Good story, but I feel like you’re moving way too fast. You need to build up to a climatic ending.

Hi! I just read through this, and I think it has a lot of promise! You didn't say if you accepted reviews or not, so...
I really liked your use of dialogue, how the characters spoke. You captured their voices pretty well.
But you switch tenses sometimes, and you use Jesse's name a bit more than is necessary. A place where this really sticks out is the very last paragraph.
Interesting concept, and I'm excited to see where it goes!

This was really good. I liked this one, well thought out. Hope you continue. i like reading stuff like this after the tv show ended, the last episode was really good and makes you wonder what happened to jesse, keep it up.