thx for updating even when it's hard

This is awsome you need to keep it up please

You're doing amazing with this story. I really like it! Good luck with your family too.

great job love the chapter and story!

I love this story so far

very good

excellent job

great job

very good chapter

Is your brother alright?
This story is worth the wait!

please please please post more! i love it!

Selene

Good chapter! Now for your advice:
Use stronger verbs. Instead of "Walk" use things like "Stroll," "Prowl," and "Wander." It sounds much neater and gives more description.
I noticed that wherever you write dialogue, your paragraphs get short. Don't do this, it is choppy and unpleasing to the eye. You can still write here.
Example:
No: "John, do you know where we are?" asked Bob.

Yes: Bob looked across the vast cavern, his eyes aloof with wonder and confusion. He turned to his companion in bewilderment. "John, do you know where we are?"

Why this is better: I tied in the storyline to the dialogue, and made the paragraph longer. Not too long, EACH DIALOGUE PARAGRAPH YOU WRITE NEEDS TO BE AT LEAST THREE FOURTHS OF A LINE. I added description, and adverbs.
Show, don't tell. How did the character say something? Don't say "She asked." Replace that by "She asked in amazement", or "She asked questioningly." It gives more insight into a character and the mood of the writing.
Also, do not give a character bad grammar in the dialogue unless it is consistent, and you have a reason for it.
What you said:
"You done staring?" She had an amused look on her face.
What would be better:
"Are you done staring? She displayed an amused smirk on her fair face.

Why this is better: Lady Styx has no reason to have bad grammar. She is a goddess, she probably had a role in forming English as a language. She would have no reason to get things wrong. ANy bad grammar or spelling that seems unintentional will draw the readers eye instantly. No, people will not gloss over mistakes. THEY NOTICE.
If you have any problem with grammar or punctuation, either request for a beta or ask me. I am very good at it myself, and I would be happy to help.
Despite my critiques, this was still an eventful and interesting chapter. Thank you for writing it. Well, I will be off now.
-Meistar

Damn this is a hard vote it’s either Styx or Selene but I’ll which you could put me down for both one vote for both or flip a coin

styx