The idea, and the execution of your story were very clever; your verbal exchanges between characters rang true to each personality, but you REALLY need to get your grammar and tenses together, because they are all over the map, and distract from both enjoyment and understanding of the story. I think these issues can be solved by better editing and/or getting yourself a good beta reader. Keep writing! it's a great movie and you're right - it deserves more fanfic. You may have inspired me to take a crack at it. Thanks!

I can't help but agree when you said that there is a sad lack of stories featuring the friendship in this movie. I really liked the plot of this short and would have loved to see it expanded a little!