Good chap

Nice chap

I'll be honest and say I'm concerned with how Jenna's disability was handled. With the way it was written, it came off as like it was supposed to be tragedy porn or something to make the audience feel sorry for Jenna rather than an actual trait of hers... unless she needs an excuse to yell at someone. I'm also not sure how to feel about the characters you're meant to root for (Jason and Zack) making comments about her chair either. The fact that she's healed a few weeks after losing useage is also iffy. But what's happened happened, I guess :')

The accidents are glossed over so quickly, I know they were in the movie as well but, she had lost the use of her legs in the first one. And then she gets into two more accidents? I was wondering how she didn't develop at least an aversion to being in a vehicle instead of demanding to drive every time. Possible trauma isn't brought up until Zack asks about it in the cavern, adding to that "this whole thing is just for angst" feeling. I think maybe delving into her feelings more could help. Maybe show her getting anxious whenever she's in a car, especially when things speed up or someone stops suddenly, you could even have her try to cover it up with her demanding to drive as like overcompensating? Nightmares? Just show it effecting her besides "I'm mad because my legs don't work."

Another problem I had was with how Jason and Jenna's relationship was handled. At first they seem very close, like I thought they were going to finish each other's sentences kind of close. Close enough that Jason asked her to participate in the prank. Then it shifts into Jenna deciding she hates Jason during the bully scene. While her anger is understandable; he got her into another accident and now he's /babying her/out of guilt, her gymnastics career ended at such an important time, people just get frustrated after injuries etc, it felt very out of nowhere considering how close they were before. Are they just pretending everything is okay? Were things /tense/ before the second accident? Or even between those three weeks before detention started? Maybe show more of her frustration when he started to baby her and then that scene with the bully could've been the last straw.

I also felt that the scene with her dad on the jungle gym wasn't needed? I don't think it added anything; it made him look silly (I'm not sure how he would've jumped to the conclusion that she's selfish for not wanting to do hundreds of tests because of possible genetics?) and her looking like a brat (The "I'll swear to god I'll run away" thing, it's more the wording that came off this way. Her feelings about the whole thing are justified.). I'd probably trim that but that was just me.

Onto positive stuff, I like how you written Zack. He's cocky, quick to make jokes, teasing and kind of obnoxious... Just like how he is in the movie. Despite my feelings earlier, I also like that Jenna isn't just a generic nice girl. She's irritable, she lashes out on people that probably don't deserve it, she can be a brat; like actual flaws here. A lot of people are kind of scared to do that with their OCs, in fear that people won't like them. It's neat and adds some depth :D. I thought the touch where Zordon had a twin that he led the team with was neat too! I think it adds more to that 'you need to work together' theme the movie has. I don't think your chapter lengths are an issue either! They feel the right length for what you've shown us :)

Overall, I think your story could benefit more from showing us Jenna's feelings. You have a small tendency to just 'tell' us what people are feeling or what the expression says, some description can go a long way :). In the scene with Jason going 'seriously?' after the bullying thing, I would've described his eyebrows furrowing /raising, his lips pressing together in a hard line or even just him rolling his eyes. I feel that it'd be easier to invest into the story and Jenna if we got to see how she was feeling! Sorry about how long this was!

Good chap

Likin it.

Another good chapter

Lookin good. I hope this is a Zack/OC story. There is like no stories about him on here.

Lookin good. :)

Likin it

More please more

Good start, I look forward to the next chapter

It's a great story and please continue the story !