interesting

This is a nice idea for an AU. And Lillian could actually be an interesting window into that alternate reality.

The first person view was handled rather well. I'm not a big fan of it. But it works perfectly in this instance and I wasn't pushed away by it for once(which is a rarity for me). Maybe because you use it for the one thing which can become awkward in third person mode(in my eyes): retelling the thoughts of a person.

-snicker- The part about the clones is the best. -snicker-
Especially Lilian's perspective on them and how they hassle everyone. I keep imagining that Hermione apparates anywhere and nags people. And they can't even ask if she has got nothing better to do because the answer is: no, I've got time to oversee you.
I instantly have a lot of questions about that though, like: Does their number really vary between 3 and 6?

The end leaves me curious. Has Lillian forgotten to mention she murdered someone? Or is the hat speaking a warning about her parents? Anyway, to bad for Lillian, I guess, she needs to be homeschooled. She could learn to tell the differences of the clones. Like: that's Transfiguration-Hermione - for some reason she is extra stern.

So I'm not gonna lie, I'm always a little skeptical of first person fics. However, your narrative was absolutely charming and Lillian is definitely a character! You also managed to introduce quite a bit of mystery to the story from the outset, which I'm impressed with. The family dynamic is a lot more complicated than I think you see in fanfiction usually, which I also appreciated.

Usually I try to offer some constructive criticism but I actually don't have any for this one. I think that the way you've set your narrator up it works perfectly. Please carry on!

From looking at this, I think you'd be really awesome for this website that I write for. It's basically an entire magical school full of OCs, and the community is just fantastically fun and supportive, and pretty focused on learning and helping others learn about writing. (We've even got our own questionable History of Magic professor) You've definitely got the skill set and I would love to write with you, so you should check it out - rmimagic . com!

"Silly hat. A murder is a grouping of crows, not Ravens. Have your stitches come loose a bit? Honestly, Hat..."

Clever - funny story. I like the Hermione Granger clones although the idea of the Potters as cheerful murderers is a bit much - unless of course, you flesh it out! Good job.