My lord either this dude is gay or extremely uninterested in woman like jesus. Monika, kneeling on the ground, in a maid costume, with rose petals amd shit and this dude does nothing

haha, surprise mother fucker

This is a massive improvement from the original draft.

I'm glad to see you take up writing seriously! The premise is already interesting prior, so this major step-up is a good improvement!

I'll look forward to how it will turn out. Good luck!

My lord I hope you update this regularly its amazing :D

So I can’t judge what kind of story this will be, but at the very least I can see that grammatically it’s good! But something I’d recommend is at least slight longer chapters, maybe at least 1 or 1.5 thousand words? Anyways, keep it up!

This cliffhanger feels almost cruel. Not cool, bro. Not cool. But that aside, I’m looking forward for the next chapter. And it would be nice if you could make it a little longer than 1000 words. It’s too much of a tease, you know?