Sara, you have a wonderful story in the making. It’s got a fresh premise and interesting characters. However, it is a bit difficult to read. I recommend you look for a Beta Reader, there are plenty of experienced authors that will help you develop your plot and help you with your grammar.
Respectfully,

Nishi No Kaze

Sorry about that this book is not yet complete. It was a accidently mistake and I just realise that it said it complete. I have been trying to to take out the complete but it won't take out. All of my attempts so far have done nothing this past hour.

Thanks for the advice!

Why do you have it as complete? Is this story abandoned or is it just that short? Also, it’s proper that with each time a different person talks you start a new paragraph. Just some friendly advice from a fellow writer.

This is pretty awesome can't wait for the next chapter