Some major issues with just the first paragraph. For one, it’s literally a huge point in discovering Scott’s lycanthropy that there are no wolves in Beacon hills, California and yet one of the first lines says “... She sometimes sneaks out through the woods to see the wolves...” verbatim. It’s a major plot point and is constantly repeated throughout the first episode.

Secondly, your grammar could use some work. Make sure you dissect different dialogues (e.g. Stiles speaks, end paragraph and move on, Luna speaks) into separate paragraphs. When addressing someone (to quote “You need to come inside baby!use a comma before the word you are using to address them (correctedYou need to come inside, baby!”). Finally, when creating a list, use commas between separate adjectives and dashes between two adjectives of the same sort of group (e.g. “... her long platinum blond hair...” goes to “... her long, platinum-blond hair...”). Try not to reuse the same verb over again as it gets boring (this does not apply to “said” and “asked”). For example, instead of “She doesn’t know why they seem to listen.../... Little did she know.../... and the wolves know it” replace the first “know” with a synonym like “understand” and just try to avoid the second and third bit all together this early (we’ll go through that later).

Thirdly, try to make Luna’s level of maturity consistent. Don’t go from her addressing her mum as “momma” to her saying “Stiles, what the hell?!” as it suggests you are unable to be consistent with how you want the reader to see the protagonist.

Finally, please, please, please never reveal everything in the literal first paragraph. “Little did she know, she’s a goddess and the wolves know it.”. After you’ve revealed the one major plot point, there’s no point in the reader staying to read it as you’ve done away with the hook and simply given everything away. There’s nothing left to find out now, nothing left to see so now there’s no point in the reader even continuing with the story as they already know everything and there’s no longer any mystery to keep them hooked.

Looks quite interesting, but I find it hard to read when words are written in blocks you could say. It’s much easier to read when someone says “something”, you start a new line. I did read the last chapter and it said you editing I didn’t know if you wanted any help with it. Thanks hope you continue the series.

Gosh the drama! I just wanted to say that I love the book and especially Luna’s character. Really excited for book 2!

She’s finally awake! Thank you!

Your writing style give me feels, right now I hate peter more than in the series agahaah. Keep up the good work!

I loved the new chapter! I really love Luna’s character.

I really love the story! One of the best ones I’ve read, easy!