I really enjoyed this! It was a classic hurt/comfort executed quite well. I also like the concept of Sayori being found before she actually decides to kill herself. Most stories that have the protagonist stop her from suicide have him find her about to do it, or already hanging, but I like this a lot. Finding her when she's spiraling towards that point and at least keeping her from getting all the way there.
Good job, and thanks for writing this!

Once again, I find myself rereading this one-shot of yours under my new account, and it seems almost mandatory for me to put it under my favs. It is just that well-written and a definite pleasure to read.

One of the things that struck me more now that I've read the piece all over again was that little reference (intentional or otherwise) about Monika and her influence in-game. We know that she was the driving force behind the conflict in DDLC, and though there were no explicit hints or reveals in your one-shot about that, the lines "Those exact words that escaped her lips felt like a knife. Her cascading tears felt like someone twisted it." make it feel like a Monika reference. It could at first be "twisted" as in it felt like someone plunged a knife into the MC's heart and twisted it with the way he felt, but it could also mean that Monika, behind the scenes, twisted the words in Sayori's confession and made them seem more . . . forced, more despondent than they should have been, like something was definitely wrong. I give you even more bonus points for that!

Dunno if I mentioned this before, but I truly like your portrayal of the MC here. We see that he was still the bumbling and ignorant MC that he was in-game before, with the call-back to his jokes towards Sayori and the way he was unmindful of her signals, and yet he becomes mature and alert enough to start being more receptive of Sayori's emotions and perceptive of her dilemma. It's a nice little characterization that fleshes the MC out a bit more for us readers and at the same time doesn't make him too complex or OOC. Well done!

And of course, we have Sayori in general. You did her justice by balancing the depressed and the cute sides of her with that interaction she has with the MC. Still torn between her feelings for him and the burden of her depression, we see her hesitancy to accept his love and her unwillingness to let him bear the weight of her problems, just like in-game. Whereas you gave the MC a newer, better form of characterization that's still believable, you stayed true to Sayori's in-game persona and delivered some really nice dialogue to prove just that.

Lastly, there's the ambiguous ending that we get, which though bittersweet was still a far cry from DDLC's horrific first act. The fact that it doesn't end happily, since we still have Sayori's depression and her problems, it does the game justice. Apart from psychological horror, DDLC is all about bittersweet endings, especially if you've done the "good" ending route in-game. It doesn't magically solve everything, but it does give you a bit of closure with the hope that maybe, just maybe, things can and will get better. Your one-shot's ending is a testament to that idea, and that makes it all the nicer to read and reflect on.

Once again, it's my pleasure to put this one-shot back in my list of favorite stories. I hope your writing only grows stronger as time passes. Bravo, my friend, and thank you for giving us this piece!

i want more chapters

I think my favorite part of this fic is Sayori's depiction. She's head-over-heels for the protagonist, but her inner thoughts keep getting in the way of that, so her feelings are kind of a jumbled mess. Even the ending, while hopeful, suggests bumpy roads ahead - very in line with how realistic DDLC's portrayal of depression was. Much as I want her to be happy and painfree, it almost feels insulting when a fic up and bypasses her mental state like that, so I'm glad that you managed to keep her inner turmoil accurate while still suggesting there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

For your first in five years, it's a hell of a way to return. I'll be keeping an eye out for your future works!

That was a very sweet oneshot. I got very emotional reading. Sayori reminds me too much of myself. Her depression and hopelessness really tugged on my heartstrings. Overall I thought it was a very well written piece. Keep up the good work!

Oh, Sturdy Wings. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

...Actually, I probably couldn’t even if I tried. There is so, so much good here. Full disclosure to anyone besides False Narrative: I knew this story was coming for a bit before its release, and I was trying not to get my expectations TOO high. I knew this was going to be good, but being totally, unabashedly honest: this is my favorite Doki fic I’ve read. This is gonna stay with me for a good long while, I think.

First off, this all feels so, so real. I’ve had nights where I’ve been worried sick for people close to me after I learn they’re not in the best state of mind, and I know that recursiveness, that cycle of guilt for not doing more, of wanting them to be happy. It feels like you ripped this protagonist right out of reality. More than that though, this feels like it also mimics the reaction one would have to Sayori in retrospect after initially playing, that desire to reach in and actually HELP, no matter what it takes.

And that is a motivation that you flesh out beautifully, all the way through. You truly ripped my heart out from how VISUALLY bad off Sayori was. There is so much storytelling done in the behaviors, the imagery, the little details. Fantastic, fantastic. This is amazingly written, beginning to end.

But the thing that truly takes me aback at this is the concision, the simplicity of the overall plot. A summary of the events might only take a sentence or two, but every line is packed with the genuine, raw emotional resonance that leaves it feeling so full, so deep, so dense and fulfilled. I’ve read stories that have tried to do far more that achieve WAY less. This is a very internal, personal story, and it… just… UGH, I love this so much.

I feel like doing anymore gushing would be excessive at this point, so now… it’s time… for the dreaded NITPICKING! After the amazing feedback you’ve given me in the past, I’d be remiss if I didn’t think to include one or two little things. Now, I might’ve needed to be a bit pickier than normal to notice these, and I don’t think they take away from the story as-is, but they did stick out upon scrutiny.

[the light pink-haired girl couldn’t escape his mind] I understand the sentiment, but the way this is worded makes it seem like Sayori is trapped in his mind, and the burden is on her to escape it, rather than the protag trying to put his attentions elsewhere (which may be VERY appropriate to her motivations, but didn’t seem quite intentional. Sorry, if it was!).

You mentioned the young man/student/brunette thing in your own note, and it did stick out a touch, but not as bad as I’ve seen it in others’ stories. Keeping a protagonist nameless in third-person seems like a genuine nightmare, lol, and I’m not sure what else you could have really done with it.

Okay, this last thing is totally a matter of style and was really the only other thing that stood out to me. I don’t know that I’d say “typed out a text to send to Sayori” when “texted Sayori” or “sent Sayori a text” would work equally well. Nitpickiest thing in the world, but it seemed a little clunky.

And that is all I noticed! I genuinely like this so, so much that it was hard to find even a handful of minor things to comment on. Knowing this is what you can do, I am ECSTATIC at the idea that this may not be the end of your doki-fic career :D

Finally, a Sayori fanfic! There aren't much good one out there and you have done a good job too. Anyway, I know that this is a one-shot but I really like it and wished that there are more DDLC fanfic like this one.

You kept it both realistic and sweet, good job!

This was good. The style flowed well, and the characters felt real and as close to their canon iterations as I could remember. I enjoyed reading this.