Veri n1c3MNrst0riYi

Veri n1c3btLst0riCX

I love this story Already i just want the full thing to come out already, I really enjoy this story so keep up the good work man!

It could maybe use some structural edits, but the story itself should be interesting

First story, eh?

First off, you should remember to always put dialogue from different people in a different paragraph. It helps make it clearer. Also, I see you have some paragraphs that are short and a single sentence and aren't dialogue. You could probably just make them part of the previous or next paragraph, and it'd look better, or you could add some sentences giving details to them.

Nothing else is too out of place, but not much has happened so far. Hopefully you have some interesting stuff planned.