Wtf is this? I choked on my water. This story is complete dogshit lol

I enjoyed this story for all the wrong reasons. All the fucks up made me laugh and the fact your review box is better written and more well thought out than the overall story is scathing. You can write what you want, but do yourself a favor, and at least TRY to make it somewhat legible, if that's not too challenging?

Cringy.

Would you look at this fucking masterpiece crafted by the Gods themselves! I see you're pretty proud of yourself too, given your authors notes. It must've been one long, powerful, and inspiring journey having some type of idea - even though it was mundane, atrocious, and little more than that of a puerile child who just watched his first porno spewed on paper - cross your mind. Now normally I would agree with you and say that you are in the right about everything and anything that took place here, but then we'd both be wrong, wouldn't we? A fucking sheep could've written a better story than this here, and I would love to take the time to explain to you where you went wrong, but unfortunately I have neither the time or crayons necessary. Actually, why not? I'm free today. I can take my time. Oh! By the by, I wanted to thank you for being so fucking repulsive that BlackSavior put down writing pen. You know, the guy who could ACTUALLY write something presentable? But I refuse to spend too much time on that since I have a review to do, though I doubt you'll read this.

Utter. Fucking. Trash. Not this chapter alone which managed to just blow the others out of the competition. From 1-3 there isn't single shred of improvement. I question your knowledge on this English language and advice you pick up a book and tell me where the fuck do you see ANY of what you have here? If you have ever read one to begin with.

For one you clearly don't know shit about Blazblue. Sword of Doom? Seriously? I like the OST just as much as the next girl, but don't confuse Sword of Doom with Kusanagi, please? Get your terminology right lol.

Second, your characterization is complete garbage. Fanfic isn't well-known for proper characterization, but while most fail in that department, they can at least keep the character relationships stable. Here? My god, how!? My hands are thrown up in the air trying to figure out how someone could fuck up THIS hard with Jin and Noel. But it's not like you're the only one. I can only count maybe two or three Jin and Noel centered fics where the author didn't have a hard-on or wetting their panties for either Jin and Noel and inserted themselves as one of these characters. Azrael has a god complex? OMG when!? Wait, he doesn't? Oh, that's right, he doesn't. I knew I was right since I actually played the game. BTW, Noel doesn't care what other people think of her. A little pro tip since you haven't played past CS.

Third, you're writing is god-awful. We get Jin's in pain we don't need "AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" to accentuate that, we aren't idiots. You set up some weird romance between Jin and Noel for seemingly no reason whatsoever. There was no tension, no build up, and certainly no reason that Jin would make passionate love (HA!) to Noel. If you weren't aware, the only people Jin care for are his brother Ragna and Tsubaki. Noel could go die for all he cares. Noel tolerates Jin, very clear she isn't too fond of him. Would you be fond of a guy who belittles you, threatens to kill you and so much more? Or am I going to hear some excuse of how since other anime/shows pulled this off, I can too. This fic is nothing more then some try-hard doing their very best to sound cool, and it's not.

This is the absolute WORST fanfic in this fandom and you should be ashamed of yourself believing this to be presentable. If this is the best you can roll out, you need to take a breath, pluck your ass down, read a book, and take some notes. I can understand a casual writer just wanting to have fun, but when it's done in a way like THIS I can't stand it. Mediocre isn't a good enough word for this. The shit I stepped in the other night had more of a hold on me than this story did, and I don't seem to be the only one. Glad to know there are those who don't accept just any form of garbage just because it has Blazblue as a tag.

I don't frequent this site much. There are just a handful I read and enjoy. I decided to pop into the BB fandom just to see if there were any fics that would catch my eye. Sadly nobody writes about people like Azrael or Hakumen, so I'm left at a stump Not saying there aren't good fics around here, but none with my boys. Then I saw this and cheered. ...Almost fucking puking when I read it. Honestly, I'm relieved there isn't a mountain of people sucking your cock and calling this "good" when it's far from it. So often do people praise garbage fics that have no texture or substance and the author does the same thing again and again. This fic right here accentuates the myriad of reasons why I don't read fanfic as much as I used too. Filled to the brim with OOC garbage and writers who don't know their ass from a hole in the ground. A prime example right here.

There's just so much wrong with this fic I don't know where to begin... and I KNOW this isn't gonna register because I've dealt and seen so many people like this, but I'm gonna review this anyway. From immature writing to the vapid, fatuous sex scene and vacuous and insipid plot, down to the ASININE portrayal and complete disregard and butcher of these characters, I have to ask where in that head of yours did you believe a story like this was a good idea? I read this a while back, and after seeing the reviews, I came to check back and see if you made any changes. ...Of course not.

I'm pretty used to OOC, but not to an extent like this. You gave no fucks in deliberately tossing out Noel and Jin's character for a romance plot nobody wanted or asked for with such a nonsensical reason. Because other shows and series did it, you can do it too? Took me a couple minutes to process that fuckery. That trite, brain-dead thought process is why fanfic is loaded with such bullshit.

You don't need to be some amazing writer who has the skills to go out and publish their own book and make millions - nobody is asking that. There are many people who post for fun. Fantastic. Fanfic writing is fun because you can do whatever you want, but the least you can do before posting is have a grasp on the basics of grammar and character relationships which you obviously don't have. I don't even like Noel because she's just a plot object at this point, but I like her WAY more than I did when she started out 100% and I'm 110% you self-inserted yourself as Jin to fuck her and threw her character right out the window. She got a steady development, more confident, and DOESN'T CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK. Yeah, that's right, I paid attention to the story, so what?

I'm not even going to delve into Jin at this point because for a man who would love to see Noel just drop dead... ugh. I love Azrael though! Dude has to be my favorite character in the entire series, Hakumen just barely missing the top. And to read him like this sends a chill down my spine.

Like the other stories you posted in Blazblue, there isn't a single good one. They're all so banal and the way you write just makes it worse. It's very clear that you have no idea what you're doing and spewing out random ideas you think are cool when they're not, this one being the corniest of all. And that little sex scene you idiotically inserted in here - to put it simply because I refuse to go into it - was shit. Everything about it was deplorable and there is nothing to make it better. If you tried to be funny, touch up on your humor. And this story is written after CF, so I suggest you watch or actually play the story, yeah?

Jin can't fight anymore (confirmed by Mori in an interview), Noel no longer works for the NOL and is now a nun, and Azrael is locked away by his own power. That guy ain't breaking out anytime soon without some outside force (sadly). CTB is its own series, stated by Mori. Trying to connect CF to CTB is fine, but have some knowledge beforehand? In the true ending, Ragna is sent back and it is very clear he didn't meet his end just yet. So this entire fic is, in simple terms, pointless.

I wouldn't even bother saying go read a book or practice because I feel as if I wasted my time since you don't give ten fucks about this series or its characters and write this trash without thinking back to yourself is this good or not. You want Jin and Noel to be closer (which Jin and Noel don't want, but whatever tickles your fancy) make them friends, why make them fuck? Never had a girlfriend before because this isn't how romance or how bonds are built. Bonds are built by long interactions, personalities that resonate, care for the other and so much more. Tsubaki is the only one in BB that Jin cares about, so he sticks with her because he doesn't want to kill her and genuinely cares about her. And if you didn't know, there are siblings out there that don't like each other - not all of them are close. Fuck do I hate writing long reviews I know the author won't read... But I do have one piece of advice I suppose I could give and it VERY crucial: play the story. Because this is the first time in possibly forever I've seen someone shit on a series so hard I needed to double check what fucking fandom I was in. Oh, but who am I kidding? You'll probably just post the same fuckery next time anyway... rinse and repeat. The least you could do is write with some manner of coherence if that's not too much to ask.

Huh. This might just be the funniest thing I've read in a long time. But don't get the wrong idea since I don't mean that in some endearing, kind, compassionate, pat on the back nice job pal keep it up, kind of way. Let me cut my shit short and halt the jokes since many others have stated what I have on my mind right now. Fanfiction is loaded with stories that aren't well though out, OOC and all that junk. But this? This might be the worst fic I've ever read and I've stared shit in the face SEVERAL times. Did you even try? Or did you just jot down whatever came to mind without a single moment of edit? I had no plans to read past chapter 2 because there was nothing here to hold my interest as I gave this fic a shot since I had nothing better to do. The reviews caught my interest so I proceeded onwards, and I honestly have to ask if youve ever played these games or just read them off wiki or Facebook or heard from friends or whatever.

Regarding the characters, you don't seem to have a clue how they work, they're nothing but tropes you can justify because other shows and animes have done it, so you can do it too, right? What kind of lazy mindset is that? And the way you threw these characters on top of each other was abysmal and horrendously dull, the music making me want to puke. Maybe I'm missing something here, but doesn't Jin HATE Noel? Was there some kind of development, because if so I'm missing it and to be perfectly honest, I don't give a shit. Matter of fact, do YOU even give a damn about these characters or series? Because reading this, I think not and hopefully I'm not wasting my breath on some buffoon.

Let me try and put this very clearly for you to grasp: Jin and Noel don't work, they'll never work, and I couldn't give five fucks what kind of other reasons you have outside of this fragile little mindset that you believe because another series did it you could do it too because I know damn well what I mean when I say these two don't work. He's killed her, verbally abused her, allowed her to be taken by Arakune without a care in the world. Why would Noel fall for him? XD Its just stupid. She isn't some dumb blonde, if you didn't know. And once you see that just because a character shares similar traits with some random guy from another series (which has nothing to do with this one, so I had to "what?" at your reasoning) doesn't mean a certain two become a couple, the sooner you'll realize how shitty this entire fic and how eye twitching this pairing is. Now don't take this as me just ranting because I hate the pairing (which I do). But this entire fic even before this badly written chapter which is just... wow... needs to be done over. There isn't a single interesting concept in this entire story and you honestly just sound like a try-hard.

Onto the writing itself... get a dictionary, do something, please? English isn't your maiden language I don't think, so I do heavily sympathize because English wasn't my first language and it took me longer than most to finally be able to speak it fluently, but goddammit... BlackSavior already said it, but the way you write just takes a bit arakune on these characters. They curse, they swear, they don't say Fack or Sit when cursing. They're aren't so immature. My recommendation wouldn't even be a beta or some alpha reader, just practice a SHIT ton. Once you get a grasp on basic grammar, work your way up from there. Not every idea that pops into your head will be a gold mine, as this story was basically just shit on a plate with a side of OOC nonsense.

If you think I'm being mean or an asshole, go right ahead since I don't rightly care what you think of me. But I would advice that even if you don't take what I saw into your mind, take what others have said. Whether you love it or hate man, they're 100% correct. This story is the epitome of what an author can do when they don't try, don't care, and I legit sighed reading through this.

And to the guest who claims people are "bashing" this persons work because they didn't like it, I suggest you look up the word. Just because people weren't soft about it and said softly, "oh, I didn't like this fic but nice try." No. "This fic was garbage, heres why:" Some were harsh, but they were in no way wrong and left advice for him for later works. If you wish to defend him because he's a friend or you like his work, great. That's sweet of you and shows you're a kind person going out of your way. But don't suck his dick. Because with the mountain of problems this fic has, it was pretty obvious people would tell him his fuck ups as there are many. It's not uncommon. I do not have an account, as you can clearly see from me reviewing as guest, but will happily make one since creating one is simple but I never found the need if you wish to speak with me. Keep improving. With every mistake we get better : ).

You do know fanfic has an M section, right? Where you post all your explicit, sexually charged ideas? - and have you ever even written a sex scene before? Because oof... I've cringed several times reading various works produced by writers across fanfiction, but I don't think I've seen one like this. I know one guy on here inserts music into their fiction, but I've never seen a guy insert lyrics on top of their writing.

To basically sum up everything on my mind: why? Just why? From the forced OOC romance, to the sex scene, to the strangely over the top and ridiculous dialogue written here, I need to ask why you thought this was a good idea?

Calling someone mentally retarded just because they like a ship you don't like is mentally retarded yourself.

Just. Stop.

People like you are the reasons why writing Fanfiction isn't a fun place anymore. We have people like you that parades what they want to see while bashing on stories you don't like. Comparing howlin blood to Camperor is a huge stretch because Camperor is just a straight-up troll while howlin blood is a legitimate author.

You think writing this makes you right? You think writing this makes him change his mind? Save your breath and whine somewhere else.

I hate people like you all. I used to be like you bunch, but I'd grown out from that idiocity.

Everyone, stop. Arguing or explaining to this guy is useless. You can site whatever you want from the games, you can go into detail like Queen, Black, and Velvet did, he won't budge. You just have to let people like these do whatever they want. There are many people like this scattered throughout the various fandoms on this site, sadly. Most of them (if not all) are mentally disabled in some way. Just like Camperor. So if he doesn't take your advice, that might be why. For someone to claim Jin and Noel to be the second best pairing (JinXTsubaki, KaguraXNoel/Makoto or just Makoto and Noel, BangXLitchi, like really? XD) they haven't delved too much into the fandom and haven't seen the disgust given when mentioned. In one ear and out the other. (If yall are wondering where he said that, it's in a review somewhere... I just laughed)

My advice: just don't bother. As BlackSavior said, it just isn't worth the effort. And for someone to take a crack pairing seriously, who cares what their arguments are anyway? Just nonsense on top of nonsense. Most likely some headcanon is driving this shipping with no evidence from Blazblue at all to back it up. Whatever it is, I don't care and neither should any of you. Just watch him goof up the terms and characters or don't watch at all.

I came to read about Ragna, Jin, and Azrael (most of you have probably come to read about Ragna lol), but was met with... this. I understand the anger. Believe me, I do since he completely manhandled Jin and Azrael like nobodies business, but it's just meaningless to get mad. All you did was waste your time. Hopefully nobody else has too, because this guy is a lost cause. Not exactly what I wanted to find when I came here today, but we can't exactly get what we want. Ragna is coming in next chapter and the Jin and Noel nonsense is over, so that's good right?

I read this, then read the reviews for this chapter. Whether you took what these two said with a grain of salt or nodded your head wondering what it is you need to work on, there isn't much I disagree with. Queen was a little... harsh regarding this as the worst fanfic in the fandom. I don't believe that was necessary to extend her point, but the fact most of her arguments and critiques along with Velvet's were spot on are undeniable. Reading this story, then reading the extremely long reviews sent by both readers, they've already said what I wanted to say and then some. But for the sake of me actually reviewing this, I'll still say them anyway. As I'm covering this in its semi-complete entirety and did say to myself I would review this when it was all set and done to get the full package, I'm gonna give it to you straight.

There wasn't one thing in this fic I liked. Gauging these characters portrayed and the characters of the canon cast, there isn't a shred of who they are written here. The way you write is... it kinda just shits on them. To rip off what was said before me, the dialogue was extremely cringy. Fack? Bull sit - bro, nobody talks like this in Blazblue. If you're writing speech for them, they should talk like people. You might not like to curse, but the cast does it like its nothing. Not even delving into the ship because Jin and Noel is just a bad idea and isn't worth the effort. It's not gonna be a thing; there's no way it's gonna be a thing. Done. As I believe taking any crackship with any form of seriousness - then trying to defend it - has to be the biggest waste of time. But outside of how you threw these two on top of each other, you had them fuck? Why? It had no place in this story, setting, and in the mindset of these characters.

Queen Bitch and Velvet have pointed out Azrael and I will too. He's by far the easiest character because he lacks any form of real depth, yet you still managed to goof him up via dialogue and power scaling. The moment (and I see this has been said) Azrael grabbed Noel by the neck, it would've snapped. He's just THAT strong. When you can make a guy "crumble" via pat on the back... yeah... Jin wasn't himself in any regard. Jin doesn't snap like this. Only around Ragna does his voice every crack or raise. Everyone else he's calmer, much more like Hakumen. And for Noel... yeah, this line also made my eye twitch, "I'm sorry Jin." Noel looks down in shame, "I can't endure their judgmental stares. I can't answer their questions about us. I'm not confused about us. I want us to be a thing. But I'm not ready about us. They'll tease me. It won't matter to you. You're don't give a dam about it, but I do. That's who Noel Vermillion is. She is affected by other people opinions." No, this isn't Noel. In CP she says herself she doesn't care about the opinions of others as it has no bearings on who she is. Pretty sure I botched her line, but the point is this is completely wrong and throws what development Noel went through out the window.

Noel has become a strong woman by CF, and seeing her stand up for herself instead of cry like a baby was a joy to see. Though she couldn't beat Susano'o, standing up to him herself instead of cowering like a frightened child was a step up from the Noel who whined because Rachel took Bolverk away from her. Jin too. Prioritizing Tsubaki over Ragna was a clear indication he had grown up, and Noel definitely isn't the one to spark any sort of growth in him. You'd have to rek Jin's character really hard for that since he doesn't like her or anyone besides Tsubaki and Ragna. Otherwise from those two, basically screw everyone.

Now for what seemed to get under the skins of these reviewers: the sex scene. For the lack of me not wanting to over explain what others have said, don't write what you don't know. That saying has a lot of meaning too it. If you don't know something, do something else. It's really that simple. And if anything, practice. Your grammar is really, really bad so writing something like erotic fiction meant to stimulate the reader isn't for you. The entire thing was just super cliche and atrocious. The fic itself just tries too hard to be dramatic for a game that is more or less a gag. Whatever you have planned for next chapter revolving these two would just be slapped in the face by the actual game. The build-up was horrendous, the music just - because I can't find a better word - stupid and unbelievably corny, as was the entire "romance" you threw in here which wasn't needed at all made me choke on my food...

I wish to get into the writing itself because that's where this fic fell harder than ever aside from the blant disregard for character. Queen and Velvet said it and I'll say it too, practice writing. You don't need to DO THIS, (or this every two seconds, we're not idiots). The story itself wasn't very good, very boring, and you stuck Azrael with a god complex for some reason with him saying you dare challenge a god. Oof. And how try-hard this is (as that is a perfect word for this) just makes the fic come off as silly. I don't feel a shred of drama, seriousness, or happiness reading this. I can see why Queen went off, and while she didn't need to say some things, you should take some of her critiques (because I think it's a girl?) and Velvet's too.

If you're going to write, get a beta. DEFINITELY not a friend. Whether they admit it or not, they're holding something back on you. Anyone with any writing experience or has read any piece of professional literature would've told you this wasn't ready to be posted. Compare this to any piece of work or even some fanfiction and you'll see a major difference in formation, structure, and dialogue. You also somehow managed to goof up some basic terms like Kusanagi. It's not Sword of Doom lol. Also... we know that Arctic Dungeon is Jin's astral heat - everybody here knows that. There's just so much unneeded crap you tossed in here, then ended it off with one of the cheesiest scenes I've ever read. Don't do this... it's not cool, it's not good, and most certainly will piss a lot of people off because of bad it was executed. It isn't even Jin and Noel at this point, it just wasn't good. Noel isn't some girl who'd just hop on the dick of the guy who's been treating her like shit for as long as she could remember, and Jin would shiver if he read this himself. They aren't tools or dolls you can bend to whatever whim you have in mind, they're characters, they have personalities. Focus on that and very key factors that define them.

Just to sum up everything, the writing is very immature and I believe this entire story needs one hell of a do-over as this isn't something well-written, you tried far too hard to sound cool, and you need to take a look at Jin and Noel as they aren't just archetypes. If Jin doesn't like Noel he doesn't like her. Like Tsubaki. She doesn't like Ragna, why force her too? The only person I've read with a crackship focused story I've truly enjoyed is Velvien. I didn't even read it for pairing sake but because his writing was engaging. Here, if I'm being truthful, if they aren't riding you and sugarcoating you, nobody can do that without spitting out the water they were coincidentally drinking reading this. It just really was that bad man.

Alright, so you wanna tell me what cliche, cheesy, unimaginative romance anime you ripped this chapter off from? You not only managed to massacre their characters but shoved them into some OOC romance nobody asked for. Not only did you force them into a couple, but you somehow managed to toss out every aspect which made Jin and Noel who they were. On a whim, I peeked into this fic since I hadn't read it yet and wanted to just drop it, but my friend insisted I finished it, so I obliged.

You aren't a good writer anyway, so I didn't expect to see anything other than mediocre, but this? This is, by far, the worst fanfic in the entire fandom. That's saying a lot. I can see why my friend was laughing so hard now. I despise reviewing like this, but since nobody else seems to be telling you this, time for a reality check. Call me whatever the fuck you want, it doesn't matter to me, but you need a wake-up call if you think THIS is presentable. The barking coming from my neighbor's dogs are more coherent than this. (As you can see, I'm not too friendly when reading abysmal shit like this that throws every ounce of a character out the window for some superficial romance scene which was horribly written. Since I happen to be a fan of Noel because I love this adorable blond-haired cutie, I don't plan on mincing my words)

There are only a select few in this fandom who have an inkling of who these characters are (ApprienticeTrashman, Murder Media, B.B. Wolf, and StormVII always post quality shit - especially AM and MM. Those two are worth taking notes on if you can't do it with the game itself. Sadly I don't see B.B. Wolf post anymore, which is a real damn shame), so I didn't expect to come in here and see their complete canon counterparts. There are some I read that they don't destroy the character so hard I have to ask if I'm in the Blazblue section: Melancholy by BlackSavior (a personal favorite of mine since I happen to be a fan of Nine), Mishap by Almightylord, Stubble by OnewierdwriteR (who writes some very enjoyable Ragna and Rachel fics) just to name a few. Thankfully they post often enough to diverge myself from shit like this, but I took a gander anyway because I was bored. I set my bar really damn low too, but somehow you managed to blow apart my expectations. As you can tell, not in a good way.

You know, there's a saying, "write what you know," I suggest you follow it. You have NO idea who these characters are and possibly have never played the story mode. If you have, then maybe you would realize Jin is his own person and so is Noel. Just because other anime's with similar archetypes did it, doesn't mean Noel and Jin can do it. It's very silly, very OOC, very unbelievable, and for a lack of a better word, it takes an idiot to believe in their heart of hearts these two can love each other. I can't even call them shadows of their former selves because even shadows have some similarity with their canon counterpart. I would've given you a slap on the wrist since English doesn't seem to be your maiden language if not for this: "If you're wondering why is JinNoel pairing is so awesome. Then it's very simple my lovely student. It's because JinNoel offers two things that make it one of the most promising pairings in the entire Blazblue series. A) Huge opportunity for character growth for both of them. B) Conflict. Some of the best romantic stories have conflicts in them. This pairing offers a huge dose of conflict. Pairings like JinNoel do exist in animes. But the main problem is JinNoel pairings are more prominent in romantic animes rather than in normal/adventure animes." I've never heard anything more absurd. Then you wonder why it's called a crackship... Protip: this isn't some romance anime, this is a dark, tragedy, shounen. So don't go thinking what works in shit like Date A Live works in Blazblue.

Let me head on down to Ragna and Rachel. Why do you think they work so damn well? They've known each other for so long, can talk whatever shit they want because they know the other person truly cares for them. That's a good dynamic to have between two characters. What, you wanna go from love to hate in under a few measly chapters? To do that it needs to be properly executed, a skill you clearly do not have for the life of you. You don't need to have conflict to have a convicing and engaging romance plot.

Character development? Do you have any idea what that is? Because both Jin and Noel are developed. Look at CT then look at CF. Jin has taken the persona of his future/past counterpart and has become a real goddamn man. Noel's confidence was boasted tremendously, facing Susano'o without fear to protect Ragna and everyone else. But no, you have to force them into a couple and think when they start to love each other they've truly developed. Haha, no. That's bullshit. You want that corny shit, go somewhere else. I HATE reviewing like this, but this fic pissed me off. Not even because of the shipping since I'm normally able to read past them and try to enjoy the story, but the story itself wasn't engaging, it was poorly written and so much more. And here I thought CTB showed the bare minimum of their characters, but you've really outdone yourself. Even in CTB Jin still has that cold, justice-like attitude. And Noel sounds more confident during her battle lines because she has become a confident woman by CF.

You self-inserted yourself as Jin because you have a crush on Noel. You might as well have just made this readerXNoel or OC (which is Jin at this point)XNoel. Drop this retarded headcanon that makes you believe Jin gives more than a single shit about Noel and actually write the characters, yeah? You want Jin to be nicer to her? Fine. But don't have them fuck in possibly the dumbest, pea-brained smut on the fandom or in fanfiction in general. Again, you aren't a great writer anyway with not even the bare basics of how a story should be formed, so you shouldn't be tackling something like erotica since you've clearly never written one, so I was expecting much when it began, but I couldn't help but cringe at how it went down and the immature words you used for their tryst. For Noel, your whittled her down to Ms. Nice girl that happens to fall in love with the mean guy. Really? What kind of dead-brained thought process did you have concocting this shit show? Then you throw them on top of each other? Wow... whatever Light Novel or shit your reading, don't bring those ideas here. I'd rather read something that doesn't look like Arakune just took a shit on my front lawn.

Azrael... dear god, why? How in Amaterasu's name did you fuck up his character so bad? Azrael doesn't talk like this lol. In this fic he wants to fight strong people, calling upon the ancient heroes of the past to have a battle for the ages. But for some strange reason, Azrael is the only to survive the destruction and collision of multiple worlds just because? If that's not the biggest asspull... and I thought Fairytail needed to step it up. Also, he just happens to remember Bloodedge as Jin's brother where Rachel herself couldn't? And if you paid attention to the story, Jin's artic dungeon (which we know is his astral heat, you don't need to tell us lmfao) forced a weakened Azrael with his own power so he could never escape. And to bite off what the previous reviewer said, this fic was so damn try-hard that it fell so hard on its ass it cracked the earth in half. What told you this was a good idea for a prequel to a game that's story is one big ass gag? You just going for Kokonoe to say, "I have a new invention! It - oh shit, blew up." why kill yourself over this? It didn't even come out good. I have to honestly ask if you've even played the story. Sword of Doom? And my oh-so-favorite line, "You would continue to defy a god? Are you out of your mind?" I dunno who this is, but whatever cliche villain you ripped this guy off of, take him back XD. I want Azrael not... this garbage.

As I said already, I can look past the characters to enjoy a well-written fic. I can't do that here because your English skills equal that of a child's. The grammar childish and the cursing... oh the cursing... Free advice: you don't like to curse, don't use these shallow substitutes. Fack? Bull sit? Dam? Really? Either autocorrect is a bitch or you've never taken up a book in your life. For reference purposes for any Jin and Noel centered fic, read Conversation as it's one of the only Jin and Noel centered fics posted recently that isn't just the writer self-inserting themselves as Jin to kiss Noel and has the two sharing a calm, non-OOC conversation. Ugh... My hope is you don't fuck up Ragna and Rachel like you did Jin and Noel. As I like Noel, this was a pain to read because this wasn't Noel - at all, which led me to review like I am now. To the writing in general.

Practice, practice, practice. Grammar mistakes all over the place, UNNECESSARY CAPITALIZATION, (the use of this when it's not needed), the random, poorly built up "sex scene" you threw in here because you have a hard-on for Noel and thinks she's so happy to hop in the dick of a guy who treated her like shit for so long. This not only shows your incapability to write the character correctly, but that shows you have zero talent when it comes to erotic writing and should read more erotic works on fics. Mishap and any work recently posted by Apprentice Trashman in the M section from Murder just for familiarity sake or just google some good erotic fics. Your word use is strange to begin with and your writing style leaves much to be desired. Judging by this, I can expect the same level of disregard for character in the next chapter and anything forward as you don't seem to give a damn about these characters. And I hope not because next it's Ragna and Rachel. You know, the more prominent pairing in this fandom that doesn't reek of self-insert, OOC nonsense that you seem to be so good at posting?

Ragna, Kagura, Makoto - shit, Tsubaki would be actual character development to grow out of her bitchy ways of attacking her best friends. These guys care about Noel and would do anything to protect her, which is why these work. Personalities direct a relationship, not stupid ass tropes you seem to be using since other anime has done it before. I read your bio... Ragnanice guy? Haha! Wow! Depends on who. Racheltsundere? Na, not strong-willed woman, not sharped tongued, highly sophisticated, not selfless, but tsundere. Nice to know just how much you look at these characters as they're nothing but tropes. Ugh. And if anything, Jin is yandere... get that right. The only one you got right was Noel. And if you believe Jin and Noel share the same charm as Ragna and Rachel, you need to play the story over again XD. My brain hasn't hurt this much since my calculus finals. But instead of people who's personalities can merge with Noel's well enough for them to be happy, you chose Jin. The guy who doesn't like anyone, has one of the worst attitudes in the series who is sick enough to harm his own little sister, kill the nun looking after him, cut off his brother's arm and walk off - never feeling sorry or regretting his actions either because he simply shrugs it off.

I'll make this clear: Jin's way of thought would utterly disgust Noel, and Noel's attitude would annoy Jin to know end. So, no, they don't work. I'm not even facotring in the timeline where Jin murdered Noel and casually stepped over her corpse. But hey, Jin and Noel are an amazing. In what fucked up world do you live in?

For Noel to fall in love with him you would have to strip away everything that makes Jin who he is and plant some perfect persona as him, as you seemed to do here. "Jin couldn't bear to look at Noel's face right now." what kind of bullshit? Plus, since this is written post CF, Jin shouldn't be able to fight due to his deal with Trinity as Mori himself said. So this is an AU. Label it. And if you truly believe someone like Noel can change Jin, you sir are in desperate need of help. Why would he, Jin Kisaragi, heed the words of some trash he doesn't care for? Jin has horrible attitude problems, but that's what makes him real. There are people like that in the world and making him nice to everyone is just so stupid. Nobody is nice to everyone, everyone has their own bias whether they know it or not. Some siblings just DON'T like each other. Be realistic. It's Tsubaki, that's it. Or even Ragna - but not romantic. And going by this flawed logic of yours, Tsubaki and Ragna should be fuckin' behind the gate and be best buds right? Even though Ragna is a murderer who's killed how many people? Lost track? But Tsubaki should be going gaga over him and confessing her undying feelings for him because he saved Noel, completely disregarding the shit ton of people he's murdered without batting an eye. *Eye roll*

I don't consider myself a canon OG freak because I typically enjoy a good crackship because I can turn my brain off and watch the idiocy unfold every now and again, but that's in a good way when it's written well. I can't do that here. It's just rubbish on top of rubbish, but I know you probably won't listen given your author's note as you truly believe it in yourself these two work because in some other romance anime you watched, these two tropes with mean guy and nice girl worked (which has to be the dullest way to look at them). Oh, I'll stick them in a trope and they'll work and it comes out amazing - no.

In a nutshell, the defense of this pairing seems to be - in your case anyhow, "hey, if they can do it, I can do it too!" haha, no. It doesn't work like that - especially when the writing is as bad as this is. Why do you think Harem anime's are going down the drain? Just the same shit over and over again and only a select few like Trinity Seven has a protagonist with a pair of fucking balls. And the last scene was just so bad XD, the inclusion of crappy music only made it shittier I couldn't help but laugh. You might as well label this as humor. And this... oh THIS pissed me off, "I'm sorry Jin." Noel looks down in shame, "I can't endure their judgmental stares. I can't answer their questions about us. I'm not confused about us. I want us to be a thing. But I'm not ready about us. They'll tease me. It won't matter to you. You're don't give a dam about it, but I do. That's who Noel Vermillion is. She is affected by other people opinions." CP says hi XD where Noel literally says she doesn't care about the opinions of others because it has no bearings on who she is, but whatever to get this crap out right? Just throw away whatever you don't need to write shit like this? What a load of crap. Nice job taking a shit on Noel's character btw, really respecting the development she went through, ain't ya? And she wants them to be together? Man, we MUST be playing a different game. Or have you just not played this one?

I'm gonna just stop here if you even made it this far because I have a strong feeling you haven't taken a word I said to heart. But let me give you some more advice since I'm just such a caring gal: get a beta, ASAP - and a damn good one who has the time to sit with you and help you correct this crap, look at these characters and ask yourself in what given circumstance would they do this, actually write JIN KISARAGI - not the poor excuse of an OC you produced here. But the first one is most important. Without a second eye, mistakes are easily made - make sure it's not a goddamn friend either. The previous reviewer said this too: friends will never tell you how it is. Thankfully I've surrounded myself with people who tell it to me straight, but from the look of this, you need to go beta hunting as the writing, god-awful grammar, characterization, and overall story is dumpster fire. Azrael wanting to fight powerful foes is nice and all, but when done right. Not whatever the fuck you tried here. Like you had Azrael speak like he's some kind of God. Are you daft? When has he ever proclaimed himself to be higher than the gods - he wants to go up there and beat the shit out of them XD. Azrael is a simple man, words from Izanami, heed them. When I pop in here, I wish to read something good, not something I want to burn in a bonfire or something I'd scrape of the bottom of my shoes.

You might not, but least TRY to take any of this to heart and have the common courtesy to improve. But that might be asking a little too much. You see? THIS is how you use capitalization to further intensify speech. Again, take this to heart. If you don't it really shows that you should keep this shit to yourself if criticism goes in one ear out the other, as that displays a level of immaturity a writer shouldn't have. Can't take criticism, might as well delete and keep your ideas in your laptop, phone, head or wherever the hell you store this. Because imo quite frankly, your ideas so far aren't very good, and with your writing prowess, you have quite the ways to go of producing anything worth a full read through without having the reader cringe so hard you think they're eating a lemon.

Have a nice day, and do try to actually practice writing? Because you've been writing long enough that your work shouldn't seem to come from a kindergartener.

Finally got around to finishing up this chapter. Started it earlier, had some things to take care of, then came back to wrap this up. And I have to honestly ask what in the hell is this? I wish to review this properly, step by step, problem by problem as I hate those who just review to bash. I'm not here to do that. I would never do that. But, as an Azrael fan and a fan of this series, this will be harsh. I don't like to mince words.

Reading this, I had to ask whether or not you've ever taken up a book. There is no "proper" way to write, as we all have our own writing style, but there is a certain quota those who write must meet. This entire fic, and this is me being generous, is mediocore at best.

You're writing is wierd, you use (blah blah blah) to much. The people reading aren't so stupid for you to keep on using it so much. They're meant to clarify, yes, but when used over and over and over again, beating it over our heads like a bad joke, it's just not needed. Like, come on man. We know who Hardy is already lol. Also, probably one of the main things which broke this fic, if you don't like to curse, just don't curse.

I have some friends who don't like to curse, so they don't. They don't use fack, or say ass as as, or hell as hel when they write or speak. It's honestly really stupid and hella cringy. Who talks like this? Nobody does. That's what dialogue is: people speaking, not... this. And you don't have to captalize to further show intense distress. Jin only screams when he's facing Ragna, Noel, or in CT, Nu. He's relatively composed around everyone else. And Noel might scream, but NOT LIKE THIS. See what I mean? That's just too try-hard, as this fic seemed to be. It was just really try-hard.

Now to my BIGGEST problem: Azrael. Or I guess I should say, whoever this is that has Azrael's name, because this isn't the Mad Dog I know and love. Azrael is by far one of the strongest - or the strongest - next to Hakumen, Ragna, and Terumi to name a few. He broke a dude by giving him a love tap on the back. He "crumbled", remember? Noel's neck would've snapped the moment he squeezed as Azrael is too strong for his own good. Jin screaming to let Noel go? Until Dark War Alternative comes out, I have to ask in what universe XD. And the way you wrote Azrael was just... so bad. I'll just leave that there, because I'm gonna get too emotional and rant and I don't want that. This is a review, so let's be civil : ). If anything I'll mention it later down the line.

Jin and Noel broke this fic, especially this chapter. I'm still lost how you managed to butcher Azrael's charcater, but the relationship between these two are easy as hell. Yet, you manage to throw it out the window for a flimsy romance sex scene that seemed to come from a 1st grader with no prior writing experience. I'm not sure if you've ever written a smut. I don't think so? I'm not speaking as the god of smut, as that is really condescending as I have a long way to go before then as both a writer of erotica and in general, but for the love of god, why? English Chocolate? That has to be the dumbest thing I've ever heard... Never seen it before, so you did surprise me. That's as far as it went besides me cringing. But back to it.

Jin would never EVER do this - to anyone (maybe Ragna if he doesn't lose a limb or two XD). To fuck after fighting Azrael? Jin would be too tired to move just like Kagura was. Azrael is too strong. Jin would be down for the count and so would Noel (if she survived...). I've already said that this scene wasn't very good anyway, and if you wanted to write a smut, just drop it in the M section, because this is just really bad and unrefined. Like you just wrote this without reviewing or a beta (which I HIGHLY recommend. Trust me, it's worth it to find a good beta). The build up was awful, the dialogue ridiculous and so OOC. I try to look past that, but I coudln't this time... Having them constantly screaming? And Noel shouldn't even be able to talk XD let alone scream out anything besides... a well, scream lol.

For the story... it wasn't interesting - at all. I mean Azrael just so happens to be the only one to survive this cataclysmic devastation about to ensue for typically no reason? Be a little orginal. That's been played out so many times... There were some lines, like when Kokonoe said she wouldn't trust Noel with her hairdryer, that was funny. The rest, like when Jin said Azrael is like some cliche villain, or the unnecessary dialogue about different bombs, we're just... ugh. Also... it's Kusanagi. Sword of Doom is the OST and never even used in any dialogue regarding Noel. Speaking of, the little perverted line you sneaked in with Kagura was unneeded. He cares for Noel. A quick comment like her looking better like that then regular is fine, but what you said wouldn't leave the mouth of Kagura Mutsuki. Even when he faced her as Mu 12, not a single perverted line came from him besides the one joke about her having nice thighs. Take the charcaters into consideration, please? I don't speak as the master, but my god...

Also, there are so many plot holes (as of now. Ch.4 isn't out yet). If this is before CTB, why isn't Ragna here? What are you going to have everyone just happen to remember him in ch.4? Even though CF is where these guys are pulled from as the True ending has Rachel saying to Ragna doesn't he have a lot to do? Not only that, Jin still doesn't like Noel in CTB, so with that, this fic and chapter especially falls right on its ass at the end of the day. And Azrael is in CTB tearing shit up like the badass he is.

In sumation to all this, you really need to sit down and practice. For a lack of a better term, your writing is very immature and this is far too try-hard to be cool and dramatic, baring the very cheesy and badly written and paced romance you threw in here out of nowhere along with that music nonsense which broke any immersion you tried too enstill.

As I suggested earlier, get a beta, please. This story would've turned out so much better if you considered the charcaters and sentence structure. I whole heartedly recommend you get a beta - not a friend - to review. A beta. A total stranger. Because friends won't tell you the way it is. They'll sugarcoat you, then you post and it's shit. A beta would've told you to cut the fack BS, stop the unnecessary captilzation, cut the really obnoxious "sex" scene, and take some more time to make sure these paragraphs are properly structured. Because, quite frankly, this fic is an absolute mess. Call me a bitch if you want, I really don't care. I said my piece.

I truly hope you aren't upset by this. I say this as a fellow writer, fan of the series, and a gal who wants to see her fellow peers do the best they can. If you have anything you want to say to me, harsh or not, PM. If not, don't. Oh well.

I always knew that you would achieve it and you did it well, the chapter made me feel a little strange inside but it was not because of the story or the dancing of the characters (se *)

the song was the one that made me feel empty, Santa Monica is a good song, I even downloaded it for you and I imagined the situation while reading your story

Jin's sword being destroyed was a surprise, I never imagined that you would do something like that, it was a good way to finish the arc of Jin and Noel, you wanted to work on them in stages of hatred, empathy and love although Jin just wanted to be the dominant one. which is not bad because it's like that, I guess the love stage was over for Jin

I would have liked to see the reaction of Kokonoe, Tsubaki and Kagura to see the "imperial code" of Jin and Noel, good my friend that's all I have to say, I wish you luck in your projects

Thou holy one, please up your rating to M, as it is still graphic and explicit despite the weird vocabulary used here (pretty funny I might add). This is a Christian server and we have kids here on the site trolololol

Anyway, I thought Jin's going to die, but nope... Wait... Subtle RagChel? IS RACHEL GONNA DIE?!

For that fanfic, I honestly have no clue? I have one scooby snack. I'll only give it to you if you spill the beans. :v

Boo! Kimmo sucks as a beta-reader! Don't buy his service again! 0/10, from a scammed author.

Nah, that's just all jokes.

Anyway, you're seriously picking up steam. Azrael had enough of their bs and he wanted to just get to the main dish already.

Gotta loved that Tager/Kokonoe banter. Hmm, that made me ship them again, almost.