Oh dear. Once I’m thinking of it, I find it hard to avoid spoilers, especially on a finale. I’ll begin in on the genre of the afterword. As you know, I love pseudo-scholarly excerpts and footnotes, and so few books actually use that device (Susanna Clarke’s tome is a good exception, if you haven’t read it). I liked that a great deal, and it makes me optimistic to imagine a return to civilization after a three-hundred-year Dark Age. As a summation of everything - emotionally and chronologically removed from the tale - I thought it was an appropriate, if bittersweet, ending, delineating the end of the era that all of the characters belonged to. To borrow a line from the Dark Tower, “the world has moved on.” Things like that always make me wistful.

Was the dissection of the Purlaine’s philosophy a nod to my observations earlier? It does declaw them a bit in restrospect - as does the discovery about the missiles - but one can still appreciate the desperation of the Commonwealth’s forces in the moment.

Liked the bit of worldbuilding regarding Pre-War ghouls. Of course they should slow to a stop eventually and that detail adds a bit of rationality to a wildly unrealistic universe where radiation transforms people into quasi-immortal corpses.

Lily’s semi-suicidal plan and Nick’s own plan (and the way that went down) is a little confusing as far as that thought process goes. Sure, they were desperate, but there are so many ways that could have gone wrong. I almost hate the General for agreeing to it - Lily’s hardly in a condition to make drastic decisions - and I wonder if Jack ever quite forgave him.

It is a solid story. My one real criticism is that the arc within the overarching arc doesn’t feel that important when all’s said and done. In short, I liked Nick’s thread better than the very large portion taken up by Lily’s travails. (It’s not that those were poorly-written, but only that I couldn’t help but want to go back to Nick’s POV as soon as possible.)

I love this story, but I don't understand the ending. What happened to Nick? Where is he, is he in heaven? Is the old man supposed to be god?

Packed chapter here, and It does pull you in several directions.

I no longer know what to think about the Nick-stery. I assume he didn't die at the last stand, but there seen to be gaps even in his most recent recollections; either a symptom of a tacked-on process, or something else? I'm edging towards Meredith and her biological whatnot, assuming She survived the bus explosion.

Speaking of, I have to assume the "raiders" in those early days were either militias or disaffected reserves, like the ones at the roadblock, especially if they were well-enough armed to have Rockets and whatnot.

And the ante Is upped again! The choice of Apache becomes less casual, though I wonder if Rejean had in mind to sell the map to enemies of the Purlaine, perhaps? Or maybe he wanted to pull something at the Fort. We may never know.

The discussion between Lily and Jack starts grey, with both parties making sense in their own right, and then spirale in Lily's "favore" a bit too quickly. Had this been the game's CW, I feel lettino Lily work out her issues and trauma through the good po' "Make them pay" may have had credit... right now though, she's likely to get herself and the people around her killed. Jack backed away for fear of losing her, but she's in much greater danger now. Or maybe I'm Just a condescending cis patriarchi, Who knows.

Rest in pieces, Garrick.

Sincerely,
Alexeij

It's fascinating to see someone who's been shaped for over 40 years by the role of General. Nate's charisma Is a weird beast, a mix of raw presente, right-to-the-heart statements, and some choice wordplays for a package. I can't help but place him side by side with Rejean, and while there's no doubt who's a head taller than the other... I could almost, if I squint, see them in each other's shoes the circumstances had been reversed. Or maybe there's Just something in my eye.

Structure-wise, Nick Is mostly a passive observer in this chapter. Mailing Nate the POV up until the last Exchange with Maude would have had its ups, but also stretched this much longer with internal monologue. So well done.

The Attack on Diamond city pulls more than one duty. It widens the scope of the Purlaine's threat, adding another brick to the Wall between Lily's "Adventure" and the rest of the story; it firmly reintroduces the Gunners and some very nice worldbuilding; and It catapults the story in its second Arc.

The mystery around Nick thickens, as does the foreshadowing about the can openers. I wonder if they ever reached the Fort in the First Place, and Who or what might still be there.

Sincerely,
Alexeij

Hello - thanks for reading this far and for your reviews. I appreciate the comments and your questions. The way I see it, Shawn is doomed to remain the age he is - twelve or thirteen - for as long as he lives. I'm sure that's how the game interprets it, and it only makes sense (as far as creating exact copies of humans ever made sense. Why not have some kind of cloning process? But anyway...) As far as him and the rest of the companions showing up in the story goes, remember that this story takes place 50 years after the end of Fallout 4. Also, although the Sole Survivor is in this story as a very old man, it's really the adventures of Nick Valentine.

Cheers,

DM

Idea nate could be married to piper and they had a kid who join the minutemen also when are we going to see Shawn and the rest of the companions
I'm also going to assume Shawn was some kind of 4 gen synth that can age

I hope they whipe out these neo nazi prices of shit also is lily suffering stockhome syndrome

I have to admit, for a while thought the whole trajectory of this fic was going to be contained in Lily’s kidnapping and escape (though I probably missed some clues to the contrary). Now I see that it’s as much or more about Nick’s story (and, on another level, about the evolving story of the post-canon Commonwealth).

Can I just say I love the General that Nate has grown into? The council scene does a good job of illustrating just how difficult it would have been for a leader to hold together such a loose confederation of peoples, even as external forces press in.

(This isn’t meant to be pejorative, but I did read his appeal to everybody’s better natures in Jimmy Stewart’s voice, though Nate Howard is no George Bailey.)

White supremacists in a post-apocalyptic era do seem like they’re shooting themselves in the foot, limiting their recruitment to those survivors’ descendants who happened to avoid miscegenation for more than two hundred years. It’d be easier to draw the line with a creed or allegiance to a charismatic leader or some kind of “humanity first!” pledge. Or tattoos, like the Gunners, I guess.

From my (admittedly vague) reading of history (and current events…), a racial purity movement is almost always an attempt to galvanize a discontent majority against an unpopular and visible minority in the context of a nation seeking to create or affirm an identity, particularly during a time of perceived or actual hardship. Which, I guess could apply here if they see the eastern seaboard as their birthright, currently being denied them.

It’s possible the leader(s) of the Purlaine actually believe in what they’re preaching, not just choosing a convenient target for the sake of group-cohesion. Maybe they’ve been doing this for a long time; I can’t remember - did you mention how long they’ve been around? One can hope there aren’t too many white people wanting to save their own skin among the Commonwealth’s defenders.

It only just occurred to me that Nate (and Nick and pre-War ghouls for that matter) would be much better positioned to understand racism than anybody born in the 23rd century: their grandparents, after all, might have been born at the end of the the 20th century. They would also, presumably, know their history a lot better than anyone else. No wonder Nate’s been a successful General.

Anyway. Back to the beginning. Very appropriate. The real ending approacheth. Will Nick hear his truth from Maude or discover it in the bunker? I’m kind of dreading the last chapter, as only one conclusion makes sense (even if I hadn’t read that other fic of yours already).

This is a very discouraging opening. I feel like it should be raining to fit the mood. Lily finally has the space to safely process what happened, and that’s obviously going to get worse before it gets better. Jack and Nick have to confront the reality that they were too late to save the girl they knew. All the while, Nick is literally falling apart. So much for reunions.

Not many fics take on the complete social collapse that would follow immediately upon the heels of the destruction of most major urban areas. I like that this one does, and without shrinking from the inevitable horror of such a scenario. (Also, I like the detail with Swanzey as a real place - the first thing I see if I Google it is indeed that covered bridge that she mentions.)

It’s sad to think about Maude outliving Leo by so long, even assuming he survived infancy under the conditions that eventually turned her into a ghoul. Come to think of it, losses like that would apply to every pre-war ghoul - something they have in common with Nick. Speaking of whom, I never read a take where his memories were copied after the bombs fell (I assume that’s what had to happen, unless somehow organic-Nick’s post-bombs memories ended up with synth-Nick as well).

And darn it, on the brink of discovering the mystery, he’s interrupted by an urgent summons. Perhaps learning everything from an amazingly coincidental encounter would be too easy; maybe the final revelation comes from another source.

I’m liking this part a lot better than the grimness of Lily’s captivity.

I know I haven't reviewed the past few chapters - I'll get to it though. Meanwhile, fresh off this one, so have a review.

There's a bit of inconsistency between Jack's attitude at the end of last chapter, suggesting Nick leaves Lily alone to process it all, and the understandable father's worry that sparks the argument at the beginning of this one.

Also ouch, Lily's been around enough knives her tongue's as sharp as one.

The mystery around Nick's lapses of remembrance thickens, and of course it cuts off right on the edge of revelation. How come he's got them? Any answer I can think of, from the most pragmatic to the most spiritual, opens up plenty of doors.

I absolutely adore the description and atmosphere of the thunderstorm night after the End Day. You really nail down the fresh-off-the-apocalypse atmosphere with the panic, the indifference mixed with spontaneous caring, and the rush away from the destroyed cities. Poor Maude and I wonder what happened to Leo. Also, could it be her ghoulification was caused by the rain? Pretty sure any rain so close to the bombs would be plenty irradiated.

Putting my money on the Institute taking Nick after the bombs. Meredith seems to be some kind of scientist. Maybe he lived among them for a time? Maybe the original nick did have something akin to an happy ending?

Mmmh, could it be the attack force was ahead of the scouts, or are the two groups unrelated? Something like Vandals and Huns in dynamic. And it seems Jack's prediction a few chapters past came true. They've been laying low, but threaten their homes, and the Gunners will strike back. Love it.

Sincerely
Alexeij

Hm. The Stockholm syndrome is strong with this one. I am glad she's free now, though.

Wow, is there more? Please?

I'll say, you do a beautiful job breeding sympathy for borderline characters and making me feel conflicted about it. Etienne's care for Lily has at least a couple of further goals - both breaking her in and possibly selfish infatuation - and there's definitely more than a bit of Gaspesie - Purlaine rivarly at play when he challenges Maxime at the bath-tub, but he also keeps mum about Lily's escape even as he's bleeding to death (even though that, too, could be seen as a last middle finger to the Purlaine).

It's Rejean, however, who's the lynchpin of this chapter. The quick one-two of shedding the last of Garrick's lies plus revealing the core motivation behind the raid - buying back Rejean's family - is compounded by Etienne's death to create a large serving of Sympathy for Rejean, pragmatic and ruthless as he is. That kind of dichotomy breeds a peculiar kind of tension for the last confrontation with Lily, for at stake is not only Lily's future, but also the reader's opinion of Rejean... and in the best way possible, it's not clear-cut there at the end anyway. Rejean's choice to free Lily is the result of more than a single factor (superstition, sorrow, avoiding more trouble on the road), among which sympathy doesn't rank particularly high, but I like to imagine there's a little bit of respect from Rejean towards Lily for how she clings and scrapes to remain alive and for her freedom.

As for Lily, she has quite a bit of agency, subtle and less so, in this chapter. At first she seems to be buckling under Etienne's care, but I can't shake the feeling that there was something deliberate in her bath timing. Did she imagine the Purlaine were around and that Etienne would rush to the rescue? Did she take a wild gambit? It all strikes me in equal parts desperate and cold, which would be a fitting character development after days of imprisonment and abuse.

Technically, it jumped out at me during the fight scene that you went 3rd Omniscient. The scene up until then is from Lily's POV, but then the way the combat is described, as well as that remark of Maxime's speed and the hundred fights it won him, doesn't feel like her at all (how could she know, anyway?). After Etienne is gutted, I think the POV remains halfway between Omniscient and Rejean's, which is a bit confusing, even if I can see why you did that. No way to have that twist at the end from Lily's POV and keep up the mystery in the next scene.

And finally, the irony of it all is that, if I have my geography right, had Nick and Jack continued on the long way around rather than take the shortcut, they would have chanced into Lily. Right now, however, they're poised to get neck-deep into danger against the depleted Gaspesie and the Purlaine, while Lily is alone in the woods. If the plan survives first contact with the enemy, I wonder who'll be the last survivor of the riders.

Sincerely,
Alexeij

Thanks for the mention, Doc. Glad to be of help.

So it looks like someone among the Gaspesié man is not a complete piece of shit, just two-thirds of a turd. The moment with the chickadee and the slight indignation at Lily's treatment do give Etienne some depth, but any seedling of sympathy is blown away when you realize the indignation is caused less by the harm Lily suffered, and more by how it wasn't her "rightful owner" who did that to her - assumed that he could, what with a (possibly) broken back.

Now the chickadee only needs to be a repurposed Institute bird or something, and I'll laugh. Hard.

Lily's panic and terror upon waking up and the maelstrom of emotions up until Garrick's grave were beautifully done, in a very poignant way that really makes you feel for the character.

Rejean, at the other end of the spectrum, crosses the line from practical man to hypocritical coward and plants himself firmly on the other side. It feels appropriate that it's his discomfort at being challenged by his own brother that causes a final lapse from meticulousness to arrogant inattention, giving Jack and Nick the trace they'd been denied for so long.

Sincerely,

The horror, both of the graphic and thoroughly deserved kind.

Looking back at the end of this, I think the whole sequence would have worked much better if the jump from Nick to Lily had happened the moment Nick and Jack found the grave, with the scene cutting off as they started to dig.

Then, this three-chapter mini-arc would have much more tension to it, or rather, tension of a different kind. As it is, the fact that Lily isn't with the group of scouts Nick & Jack are about to ambush always left the chance that she'd escaped (or worse, was dead and buried elsewhere), at least to me it was always kind of a remote chance. As it is, the tension in this mini-arc comes from the threat of Lily being raped and abused and the compromises she strikes as the abuse is inevitably heaped on top of her.

By having the Nick narration cut off at the grave and reprise as it is after this chapter, you would gain an extra layer of tension for the whole mini-arc - is he desperate planning leading to her death - and still keep the twist of her not being anymore with the scouts when Nick & Jack find her. It'd really be just a work of editing the scenes and chapters into another order.

Anyway, on the chapter itself. I agree with Scrimshaw, but by site's standards this would arguably be MA rather than M, which is grounds for having the story removed (with warning) if anyone from the brass ever bothers to notice it. Or, more likely, if some snoop reports it. It was downright horrifying and thematically inevitable, casting any for of agency Lily has had until now by the wayside and shredding through the pretty little veil of lies she's built around herself. Much like the action aftermath, it leaves her character with pretty little of a leg to stand on, so it's good that the narration is going to switch back to more active participants.

I'm not criticizing Lily as a character, mind you. She tried her best with the hand she was dealt and paid a terrible price for it because she was really up against unbeatable odds - though she may still have one little ace in the hole. Her lashing out against Garrick was admittedly very satisfactorily, but in a way, she gets "punished" for that too by having to listen through every moment of his horrifying - and oh so deserved - death. So well done on making a reader very sanguine about the fare of a false friend.

There's a bit of headjumping the first time you switch from Lily to Garrick, during the escape attempt, but I think it's more of a case of missing intersection, like the one you've put in the other times. Again, having two Garrick POV scenes where, technically, you could have kept the POV on Lily kinda shows how the focus of action and agency switches more fully from Lily to Garrick. Having the same scenes from her POV would have made for a more "spectator-view" narration focusing more on Lily's internal conflict - maybe speculation of what to do and how to free herself from Garrick - but I can see why her head wouldn't be a nice place to be in right after the fact.

The descriptions are still top-notch, especially during the last scene with the burial, and the gut punches come in hard and fast. I do hope that Lily can re-use the key once she's in the Purlaine hands - which implies a not-so-nice fate for Rejean and the gang, unexpected schemer that the former is trying to set the Purlaine against Bayard Sr - but as her luck would have it, she'll probably be pregnant with Garrick by the time the cavalry shows up.

Sincerely,
Alexeij