Awesome ! Plz, update soon !

Thanks for the chapter _.

Good story

omfg! did you really just call the shard of Riddle's soul in Harry a PUSSY SORE?! that's the best thing I've ever read, including the fic where Harry paid the twins to create modified gobstones that look like DM called gobshites!

This story's info page says that there is supposed to be three chapters but only two come up. Plus based on the information given the last update was supposed to be 2-18 of 2019 even though the year isn't listed. Would like to see this story updated and finished to learn the outcome.

Thanks for the update!

I really like this! One thing that would be interesting is Draco and Harry trying to learn the language together, or perhaps a charm to translate their English? Either way, I want Starry.

Hi, I'm a French reader and I can tell you that I'm in love with the two chapters that I have read. I hope few other one would come because I like how you write (your style) and the story looks so realistic (you won a fan!)

Baboom.

Whoa

I enjoyed reading this, but I do agree with the points made by previous reviewers - it would help to explain Uagadou in the summary, for example.

Also, maybe get a Britpicker to have a look at it - some expressions strike me as being not very UK-like.

Still, this was a fun read, and it's been a while since I read any HP fic - I'd love to see where this is going.

It starts off great – no Harry Potter fan can fail to be intrigued by that set-up! I find the paragraphs a bit too short for comfortable reading, though – the pacing of the story-telling is fine, it's just the structure itself. I'm not sure I'd be up for reading a multi-chapter story with one sentence paragraphs, and the beginning is all I have to go on at this stage.

“With Voldemort back and out into the open once more, what other reason could there be for his presence?” - Great pointer there – it's clear when this is set, without being too obvious about it.

"You must be the most impatient person I've ever had the misfortune of knowing." - Somehow I doubt that...

“Harry doesn't get a wink of sleep. He knows its stupid, but it's like he can feel Voldemort's broken soul inside of him, like a pussy sore growing in his head.” - The characterisation of Harry is spot-on – he is hotheaded, somewhat volatile (he is a teenager, after all), brave and ultimately does what needs to be done.

This sentence is vintage Snape: “But he has come to the conclusion that for the Dark Lord to be fully vanquished, your eventual death is of paramount importance”, but when he says i.e. “without you butting in” or 'shutup' it sounds a bit too informal. “If you decide to do as I say, still be here in the morning” sounds a bit awkward too.

As I come to the end of the story I realise Snape will probably not be a prominent character (the potion was a very neat way of ending his involvement, by the way) but as he is such a distinct character in the fandom it might be worth refining his part of the chapter.

Towards the end, I started noticing the synonyms for 'said' coming closely together – Harry adds, Snape glowers (which stretches the metaphor for speaking quite far), Harry groans, then stresses, and Malfoy jokes followed by Snape ordering. It's admittedly hard to keep dialogue separate with three male speakers, but when you throw in a bit of description (i.e. “"And here I was so excited for a roadtrip," Malfoy's voice is practically oozing disdain. "I told you this was a bad idea, Severus."”) instead it works very well.

Draco's appearance is entirely believable, especially when I remembered that Lucius would be in Azkaban at this stage – it's the perfect time to get him out of the country. As a hook at the end it's pretty much perfect – two enemies forced to flee together. The pacing, the flow (other than the pint above) and the plotting work very well – you can clearly tell a story (not to mention use correct punctuation).

In terms of views, it might help to clarify what Uagadou is in the summary – a quick Google tells me what it is, but given the number of Harry Potter stories out there you probably want to appeal to fans who aren't up to speed on Pottermore.

You may also want to specify if this is going to be a Drarry story (huge readership) or not – while the story itself certainly is strong enough to make me want to read on, I would like to know what I'm in for. Adventure? Shipping? Moving swiftly to the confrontation with Voldemort, or schoolfic?

Nitpicks:

“muggle London” should be “Muggle”
“His father's a death eater” - should be “Death Eater”
“roadtrip” - While I'm not British, this does not strike me as a word Draco would use - likewise 'Bullshit' sounds a bit unlikely for Harry to say. 'Trip around the world' and 'Bollocks' might work instead?

You've come up with a really interesting idea for a story here. I love that you have Harry getting help from Snape, the person he despises most, and going against Dumbledore, of all people. This story makes a good point about how messed up it was for Dumbledore to develop this relationship with Harry when the whole time he was expecting him to be killed by Voldemort. It's a nice change from canon to see Snape as the good guy, even though he's as nasty as ever, and Dumbledore as making bad decisions, even though his intentions are good.

The opening of this story, though, felt very slow to me. A big part of the beginning is Harry asking questions and Snape insulting him and giving orders, and it gets repetitive fast. When Harry doesn't get any answers, neither does the reader, and it's annoying to not know what's going on for so long. Your summary gave away enough of the plot to keep me interested, but if I hadn't read that, the slow opening probably would've lost me. I don't think this chapter needs to be as long as it is.

I also think it strains believability that Harry goes with Snape in the beginning. Lots of people are interested in harming/capturing Harry, but when Snape mysteriously shows up in his Privet Drive bedroom in the dead of night and refuses to explain why, he doesn't even make sure that it's actually Snape? How does he know it isn't a Death-Easter wearing a Polyjuice Potion or disguised as Snape in some other way? Am I missing something here? I'm also not fully sold that hiding out in the Muggle world would be so safe, since there Harry won't even have basic protective wards.

A few of the typos I caught: I have {a lot} to tell you, Both of you, {shut up}, {Death-Eater}

Please continue this! Snape is very in character compared to other fics ive seen, not that I expect him to be in this much past the first chapter, but it bodes well for the rest of the story that you can keep him reasonably IC. I look forward to seeing what you do with Harry at Uagadou.

This is great ! I kind of wanted to punch Snape in the face for being such a jerk.