required to cast gram demolition. Even if you could make a ‘solar battery’ which isn’t possible for another reason I’ll get into in a minute, it would take days if not weeks to store enough psions for a shot, differing based on the number of magicians nearby. Remember that HUMANS are the source of Psions, not something found in nature.

As for storing psions, that’s a major plot point in the Yokohama disturbance arc. Tatsuya’ step mother showed him the relic that could store magic sequences, which is essentially what your battery does just less so, and wanted him to replicate it. He tells her that he can’t.

You have him making the battery from scratch, before he’s had much of an education, without an example to learn from. I know I forgot something while I was typing this but I’m going to move on.

As an idea I like the premise. You don’t need to justify why someone was enough of an idiot to rob the Yotsuba, even if for a variety of reasons it’s highly unrealistic. This is fan fiction, have fun with it! It’s an excellent avenue to explore and I support this story fully.

That said there are a couple of pitfalls I see coming.

First of all, as you have it Tatsuya will not be able to cast anything besides ‘Regrowth’ and ‘Decomposition’. This means he will not be able to attend any form of standardized education without handwaving. No first high attendance.

Next pitfall is Miyuki. Currently she doesn’t know he exists/doesn’t care. Okinawa incident hasn’t happened, and I’m not even sure they’ve been introduced this early. So please, no bro con for no reason.

Third to bat: maya. It’s strongly hinted at that Maya dies due to overuse of her magic, something she does to herself in a twisted form of penance for what she did to Tatsuya. As that doesn’t happpen you need a plan for what happens instead. Plenty of options here, I just hope you don’t decide to ignore the butterfly.

I saw a review asking you not to make Tatsuya to emotional, but I thought that was the entire point of removing him from the Yotsuba. Minor complaint, feel free to ignore it.

The locking method used to seal tatsuya’s power is caused by another Yotsuba clan member’s unique magic. Specifically ‘Tsukuba Touka’ if you want to look her up.

Sorry if this seems like I’m ranting, I decided to pop open the newest mahouka fanfic and cover everything that came to mind when I read it, this was the result. I do think this story has potential, no matter the plot holes, and I will be fav/following it. Keep up the good work, and don’t let the nags get to you.

This is fanfiction, not New York Times bestsellers.

Thanks for posting! Feel free to PM me if you have questions on mahouka lore, I spent waaayy to much time puzzling through wikis and forums figuring this stuff out for fun. Still not sure I get everything right, but that’s what makes it fun.

:)

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Love it, but I'm not sure about what a Tatsuya with powerful emotions be like... I wonder if the 101 already knows about his special spells. Looking forward to more!

This is really good!

aw...Tatsuya is trying to prove himself XD

Glad you'll atleast try to not make him too emotion. Some writers don't even do that. Hope you continue soon

Interesting, keep it up.

I'm all for this but, I hope you dont make Tatsuya too emotional. Other than that, I'm looking forward to where this goes.

This is a very interesting premise. Hope you can update soon.

Interesting... Please continue!

You know what the Yotsuba has done when someone kidnapped one of them, right? Tatsuya is loved by Maya the fucking Head of the Clan and the strongest Magican in her Era, nobody would be DUMB enough to kidnapp and the chance to have sucess is 0,0000000000000000000000001 % Unrealistic, and the JSDF is fucked up in MknR, if I were Tatsuya Kazama would be already DEAD and so would 3/4 of the Army.

Similar to an old discontinued(?) story. Wonder how this will go. Look forward to it.