I really dislike that you made her interact with Anko. Not gonna keep reading, I just dislike her character.

hello! as i just found this story and read through it all, i dont really find any real inconsistencies with Kagura's development. your writing style is fairly consistent (though of course it has improved over the course of the story), and while Kagura has changed a lot since the beginning, I've found none of it jarring as i read through it.

now obviously you as the author will be your own biggest critic, but as someone who is fairly decent at criticism myself, i suggest you dont worry. I'd say i wouldn't worry but with my own stuff i criticize and worry so hard its not funny so i would be a hypocrite :p

anyways, I've really enjoyed this story, and can't wait for you to write more! also, this cliffhanger is a bad time to start thinking about rewriting anything, bad author-san. my heart wouldn't make it ;p

Hello, I have just finished reading this fic for the first time, and I went back and looked at the first chapter again just now so I could give you a better review. First of all, I loved this fic. I read it over the past two days, and it is definitely one that I will be coming back to. In general, I feel that your writing style has improved very much since the first chapter of this fic. As a character, Kagura seems a bit inconsistent. I feel that his reasoning for leaving Konoha should have been more along the lines of: Konoha will not allow me to gain battle experience, Konoha will not give me an adequate teacher, and Konoha is likely to have me killed for Orochimaru's behavior since they question my loyalty more now, rather than him just considering the gaining power aspect of defecting. Also, everyone in the story says that he is completely detached emotionaly from Kiri now, but he still thinks about his brother, and even asks Jiraiya to find out if he is still alive. I can understand wanting to know if you're face is out in the world gaining notoriety, but he did not give that reason. Overall, I feel that as a character, Kagura has grown less logical and more emotional. This sometimes lead to more emotional actions, such as visiting kushina at the hospital, even though I believe he would have severed his attachment to her since she could no longer teach him or really impact him. I feel that he should have been more against kushina's overtures towards friendships, or at least given some reason for accepting her as a 'big sister' such as: Konoha needs to see me forming bonds, or I want to gain power so I will take her knowledge. Kagura and Itachi's little crushes also did not seem appropriate to me somehow, but that may just be my own dislike of the pairing. Overall, I feel this could be attributed to his own character growth, but since you asked for reviews about how Kagura has changed as a character, here it is. I liked many of these changes as plot points, though I may have disagreed with them for his character but ultimately, you are the writer. Again, this was an excellent piece to read and I loved it all.

i really hate it when the mc is emotionally stunted

It looked like kaguya started as an emotionaly stunted kid but slowly he gained friends to help him come out of his shell I can't really see him just giving up on kushina to follow orochimaru. Even with the fact that he was his sensei.

Quite impressed with the quality of your work so far — it's clearly had a lot thought put into it. The character interactions feel authentic and the flow of the story, accounting for the reactions of everyone around the table, is really enjoyable to read. However, the actions of one character particularly honestly stood out to me as super off-key.

It's has to do with Akimichi Chōza stating that he was among the majority of council members to spare the life of Kagura (jinchūriki host of the Sanbi), given his "future" track record. You see, despite being known as a pretty "friendly guy", Koshimoto establishes very early on that his kind demeanor was not extended to all people. In the first chapters/episode, he was among the ninja tasked by the Hiruzen Sarutobi to retrieve "the Secret Scroll" from Naruto. After he presumably recieves his orders he's depicted rallying the other called upon ninja - shouting to find the demon fox and KILL IT ON SIGHT - before they disperse in all directions.

13 years earlier, and this Don is bros with the father of the kids lol. In a way, it's quite amusing to see. But honestly, it is bad enough if he was oblivious that Naruto is the child of Minato Namikaze and Kushina Uzumaki and 10x worse if he did know (assuming the village council was privy to the jinchūriki's parentage). However, since he's hardly the only one (looking at Shikaku here) to overlook Naruto's surname AND Kushina's 10-month hiatus, I'll grudgingly put it aside. My point here is simply this: I doubt Akimichi Chōza would be any more tolerant in any respect to Kiri no Kagura - a foreign kid - intelligent enough to self admittedly be aware of the destruction he'd cause, than the man was 13 years later to Naruto - ignorant of his status as a jinchūriki from his birth, despite the man being fully aware that it was his ignorant sacrifice as a newborn baby that saved the village from further destruction. You feel me.

P.S. Please do me, Naruto and the Old Man Hiruzen a favour and spare his "late" wife Biwako Sarutobi from Obito's crazy field day. Biwako is a very experienced kunoichi and Iryō-nin (probably taught Tsunade the basics); she was Kushina's midwife and safely delivered a jinchūriki birth to term, before being delivered to the clutches of the Shinigami herself. It would cleanly explain away the obscurity of where and who the heck took care of the orphaned Naruto during the first few needy and demanding years of his life. It just seems that everyone forgets that Hiruzen had a wife yk and I'd really like to see her characterised anywhere and you seem to this really well.

P.S.S. I want to add, although it can't easily be altered now, that Team Orochimaru (his Genin) should still be fully intact as Anko (12) becomes Chūnin the year of Naruto's birth. I know for a fact that at least one of Anko's teammates survived as the guy eventually become the leader of a team of spies for Orochimaru within Konoha. He also achieved the rank of Jōnin, and is stated to have trained Kabuto as well.

Looking forward to the next chapter.

Hmm he seems more emotional overall but I approve and appreciate the way you’ve handled his character.

I love this fan fiction! Keeep writing it please!

...I dont agree with this choice. It makes me immensely frustrated. Why, just why would you make him defect too? His reason doesnt seem enough especially since any reason for it are still in konoha. This makes me want to drop this story...

If anything, Kagura seems to joke around with the Oto-nin more than I'd expect. Given it's his first time having subordinates, it's notable to see none of the ruthlessness of Yagura. Kagura is also in a position to learn about Hidden Mist and his family without Konoha's security, which from the start might have deserved a mention or rebuff from Orochimaru.

Whenever the writer is writing, will be waiting warmly.

Ruthlessly logical, but I'm glad there are still individuals who can sort of empathize with Kagura in Konoha; a kind of victim of circumstance.

Teared up a bit; such a great story.

A She-tachi is fine too.

I know this is late, but I'll leave my impression of Kagura regardless.

At the beginning of the story, Kagura was incredibly complex and hard to unravel. He was rational, that's a given, but at the same time he had very little self preservation. He wasn't suicidal by any means, he would prefer living as seen by his decisions, but at the same time he was almost too prepared to die. Additionally, he almost seemed obsessed with having power but at the same... he wasn't? He wanted power, that's for sure, but he didn't really have a reason beyond competitiveness with those he deemed 'worthy'. This is basically majorly Yagura, Anko to a smaller extent, and much later on, Itachi.

As the story went on, his demeanor cracked a bit; he became softer towards choice people, even willing to divulge state secrets for a depressed friend - something he had seemed to be incapable of. This wasn't to the extent of a total personality change, but it was certainly very noticeable. Rin's death didn't affect him until later on in the story, where everyone is dealing with the aftermath of the kyuubi attack. This event, in particular, shifted his personality a lot. Some parts of him cracked further, while other parts were solidified further.

Kagura was extremely conflicted when Orochimaru revealed that he planned to leave konoha. A part of him was sad to leave his kind-of-friends but at the same time, it wasn't enough to outweigh the part of him that lusted to get stronger as quickly as possible. He tries to justify his reasoning to himself as 'having no choice', where he really just wanted to impress Orochimaru. This is seen after the time skip when he takes Orochimaru's advice on the pain of memories as a major reason to solidify his choice in leaving konoha, and also when he's happy at the idea of Orochimaru taking the time to learn Shoji just for him. To a certain extent, it seems like he's getting brainwashed by Orochimaru using a twisted sort of logic.

Sorry, I know that was long, but that's how I think Kagura to be. I haven't properly proofread it, so there will probably be a lot of areas where I am unclear, and I apologize for that.

La verdad que leí los 21 capítulos y me parecieron geniales ..en cuanto a la personalidad de kagura me hubiero gustado que antes de irse hubiera dejado un "lo siento" creo que hubiera sido lo minimo que ofrecer hacia a laa personas que aun le era leal como Kushina, Anko y Itachi; hubiera significado que no era el camino que quería tomar pero era lo que debia hacer... siento que en este enfrentamiento será triste porque creo que se acerca a cortar los lazos que aun lo unen con Itachi. Me gastaría una actualización de esta historia plis!