We need spoilers that stories are abandoned I had just got too what looked to be a setup to an awesome showdown and the story hasn't been touched in 2 years :/

Sorry in case this is a double post. This is a second try, since the site seemed to have lost my original review for this chapter.

This chapter was action packed, in a good way.

The inquisitor‘s mind was pretty twisted. He obviously didn‘t like his current circumstances or he wouldn‘t be so mad at the unknown Jedi for ‘hiding’ instead of fighting (and dying) during the purges. At the same time, the anger he constantly evokes makes him sound very, very whiny, sort of like a child who doesn’t get what it wants or an addict, who blames everything and everyone for his situation but himself. Drawing on the dark side of the force, all this constant anger, must be pretty strenuous ;)
The combination of his whining and arrogance as well as his total lack of empathy concerning other living beings, make him a really unlikable character. Since that’s probably what you were going for: job very well done!

I really liked the fight between him and Mara. The lack of her lightsaber skills, her unwillingness/inability to draw on the force, seems so realistic to me. And then Luke, hammering at him with fast strokes that cover up his lack of technique: Also well done! I mean, of course, how much time could he have spend on Dagobah? Not much more than a couple of weeks. So it makes total sense his technique is not refined.

Given how I credited your story, only proper for me to send the link. s/13496321/1/Star-Wars-Legends-Never-Die

Seriously, your story was an incredible inspiration, and really looking forward to what you do next with it :-)

So far, this chapter has maybe been the weakest part from an overall stellar story. That means it was still good. It just left, for my taste, too many questions concerning the zoo incident unanswered.

I wonder, was the caged Wookie responsible for the break out? He was fiddling with something and Luke felt “a sudden surge of joy and hatred” behind him when he was leaving. But what did the Wookie have in his hands, how did he get it? Here (or at the end of this chapter/at the beginning of the next chapter) I would have liked some sort of explanation, even if Luke and Mara had only speculated a little bit. Was it just a coincidence that the incident happened while our protagonists where there?

The panic at the zoo with all the creatures running around and a whole lot flying above was described very well. Moreover, the scene with the young Wookie being displayed in a zoo was pretty heartbreaking.

Little Mara has a bigger role here, but she still stays sort of pale. The reader doesn’t get any insight into her mind. What does she think of these strange people who took her? What does she do during the day?
I also wished for a tad more insight into Luke’s or older Mara’s thoughts concerning the child. How does Mara the elder, judge her younger self? Does she see herself as a mother, foster parent or caretaker? Same goes for Luke. He mentions he has no experience with kids. Still, what’s his emotional status with regard to this kid? I don’t think there’s need to spend lots of paragraphs on it, since you usually manage to get to the point with just a few sentences.

Still, all in all this is complaining on a pretty high level. I absolutely love the story and thank you for sharing!

Good story. It started rather abruptly, but it was easy to figure out what happened. I liked how when they first met Yoda he pointed out how bloody their hands were. Considering Luke’s first real action with the Rebellion was to destroy a space station which maybe had like a million people on it Yoda’s words are very true.

Hilarious to read Luke's thoughts on their captors.
So their approach is to fake it till they make it. I think it's gonna be interesting. Mara and Luke are so cool, I'm convinced they can pull it off
Awesome, I can just imagine Mara taking notes and making Luke take notes.
Also, it's interesting to read Luke's thoughts on the differences in A-Wings and other spacecraft. Do you do a lot of reasearch or do you have all of that info saved in your head?

Drunk Luke is pretty hilarious. Luke and Mara‘s different tastes of decor reminded me of a sociology lecture on Pierre Bourdieu I took in college once ;) With this scene you stress very elegantly how their respective upbringing shaped a very distinct sense of aesthetic.

I have never watched an episode of rebels, so I don’t know the twi’lek characters mentioned here. However, I like the way you depict Pok’s thoughts on his current situation. Him being aware he’s used as a decoy, but still doing his part even when everything goes down the drain. I think you’re doing a really good job balancing Pok’s willingness to sacrifice himself for a greater cause when there’s no way around it and his desire to keep on living, as shown by his wish for better trained combatants or his hesitation to destroy the communication device. It makes his character very relatable.

The rescue by Luke and Mara was just plain awesome. Writing action scenes is a real strength of yours. I especially like it when someone is able to write good piloting scenes and even more so when said pilot is Luke. I like how cool you are depicting him: During the rescue, but also after, when all those guns are trained at him.

And last but not least, you are one of few fanfic writers I know whose characters sound authentic when they talk tactics ;)

Ha, I like the idea of robbing a casino. I want to read that ;)
No action in this chapter, but Luke, Mara and Garm brainstorming on how to get the rebellion started is interesting as well. Your depiction of their discussion seems logical and well structured. I‘ d buy their reasoning. Sometimes, maybe, I have a little trouble figuring out right away who is talking when you use direct speech. When I read on I realize someone else was talking and that takes me out of the story a bit. I tend to read fast, though and your writing style is very focused on the essential (which I like). So I guess it doesn’t allow for jumping words too much ;)
Cute glimpse of little Mara. Also Luke‘ s thoughts on Han are interesting. I like that Han is depicted as someone super intelligent.

So awesome. Your Luke/Mara banter is great.
“You do know I’m generally thought of as a decent pilot and somewhat competent, right?” Best line ever! You really have those two down. Again, I like it how they are sarcastic without being hurtful to each other. On the contrary, I think Mara actually tells Luke not to downplay certain achievements twice. I can‘t stress this enough because I read a lot of fics (also profics) where Mara seems unnecessarily spiteful and Luke annoyingly whiny.
I have to admit I don‘ t remember that much about Bel Iblis. I read (some of) the EU novels years ago and not necessarily in order. But it‘ s interesting to read how these three plan to launch the rebellion. All of their steps so far seem plausible to me.

Great chapter, interesting switch of perspective. The commander seemed pretty competent, which I liked. It shows how effective Mara and Luke are. Funny how the empire is expecting a company force when it‘s only two.
However, massive amount of collateral damage: First, the prisoners, then the surrounding buildings and in spite of his competence it seems the that the agent is gonna hold the commander responsible. I guess that‘s the cruel side of war. Storywise, the agent's reaction with that second round of fire seems very empire like and makes the plot believable.

Really funny how little Mara chirped in there on the question of who was raised from the cradle to be a spy. Also hilarious how she asked big Mara whether Luke would teach her to fight like he did in that bar fight.
The bar fight itself was very well executed. Funny, but I also like how you bring across their mutual respect for each other: for example Mara being amazed at Luke‘s fighting skills but also the way they talk to each other. They tell each other the truth witout the need to best the other.
Moreover, interesting reflection on Luke‘s part concerning his father and how his view of Vader differs so much from the rest of the galaxy. And again: Mara‘s understanding was very well done. Can‘t wair to see where this is going.
At one point Luke mentioned he didn‘t know how they were sent back. I still would like to have some more information about that, though;)
So, super interesting follow-up and I can‘t wait to find out what‘s gonna be next.

This is a great start for a story. I like how you get right into the action. The best scene of this chapter was Luke's fight with Vader. I like the fact that they are evenly matched and I can't help but wonder what Vader must have been thinking the entire time. Also, I really like your writing style: very to the point and just enough descriptions to stay on the edge of your seat.
Great premise for a story. If I understood correctly Mara and Luke went back in time and probably ended up in a different universe as well? That’s at least what I figure because wouldn’t they otherwise change their own future or something by rescuing little Mara? I have to admit thinking about time travel always gives me a headache ;)
I can’t wait to see how little Mara is gonna react to her fate.
Questions I have: From what time period did Luke and Mara come from?
Are they a couple yet?
How did they end up in the past/in a different universe?

Wow! Thanks for updating. I'm really enjoying this story. Your characterizations are spot-on!

I've been patiently waiting. You are such a good writer.. I was so much into the story. Keep going..quicker this time

Glad for a updated, started to worry if one was ever going to come. Nice force use age for someone that has entered practice it to bad Pally had to interfere.